Everything is looming and I’m spiralling
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7 months in and some really tough times especially in the early days and then settled into a new normal I suppose. Today a message from the police asking for iTunes password so I'm guessing devices are now being examined. Feeling so out of control and terrified of a custodial sentence for my husband and how life changing that is for me and my daughter (3). Offence was arranging or facilitating, he did not meet though from a bit of research I don't think this matters and states had no intention to do so. He has not had a solicitor and whether we can afford one I don't know. He has engaged in counselling and SA support and seems so different from the broken man I saw in the months leading up to this. I feel I can manage whatever else is thrown but a custodial is massive. Just wish I knew how likely this is. The not knowing has been fine so far but now it's hard. Only posting as I know this group is the only one who will get this.
Evening What do I know
This is such a rollercoaster of emotions but you have found yourself here in this group everyone is so supportive so reach out as you are not alone in this journey
No one can say what sentancing will be as no one case is the same it is down to the judge on the day and that makes the worring all the same
Be kind to yourself a day at a time we cannot control what is happening we just have to get through it as hard as it is
Just wanted to send you hugs x
This is such a rollercoaster of emotions but you have found yourself here in this group everyone is so supportive so reach out as you are not alone in this journey
No one can say what sentancing will be as no one case is the same it is down to the judge on the day and that makes the worring all the same
Be kind to yourself a day at a time we cannot control what is happening we just have to get through it as hard as it is
Just wanted to send you hugs x
Thank you upset mum just reality has hit like a tonne of bricks today I suppose. I just need to get out of negative headspace. This forum can be great and also not as when not in a great place hard to hear and not relate them back. And seems to be more about custodials recently which I think I've noticed more because of where I am at. A good sleep and a new perspective tomorrow I am sure x
Hi there
I think we all worry what the outcome is going to be.
It's my son that I'm referring to not my partner but me to are dreading the outcome we are only 6 weeks in.
But I have been told by others that take each day as it comes be kind to yourself take time out.
I love my son so much but hate him for what hecas done to the family.
But I think something takes over and you manage how I don't know.
Take care always here if you need to talk
X
I think we all worry what the outcome is going to be.
It's my son that I'm referring to not my partner but me to are dreading the outcome we are only 6 weeks in.
But I have been told by others that take each day as it comes be kind to yourself take time out.
I love my son so much but hate him for what hecas done to the family.
But I think something takes over and you manage how I don't know.
Take care always here if you need to talk
X
Focusing on one thing at a time is helpful. Speculating about what ifs will drive you mad and overwhelm you. But the waiting period is a good time to pay attention to your health, finances, outstanding household things,maybe look at doing some courses etc.
Legal Aid is means tested. You can get information about this online. Your husband, if he is eventually arrested and charged, or invited for a second interview, would need legal advice. We did not qualify for legal aid but my husband had selected a solicitor prior to arrest. Unfortunately he could not attend at short notice so advised him to give a "no comment" interview . The police respected this.
There are bands of sentences applicable for offences. The magistrate/judge/sheriff will then apply mitigating and aggravating factors at their discretion which is why there is such a diversity of sentences. But that is a long way in the future. Sometimes just taking things day by day is okay.
Take care.
Legal Aid is means tested. You can get information about this online. Your husband, if he is eventually arrested and charged, or invited for a second interview, would need legal advice. We did not qualify for legal aid but my husband had selected a solicitor prior to arrest. Unfortunately he could not attend at short notice so advised him to give a "no comment" interview . The police respected this.
There are bands of sentences applicable for offences. The magistrate/judge/sheriff will then apply mitigating and aggravating factors at their discretion which is why there is such a diversity of sentences. But that is a long way in the future. Sometimes just taking things day by day is okay.
Take care.
One thing this journey continues to learn me < if you can > don't overload your brain with overthinking. It's so overwhelming physically and mentally when this happens to you, it could easily send you down a very dark path as you struggle coping/thinking about the future.
I try to apply it to other aspects of my life since, put things into prospective , little things don't seem to fluff me up these days, I shrug my shoulders and carry on....
As I said I 'try' but you still do have these 'overwhelming, panic days', suppose like a release valve ...... support and thoughts sent xxxxxx
I try to apply it to other aspects of my life since, put things into prospective , little things don't seem to fluff me up these days, I shrug my shoulders and carry on....
As I said I 'try' but you still do have these 'overwhelming, panic days', suppose like a release valve ...... support and thoughts sent xxxxxx
As a couple of people have said, solicitors etc are means tested and the threshold changes between the Magistrates Court and the County Court, meaning you may get legal aid for one and not the other.
Other things that may also be worth looking at are the reasons and behaviour that lead him to this place. Although you won't need legal support until charges have been applied, I'd recommend looking for solicitor you may want to use. My partner buried his head in the sand when he was first interviewed (we weren't together then) so the legal side (and everything else) now seems rushed.
My partner has been charged with the same offences and the legal team have said it will be custodial because of the starting point of sentencing (3 years) . I too am not clear on the attempt and intent part, my partner didn't arrange any meeting either. I don't have full disclosure and therefore haven't seen all the evidence or heard advice directly from the legal team so I can't say the above is accurate and every case is diffent and then every judge will apply the guidelines differently.
In regards to you, as many have said, look after yourself so you can be there for your child and partner. And as someone else said start thinking about the practicalities if he is charged.
We all say to one another, look after yourself and be kind, but if you can't don't beat yourself up. I often breakdown, can't function and can't sleep and I wonder if I'm the only one and how others are coping better, reality is some days they probably are and some days they aren't, some days I feel strong and focused, others I feel broken.
Hope you've found the advise people have given to be useful and you are feeling in a slightly better place .
Other things that may also be worth looking at are the reasons and behaviour that lead him to this place. Although you won't need legal support until charges have been applied, I'd recommend looking for solicitor you may want to use. My partner buried his head in the sand when he was first interviewed (we weren't together then) so the legal side (and everything else) now seems rushed.
My partner has been charged with the same offences and the legal team have said it will be custodial because of the starting point of sentencing (3 years) . I too am not clear on the attempt and intent part, my partner didn't arrange any meeting either. I don't have full disclosure and therefore haven't seen all the evidence or heard advice directly from the legal team so I can't say the above is accurate and every case is diffent and then every judge will apply the guidelines differently.
In regards to you, as many have said, look after yourself so you can be there for your child and partner. And as someone else said start thinking about the practicalities if he is charged.
We all say to one another, look after yourself and be kind, but if you can't don't beat yourself up. I often breakdown, can't function and can't sleep and I wonder if I'm the only one and how others are coping better, reality is some days they probably are and some days they aren't, some days I feel strong and focused, others I feel broken.
Hope you've found the advise people have given to be useful and you are feeling in a slightly better place .
Thank you all for your replies. As much as I am trying not to my head is still going into the what ifs. advice about taking each day and trying to stop this thought process has been really useful. This feels as bad as the day of the knock at the mo. The not knowing. But I am going to throw myself into work today I think and have a home cooked tea at my parents so again listening to you all about that self care. Not a community I would have chosen to be part of but I am amazed at all the strong supportive people on here and take that strength from you all that you can keep going. Xx
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