Lonely and Confused
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Hi everyone,
My dad was charged with possessing A, B and C images last week - with his sentence being a community order, sexual harm prevention order, SOR for 5 years and counselling.
I am an only child and I just feel so alone in the whole process. I had to move out of my family home as the media posted our home address - as I used to live with my dad - and my dad was attacked as a result, so I don't feel safe there. It was my family home for the past 22 years, so I feel angry that I had no choice about moving out.
I decided to go back to university for the rest of my Easter break, which is for the next 4 weeks, as I was too nervous to go into town at home in case I bumped into someone I know. But, I feel so alone here, and I'm trying to study as I have exams coming up, but I'm always getting distracting by my own thoughts.
I am getting so frustrated, the rest of the family accepts my dad's story that he was trying to help this woman find indecent pictures that were shared online of her abuse when she was younger, but I just don't buy it. I caught my dad talking about his fantasies of having sex with minors on email before, so I know that he has a sexual interest in children. I even confronted him when this was going on, telling him to get help and directed him to Stop it Now. But, he continued and now we're in this mess. I have to deal with my friends finding out and I feel like I'm still lying to everyone about the real context of all this.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't go home and I can't stay at university. I feel so alone and my hate for him just keeps increasing.
I know this post isn't really asking for advice, I just wanted to vent somewhere to try and let out my frustrations as I'm so fed up of carrying this burden all by myself.
Thanks.
My dad was charged with possessing A, B and C images last week - with his sentence being a community order, sexual harm prevention order, SOR for 5 years and counselling.
I am an only child and I just feel so alone in the whole process. I had to move out of my family home as the media posted our home address - as I used to live with my dad - and my dad was attacked as a result, so I don't feel safe there. It was my family home for the past 22 years, so I feel angry that I had no choice about moving out.
I decided to go back to university for the rest of my Easter break, which is for the next 4 weeks, as I was too nervous to go into town at home in case I bumped into someone I know. But, I feel so alone here, and I'm trying to study as I have exams coming up, but I'm always getting distracting by my own thoughts.
I am getting so frustrated, the rest of the family accepts my dad's story that he was trying to help this woman find indecent pictures that were shared online of her abuse when she was younger, but I just don't buy it. I caught my dad talking about his fantasies of having sex with minors on email before, so I know that he has a sexual interest in children. I even confronted him when this was going on, telling him to get help and directed him to Stop it Now. But, he continued and now we're in this mess. I have to deal with my friends finding out and I feel like I'm still lying to everyone about the real context of all this.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't go home and I can't stay at university. I feel so alone and my hate for him just keeps increasing.
I know this post isn't really asking for advice, I just wanted to vent somewhere to try and let out my frustrations as I'm so fed up of carrying this burden all by myself.
Thanks.
Lily
you sound like your mature beyond your years. Is anyone with you at university or is it the holiday?
You should try and find a quiet space to call the helpline .
you maybe right about your dad but I would say you can’t control what he is saying or your family thinks. There is a lot on Lucy Faithfull website about denial. Everyone is in shock it’s the easiest emotionally at the moment. It prevents the pain. If you have read emails before you may be ahead of other family members.
lily also I think you should seriously think about telling son from the welfare department I had a bereavement during my second year at uni and not only did I get counselling I also got mitigating factors on my assignments that term.
sorry probably messaging too much in one go.
Just breathe itbis a crappy situation and I am so sorry you have to go through this . Xxx
you sound like your mature beyond your years. Is anyone with you at university or is it the holiday?
You should try and find a quiet space to call the helpline .
you maybe right about your dad but I would say you can’t control what he is saying or your family thinks. There is a lot on Lucy Faithfull website about denial. Everyone is in shock it’s the easiest emotionally at the moment. It prevents the pain. If you have read emails before you may be ahead of other family members.
lily also I think you should seriously think about telling son from the welfare department I had a bereavement during my second year at uni and not only did I get counselling I also got mitigating factors on my assignments that term.
sorry probably messaging too much in one go.
Just breathe itbis a crappy situation and I am so sorry you have to go through this . Xxx
Someone from the welfare department I mean not son,
Wow, that sounds hard - you must be having such a tough time and having to deal with it alone is horrible. I haven’t used the helpline that much but lots of people on this forum have, so perhaps it would be helpful for you too? I have read other people’s stories on this forum where their dad has been charged/ convicted so hopefully you can read their posts so you don’t feel so alone. If you are at uni I would really think about using their counselling service. It may be hard to get through this on your own, but universities are so much better nowadays about considering their students mental health so please reach out for help there. Wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be alright. Remember - you have done nothing wrong. The shame is his, not your’s. Thinking of you x
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Thank you, everyone, for your support, it means a lot. I've been to the university and I am currently on the waiting list for counselling, which is 2 months long. I've been to the GP and they've given me some websites to look at.
But, I have been given extensions on my coursework and mitigation for my exams in the summer, which is a relief.
I was just wondering whether anyone knew of any face to face counselling that is available? I have used the Stop It Now helpline, but I think I would actually find face to face more beneficial?
Thanks xx
But, I have been given extensions on my coursework and mitigation for my exams in the summer, which is a relief.
I was just wondering whether anyone knew of any face to face counselling that is available? I have used the Stop It Now helpline, but I think I would actually find face to face more beneficial?
Thanks xx