Just been told- don't know what to do
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On a quick browse I’m not apart of the “typical demographic”. I’m young, for one thing. No children, not married, but been together with my partner for 3 years. After 24 hours to grieve and process I just need somewhere to get it out while I figure out somewhere more appropriate. This is gonna be long.
A year ago my girlfriend told me she’s addicted to porn and has been struggling with that since very young. She’s entered a relapse since completing a big goal in her life, also one year ago, and has resumed therapy and been going to meetings.
Yesterday, on encouragement of said therapist, she told me it includes child porn.
I know ageplay is a kink of hers, where she is the child in the fantasy. She says she’s not sexually attracted to children and I don’t believe she would assault. She claims the tabooness/trauma is the draw and she is not a pedophile but I’m now faced with, well… my emotional response. The legalities at play. She claims to not be in actual possession- no files saved- but... well.
The issue isn’t personal to me directly but it is to the family. How do I reconcile this knowing my dad is a survivor of child sexual abuse? How do I introduce her to my nieces and nephews when “threat of discovery” hangs over our heads and I would be accused of exposing the youngest of my family to danger? I could never forgive myself if that somehow came to be true. There's no way to explain this.
This honestly explains why her therapist wants to meet me. Finding out she thinks I’ve known about this for a certain amount of time, my apparent non-reaction in the relationship sure does paint me like a lazy asshole to a recovering addict. Like someone who’s obviously buried my feelings about it deep down and thus needs therapy, stat.
Well, I agree with the therapist now. Learning this about my girlfriend I would benefit from a group or therapist just to talk this out at minimum, and cope myself if we stay in a relationship.
…I don’t know if breaking up a 3 year relationship over this is the cowards way out. This isn't the "stereotype" case of my finding a stash or the police knocking. This is her being open with me whilst terrified of my reaction, whose draw to the subject isn't as the abuser but as the passive subject. But it's of course still harming minors and still illegal and I don't think being in SAA meetings stops the police from acting if she's caught.
Girlfriend’s already accepted my open contemplation leaving as making it inevitable fact. And she’s not… wrong. I’m seriously thinking about it. I don't know if I have the strength to be with and help an addict of this nature. Due to my career I'm away from home half the year.
I feel like such a coward either way. Does staying only draw the possible end into a long, drawn out process? I've seen both our parents go through that, seen other couples go through that. I don't want to be stuck in limbo space of the years-long divorce, if end of the relationship is the way the cards are going.
A year ago my girlfriend told me she’s addicted to porn and has been struggling with that since very young. She’s entered a relapse since completing a big goal in her life, also one year ago, and has resumed therapy and been going to meetings.
Yesterday, on encouragement of said therapist, she told me it includes child porn.
I know ageplay is a kink of hers, where she is the child in the fantasy. She says she’s not sexually attracted to children and I don’t believe she would assault. She claims the tabooness/trauma is the draw and she is not a pedophile but I’m now faced with, well… my emotional response. The legalities at play. She claims to not be in actual possession- no files saved- but... well.
The issue isn’t personal to me directly but it is to the family. How do I reconcile this knowing my dad is a survivor of child sexual abuse? How do I introduce her to my nieces and nephews when “threat of discovery” hangs over our heads and I would be accused of exposing the youngest of my family to danger? I could never forgive myself if that somehow came to be true. There's no way to explain this.
This honestly explains why her therapist wants to meet me. Finding out she thinks I’ve known about this for a certain amount of time, my apparent non-reaction in the relationship sure does paint me like a lazy asshole to a recovering addict. Like someone who’s obviously buried my feelings about it deep down and thus needs therapy, stat.
Well, I agree with the therapist now. Learning this about my girlfriend I would benefit from a group or therapist just to talk this out at minimum, and cope myself if we stay in a relationship.
…I don’t know if breaking up a 3 year relationship over this is the cowards way out. This isn't the "stereotype" case of my finding a stash or the police knocking. This is her being open with me whilst terrified of my reaction, whose draw to the subject isn't as the abuser but as the passive subject. But it's of course still harming minors and still illegal and I don't think being in SAA meetings stops the police from acting if she's caught.
Girlfriend’s already accepted my open contemplation leaving as making it inevitable fact. And she’s not… wrong. I’m seriously thinking about it. I don't know if I have the strength to be with and help an addict of this nature. Due to my career I'm away from home half the year.
I feel like such a coward either way. Does staying only draw the possible end into a long, drawn out process? I've seen both our parents go through that, seen other couples go through that. I don't want to be stuck in limbo space of the years-long divorce, if end of the relationship is the way the cards are going.
That sounds so very tough pixel!
All your emotionas and thoughts are fully understandable and and do sound similar to the emotional process of finding out in any way. It certainly is familiar to my own thoughts regarding my son.
Loads of positives there in that your girlfriend is being open with you and is getting the support she needs. Talking to her therapist sounds like a great option to potentially help both of you, but it may be worth considering talking to someone completely seperate as well or instead.
All I can really advise aside from that is the usual don't rush into decisions and allow yourself whatever time and support you need to reach process the shock and how you feel about it.
All your emotionas and thoughts are fully understandable and and do sound similar to the emotional process of finding out in any way. It certainly is familiar to my own thoughts regarding my son.
Loads of positives there in that your girlfriend is being open with you and is getting the support she needs. Talking to her therapist sounds like a great option to potentially help both of you, but it may be worth considering talking to someone completely seperate as well or instead.
All I can really advise aside from that is the usual don't rush into decisions and allow yourself whatever time and support you need to reach process the shock and how you feel about it.
Hey Pixel,
Well done for coming to talk, I can imagine you've been very overwhelmed. It's very difficult for me to form a well-balanced opinion of your situation because I am unfamiliar with porn addiction including CP. You sound like a wonderful person and someone I wish we could replicate across the nation to discuss and help change the narrative of burning everyone at the stake without hesitation. If your partner is getting help in addressing her problem then that is a very good step and there are people on here who have continued life very happily after addressing and dealing with the issue. You will know your partner better than anyone. All I can say is trust your gut. I will also add that it ABSOLUTELY would not make you a coward to leave in fear of what would happen if it was flagged to the Police, it was the worst day of my life and I've never known such anxiety in all my life but with that being said it may never happen to you.
Well done for coming to talk, I can imagine you've been very overwhelmed. It's very difficult for me to form a well-balanced opinion of your situation because I am unfamiliar with porn addiction including CP. You sound like a wonderful person and someone I wish we could replicate across the nation to discuss and help change the narrative of burning everyone at the stake without hesitation. If your partner is getting help in addressing her problem then that is a very good step and there are people on here who have continued life very happily after addressing and dealing with the issue. You will know your partner better than anyone. All I can say is trust your gut. I will also add that it ABSOLUTELY would not make you a coward to leave in fear of what would happen if it was flagged to the Police, it was the worst day of my life and I've never known such anxiety in all my life but with that being said it may never happen to you.
Heya Pixel,
Well done for posting, it takes a lot considering the subject matter we talk about...
I cannot shine a light on a lot of the things you talk about but there's one thing I can talk about...
Age Play is completely seperate from actually viewing images and they are no way connected ... In the link community, age play is just that .. play.
If your partner is viewing child porn and ties it in with being attached to age play then that's a massive red flag to not introduce her to any children you may know...
The kink community is often villified for this kind of thing and I can say that there are a lot of fake poeple out there who claim to be taking part in a kink when in reality, they're just predators.... Between consenting legal adults, age play is talked about In a safe environment with defined rules for what is and isn't okay ..
Hope that helps
Well done for posting, it takes a lot considering the subject matter we talk about...
I cannot shine a light on a lot of the things you talk about but there's one thing I can talk about...
Age Play is completely seperate from actually viewing images and they are no way connected ... In the link community, age play is just that .. play.
If your partner is viewing child porn and ties it in with being attached to age play then that's a massive red flag to not introduce her to any children you may know...
The kink community is often villified for this kind of thing and I can say that there are a lot of fake poeple out there who claim to be taking part in a kink when in reality, they're just predators.... Between consenting legal adults, age play is talked about In a safe environment with defined rules for what is and isn't okay ..
Hope that helps