Family and Friends Forum

LouFB, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here but I'm glad you've found the courage to post. You've come to the right place.

My situation is very different so I'm not the best one to comment directly on what's happened to you but there are so many amazing women on here who I know will be able to give advice. However, I recognise the hearbreak and all the emotions that you're going through and am sending you huge virtual hugs; we're all here to give each other support and we all understand so please chat as much as you need to.

Lola xx

LouFB,

I am so sorry you're going through this. The initial shock of everything is horrendous. You must feel like you have the weight of the world on you right now and it's so important to make sure you get what you need, even if it's going on a walk or going to see your GP. Maybe call StepChange who are a debt charity to see if they can give you any advice for your mortgage? It's much more difficult when kids are involved but you will get good days along with the bad days on this journey and times when you forget about what's going on. You can request to change your social worker from what I've seen on here. You've done absolutely nothing wrong and we are all here to support you, answer any questions we can and listen to you when you feel you have no-one else to speak to. Xx

I'm so sorry you're going through so much Lou. Sending lots of love. Be kind to yourself, this is such a whirlwind and it's understandable that you're feeling all sorts and with such little ones and no support, even processing what has happened will take time.

Definitely reach out for support from anywhere you can. In addition to those posted above have a look at the charities Lee1969 posted about in the post I think is called "finally some help"

Also don't be afraid to tell social services you are struggling- who wouldn't be in that situation! Perhaps they could offer some sort of respite care? Even one morning a week in a nursery would give you a little time to yourself if you're comfortable with something like that. No harm in asking if it's available!

Xx

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LouFB

it is the scariest of places to find yourself-my world has too been blown apart.

I can not really offer any advice but I just wanted you to know you are not alone

some days I am not sure how we make it through the day but we do, every day. I hope you find a way you are stronger than you think xx

Hi Lou

I remember the feelings you are going through and I continue to feel that begrudgment of everything changing for us with kids finances housing and childcare, although my work have been good I have restrictions etc I have to explain to each new manager what's going on he doesn't.

It's really important you look after yourself maybe speak to the gp if needed and give the helpline a call along with the others Lee has mentioned previously. The best peice of advice given to me was to not make any rash desicions, so I decided not to decide anything.

make sure you are claiming all the benifits you can. Yes you can change social worker but see how the meeting goes? Remember they will want to know you are a protective parent who will safeguard her children and prioritise them.

The Ladies here in the forum are so supportive please keep posting and asking questions you are not alone xx sending huge hugs xx

Like everything on here there are no rhyme or reason to anything the police do or social services. You will see that when you read around the forums.

In my case we had the social worker for a few weeks made an assessment made a plan gave me some leaflets case closed until court. However others are on child Protection Plans and Child in Need plans for varying lengths. If you think you need help with that side of things have a look at the family Rights Group they gave a number and forum.

Other than the mental health support is your husband getting any other support to address his actions? He can also contact the helpline and they can guide him, also there are specialist counsellors and courses.

Although you may not get on so well with parents are they supportive of you? Xx

Hi LouFB

I completely understand how you feel! Not the extension part but I am even going through the covid isolating as my daughter has it. Our knock was mid November and I still feel the same. I have seen my husband several times and quite honestly I just hug him because I still love him with all of my heart. That is so confusing it makes my head spin, I don't really understand why I can't just hate him, it would make life a bit easier. I'm sorry you also have the stress of him trying to harm himself. I know my hubby will do that if he his sentenced to anything that people will know about. I too wish I could go back to my normal, pretty perfect life. I want it so badly sometimes I have so much frustration about it that I just scream and pull my hair.

These men have so much to answer for, not simply knowing or in anyway being involved in images and inappropriate conversations but the damage they do to their families. My daughter os 19 and she has had a mental breakdown. 1 night she hit her head until she passed out. I only knew because she was covered on bruises the next day. You really aren't alone in this horrendous nightmare.

The only advice I can possibly give is to claim any benefits you can. Council tax benefit is through local councils, UC can be applied for online, plus child benefit if you aren't already receiving it, you just call them. Back date everything till you last worked, all they can do is say no, I got it from the day after he left our home. Be in contact with your GP and get whatever help you think may be beneficial. My advice would be, although ots lonely, tell as few people as you possibly can, people will not understand.

I really hope you are managing. Sending great big hugs xx