Family and Friends Forum

Sorry you find yourself here.

Its my partners that has been charged and we are still awaiting court so I can't answer this with any value, but you might get more responses on the Discussions and Support section of the forum. There are a couple of other Mum's on the forum so may be able to provide some specific advise and support.

Hope someone is able to give you some light and answer questions you have.

I am so sorry that you find yourself here. How old is your son? The young member of our family was only 16 years old when we received the 'knock'. I am happy to share our experience if your son is under 18 and still classed as a youth.

Hi CM,

My son was 17 when he confessed to viewing IIOC and contact offences. Our case was complicated as he hadn't committed a lot of offences and was having a psychotic break. However I've learned a lot on the journey and am happy to share anything that may help.

What is your son saying? Has he told you if these accusations are true or not?

As Alison said it will depend on the age of your son as to how he will be dealt with by the criminal justice sytem. Mine turned 18 shortly after and therefore would have been treated as an adult but we were fortunate enough that no further action was taken.

Unfortunately this will have a huge impact on his life but this doesn't last forever nor does it mean his life is ruined. If he is innocent the investigation time is still very stressful for everyone and can last a long time (10 months for us and we were lucky!) but he can still continue with his life whilst in limbo. Are there any bail conditions?

If guilty it will depend on the amount and catergory of images found as to what sentence he receives. Sentences are generally halved if under 18 and things are quicker (but not quick enough). The most important thing if guilty is that he addressed how and why this happened. If you call the LFF helpline they can help with how to do this. I believe he will be able to do the young persons inform course free of charge and there are online modules he can complete. They can also advise on counsellors and offer you both emotional support.

You will likely be feeling shocked and overwhelmed right now and whilst it goes against every instinct as a mother the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself as much as possible!

Feel free to ask anything and I'll help as much as I can.

Sending love xx

Hi Again

The following information may be of help to you :-

There is a charity called Just for Kids Law based in London that we used for free legal information and support for the young person in our family. I have just checked on their website and they can provide legal information/support to a young person up to the age of 25 years. Their link is https://justforkidslaw.org/what-we-do/empowering-young-people/legal-support/criminal-law

If you live in London I believe they can also represent the young person at the Police Station and at court(if this happens) but if you live outside london they can only provide legal information/support.

I feel it maybe worthwhile you contacting them. We made most contact with them by email and being a small charity it sometimes took a while to receive a reply, but you did always receive a reply.

It sounds like he's taking positive steps to address the behaviour so that's really good.

I know it feels like your world is falling apart and how awful that is. I wish I could offer a magic fix but try take one day at a time and focus as much as you can on self care.

I believe the police will treat him as an adult due to age now but they should consider the age he was at the time when sentenced. The CPS should also take this into consideration when deciding if its in the public's interest to prosecute but sadly they do seem to charge in most youth cases I've seen.

Has he been interviewed? And did he have a solicitor?

It is good you already has a solicitor for when you son goes to his first interview. I hope your son doesn't have to wait too long for his interview, as the waiting is very stressful. The young person in our family waited ten months before he had an interview and the waiting was very stressful on the whole family and I felt it was torture for a 16 year old to have to wait this long. No two cases are the same so I hope your son doesn't have to wait as long as we did.

It is good your son is in regular contact with Stop it Now and I highly recommend you doing the Stop It Now Inform course.

Please remember to look after yourself as this journey can be a long and exhausting one. If you can try and find time each day to do something just for you, so that you are looking after your wellbeing.

Hi CM

Hope you're doing OK. I'm 9 months into this journey with my son (he's 22) and so I can't directly answer your question about whether his life is ruined. However, I want to give you a glimmer of hope and positivity - god knows we all need that!! We're working with a solicitor who is something of an expert in this field and he told us early on that, whilst this will have an impact for a few years, in the long run he should be able to go on and live a 'normal' life; the solicitor has dealt with men who have gone on to live productive, high-achieving, successful lives and nobody knows about a mistake made in their youth. Sadly we don't hear about the success stories because, unlike issues such as drugs and alcohol, this is such a taboo subject that there's no public glory in overcoming it. The other thing he said is that the future is unwritten and what happens next is up to my son.

Sending hugs xx

Lola 53

I totally agree with you I keep looking for success stories but hard to find.

I know my son as done wrong and so does he and prison could well be an option.

Life is a rollercoaster at the moment and as much as want to help him he needs to be helping himself he is a adult so only so much I can do.

Take care

X

So many of us mums! And all we want is the best for our sons (and daughters of course). I wonder if our sons who have committed these crimes understand how much we worry about them and their futures?

I agree AnotherMum / My son understands the devastation he has caused in our family but I don't think he realises how that devastation continues and how continually I worry about him and his future.

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Reading back on this thread - how are you CM1256?

CM1256 - it sounds like you're doing the right thing. My son continued with his degree and has a part-time job which he enjoys; he sees a therapist every few weeks. If your son is going to get through I think you're right in encouraging college and normality; it will reflect well on him in any future legal proceedings but, more importantly in the long run, he stands more chance of rebuilding his life and moving on if he has structure and purpose.



I hope you're doing OK x

CM1256, this forum is a lifeline isn't it - such a wonderful group of strong women pulling together.

I saw that you first posted in January so I'm guessing that this Christmas will be difficult; it's hard not to look back on previous ones and our sons' childhoods and wonder how we got here. We're still on our 'journey'; this is our second Christmas since the knock and I can honestly say that I didn't think this time last year that we'd still be a happy united family. At that point I could barely speak to my son and I couldn't see a way out. Somehow we are in a very much better place than this time last year; there is always hope.

Sending hugs CM, and to anyone reading this xx

Hi CM1256. Just re reading through forum and wondered how you and you son are doing? as seems we are in a similar position My son is now 18 but was 16 at time of offence. Awaiting cps decision xx

Hi CM, that's good that your son could continue with college, my son could continue with college up until 2nd interview when he went on bail and restrictions kicked in so had to pull out of college which is so sad.

We are 9 months in and case is now with cps (god knows how long that will take) 1 and half years is such a long time for you to be waiting it's just awful...

We are taking each day as it comes, my son is living with his gran as we have a younger son so he is not allowed to live at home anymore which is heartbreaking but at least he is still with family very close by us. He rings the helpline every week and is starting the young persons inform course next week. I hope you hear something soon, stay strong and as I keep saying to myself "This too shall pass" xxxx