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We have heard off our social worker today, she thinks my husband is hiding behind his mental health and porn addiction and not addressing what she thinks is the real issue.
he has worked with safer lives, he has a stop so therapist and he has a grief counsellor. I'm not sure what else we are meant to do and every time I try to defend him she says I'm in denial.
It's making this journey so much harder and is affecting our assessment.
today has been really hard
he has worked with safer lives, he has a stop so therapist and he has a grief counsellor. I'm not sure what else we are meant to do and every time I try to defend him she says I'm in denial.
It's making this journey so much harder and is affecting our assessment.
today has been really hard
I always put it back in them. I'd send a polite, short email asking what the feel the 'real issue' is and what support do they recommend to address this.
From experience you can say nothing positive about the offender as you are accused of minimising/not taking it seriously. I still do it. They need to understand this person is more than their crime. Whilst I understand a need to protect they cause more damage with their I'll informed judgements and assessment.
X
From experience you can say nothing positive about the offender as you are accused of minimising/not taking it seriously. I still do it. They need to understand this person is more than their crime. Whilst I understand a need to protect they cause more damage with their I'll informed judgements and assessment.
X
She says he 'clearly' has an attraction to children and purposefully is hiding it and not mentioning it to safer lives and his therapists. I don't understand how he can be doing so much work into what happened and be hiding this.
He has put so much work into his porn addiction and is doing so well but now feels he has to admit to this even though it isn't true just so we can move forward again
He has put so much work into his porn addiction and is doing so well but now feels he has to admit to this even though it isn't true just so we can move forward again
In that case her ignorance is the problem. I'd recommend they call the Lucy Faithful number and request a consultation. She clearly had no understanding of this form of offending.
I would agree with Sarah. Ask her to look at CPD options in this area so she can better understand and offer appropriate support to you as a family. Xx
She has escalated us to a CPP as we are not accepting his behaviour?! He now has to leave the house when I'm asleep unless there is a third party here to help supervise. I just feel like it undermines all the work he has done, safer lives even spoke to them and said there was no indication of this.
Luckily we are now getting a new social worker so hopefully she will be better to work with.
Luckily we are now getting a new social worker so hopefully she will be better to work with.
He has his charges, it went to magistrates for plea but our solicitors told the cps he couldn't plea due to evidence so they have gone to review charges and hopefully dropping 3 (fingers crossed) back in court on February 9th.
The social worker said it was the other 'evidence' that police found-which the CPS haven't charged him with that concerns them more. It feels like they are trying to give their own punishment if I'm honest.
I have done a session with safer lives, I have done yearly level 3 safeguarding for my job, I'm waiting until we have a bit more money and have will do the LFF course and have contacted STOP SO to go on their course in May. I did a safety plan which they said was very robust- but because I have a baby they said they are asking him to leave as I must be exhausted looking after a baby and supervising him.
we self referred ourselves to social services as at the point of arrest we didn't have a baby so thought being proactive would be good, I'm questioning this now. Although I know we would've have the mess at some point.
The social worker said it was the other 'evidence' that police found-which the CPS haven't charged him with that concerns them more. It feels like they are trying to give their own punishment if I'm honest.
I have done a session with safer lives, I have done yearly level 3 safeguarding for my job, I'm waiting until we have a bit more money and have will do the LFF course and have contacted STOP SO to go on their course in May. I did a safety plan which they said was very robust- but because I have a baby they said they are asking him to leave as I must be exhausted looking after a baby and supervising him.
we self referred ourselves to social services as at the point of arrest we didn't have a baby so thought being proactive would be good, I'm questioning this now. Although I know we would've have the mess at some point.
The police included it in their report to them, he has been charged with 9 iioc but the police found inaccessible images and one conversation with other adults on KIK that he hasn't been charged with.
How do I do a data request? Do I ask the social worker?
my husband has done the safer lives course and has a therapist through stop so, he is wanting to continue working with professionals. Is the course with safer living foundation similar to these?
How do I do a data request? Do I ask the social worker?
my husband has done the safer lives course and has a therapist through stop so, he is wanting to continue working with professionals. Is the course with safer living foundation similar to these?
It's interesting you say the police have said this ins report as most of the time they won't say anything incase it affects thier evidence and the proceedings.
Yes it really does feel like they are trying to punish him for what the courts haven't. The social worker said it was the opinion of her, her manager and the police that as there were more inaccessible images it shows he has an attraction to children that he is hiding and I am in denial about.
when I told them I support him and he doesn't and I won't let them make him admit to something he doesn't have, they said I had a lot to learn still. I told them I am fully informed, I have been to the solicitor and had full disclosure but she keeps phoning with things to see if I am aware of it. As if she's trying to catch us out.
the police gave them a full report of everything they had sent to cps, I think he's annoyed we self referred as he left my husband a rather angry voicemail.
im just hoping that the new social worker will actually work with us and we don't have long left before sentencing so we know what we are working with
when I told them I support him and he doesn't and I won't let them make him admit to something he doesn't have, they said I had a lot to learn still. I told them I am fully informed, I have been to the solicitor and had full disclosure but she keeps phoning with things to see if I am aware of it. As if she's trying to catch us out.
the police gave them a full report of everything they had sent to cps, I think he's annoyed we self referred as he left my husband a rather angry voicemail.
im just hoping that the new social worker will actually work with us and we don't have long left before sentencing so we know what we are working with
It was sent to them last week, SS made it seem they did a referral and then went to the section 47 meeting.
I don't know, should they not have sent so much?
I don't know, should they not have sent so much?
Our baby is 7 months, we didn't have any children at his arrest so he was rui. He had his charges in December, after 18 months. He worked with safer lives and they advised us to self refer to SS as it would be better than to have to do it at point of him pleading guilty and going on the SOR.
SS were happy with our self referral and our safety plan and said we were doing everything right until they heard off the police. They then accused us of hiding things as had only told them the charges and police provided them with all the information that was in the file to the cps
SS were happy with our self referral and our safety plan and said we were doing everything right until they heard off the police. They then accused us of hiding things as had only told them the charges and police provided them with all the information that was in the file to the cps
Yeah the CPS have sent it and I've seen it. I just didn't realise it would be brought up against us when he hasn't been charged with it. The SS worker said the judge will consider it as well and she's not sure the work he is doing will help him. Which has got us all panicked and him feeling worthless again.
I feel like the police and SS are trying to punish him/us but don't know if I'm projecting my anger onto them. I just don't think it's fair for him to be punished by then for something the CPS decided didn't need to be charged
I feel like the police and SS are trying to punish him/us but don't know if I'm projecting my anger onto them. I just don't think it's fair for him to be punished by then for something the CPS decided didn't need to be charged
The evidence I have seen was a group chat where my husband has sent one message, it was regarding children. From this one comment the police and ss have decided it is his fantasy and he is hiding an attraction. The solicitors asked for the conversation and he had only made that one comment- I'm not condoning this but don't believe it is a fantasy.
It's the off hand comments the police and ss make, like 'your lucky shes understanding' 'are you sure your fully informed as it's bad'. They are meant to be professionals.
thank you, the support on here is amazing and helps me to be strong. I have searched the forum and found Steve Lowe and Victoria Appleyard as people who can do independent risk assessments but wasn't sure when we should do one. But honestly, I feel like they are trying to paint him as a write off.
would his solicitor be able to help us with this? I thought they would be just for the court?
I don't think ss have seen the full conversation as it wasn't in the CPS file, so they do just have the one line he said. The ss said courts can't charge you for a fantasy or for what you say and that's why he hasn't been charged for it-but I have seen on here people are charged for that. It's hard to believe what she says now.
I agree about the police, but it just isn't fair or right. When does the oic stop being involved?
thank you, the support on here is amazing and helps me to be strong. I have searched the forum and found Steve Lowe and Victoria Appleyard as people who can do independent risk assessments but wasn't sure when we should do one. But honestly, I feel like they are trying to paint him as a write off.
would his solicitor be able to help us with this? I thought they would be just for the court?
I don't think ss have seen the full conversation as it wasn't in the CPS file, so they do just have the one line he said. The ss said courts can't charge you for a fantasy or for what you say and that's why he hasn't been charged for it-but I have seen on here people are charged for that. It's hard to believe what she says now.
I agree about the police, but it just isn't fair or right. When does the oic stop being involved?
Thank you so much lee, it is so good to be able to talk to someone about all this.
I saw one of your comments that said sometimes an independent assessment isn't accepted by ss, I have thought about getting one done but don't want to pay for it and then it not be taken notice of.
we are paying for our solicitor but have just applied for legal aid for crown court, hoping we get something towards the costs. Our first solicitor was rubbish so we switched and weren't eligible for legal aid.
I saw one of your comments that said sometimes an independent assessment isn't accepted by ss, I have thought about getting one done but don't want to pay for it and then it not be taken notice of.
we are paying for our solicitor but have just applied for legal aid for crown court, hoping we get something towards the costs. Our first solicitor was rubbish so we switched and weren't eligible for legal aid.
Ok, I will call the solicitor on Monday and see where we go from there.
thank you so much for all your help and advice I really appreciate it. We were managing well with all of this up until this week and now feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath us. I have seen such an improvement in my hubby and I'm so proud of all the work he has put into himself-off his own back to turn this around. I feel like all the professionals who are meant to help us are against us.
I keep saying they can't stop us being a family and they can't stop him being a dad, but they have really tried to do that this week
thank you lee xx
thank you so much for all your help and advice I really appreciate it. We were managing well with all of this up until this week and now feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath us. I have seen such an improvement in my hubby and I'm so proud of all the work he has put into himself-off his own back to turn this around. I feel like all the professionals who are meant to help us are against us.
I keep saying they can't stop us being a family and they can't stop him being a dad, but they have really tried to do that this week
thank you lee xx
Gz I wanted to reach out ss are a nightmare I have had a fight and a half with them,, my partner was charged with publication of obsense article he got 15 months and served 7. They have thrown everything at me because I know he has mental health,, porn addiction and many pa's trauma,, we are also now awaiting a ADHD referral and I was told I am in denail I don't know what I am on about. I said know I have worked with individuals with these conviction. Ss turned and told he so dangerous your not listening my reply was so dangerous he has no shpo no sor and free to move around right her reply was hes on the sexual risk order for 10yrs,, I replied what all that states he not to delet Internet history and can only have contact with any under 16 with disclose to parents and ss. I then ask ss what have you done for us as a family me and my children. 13 months down the line and the fight still goes on but now ss have admite they have done anything and we are still awaiting reports and assessments to be done and we are in the Family Court the end of next month. Keep fighting show them u have nothing to hide and keep very good records hope u will not need them but I am awaiting to act on mine,, if you can try and get thro it working with this one then keep going and I love her angry face when she comes and see that I don't need her help or anyone else and we are moving forward but I know it's all down to me and my family and talking to h hope this makes sense xxx wish u all the best xx
We have just had another call from SS and the manager has now decided that my husband is not allowed in the family home and we can only see him in the community.
I don't know why a week after being told he can't sleep here they have now decided this, I'm breaking. I have a 7 month old and don't know how I can do this.
They have said that he may never be allowed back home.
I just don't feel strong enough now
I don't know why a week after being told he can't sleep here they have now decided this, I'm breaking. I have a 7 month old and don't know how I can do this.
They have said that he may never be allowed back home.
I just don't feel strong enough now
Hi GZ,
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm not involved with SS personally but they do seem like a real piece of work who let their personal opinions override professional judgements. It is easy for SS to dictate that your husband is not allowed home as it eliminates the risk and essentially forces your hand. Outside of SS, I'm sure this would be considered coercive control! I am really sorry though that they are not considering the emotional harm caused by their actions - I can't imagine how difficult this all is. You can see many women on here have battled SS for their right to remain as a family and yours may now be beginning. I know it is easier said that done try not to feel defeated, put on your war paint on and show them that they are speaking from their a*se. You and your child deserve better support than this - you are one strong mumma! X
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm not involved with SS personally but they do seem like a real piece of work who let their personal opinions override professional judgements. It is easy for SS to dictate that your husband is not allowed home as it eliminates the risk and essentially forces your hand. Outside of SS, I'm sure this would be considered coercive control! I am really sorry though that they are not considering the emotional harm caused by their actions - I can't imagine how difficult this all is. You can see many women on here have battled SS for their right to remain as a family and yours may now be beginning. I know it is easier said that done try not to feel defeated, put on your war paint on and show them that they are speaking from their a*se. You and your child deserve better support than this - you are one strong mumma! X
I have just seen the assessment they have done on us, it is so full of errors and personal opinion. I'm so angry that they can do this.
they have stated that my husband has groomed me and our parents and has coercive control over us, I am in denial and don't understand how bad it is. They have his charges wrong and the police have given them information that wasn't in the CPS file at the solicitors.
we have emailed our solicitor for legal advice and we are going to fight to stay a family, I just don't understand how they can do this to people.
they have stated that my husband has groomed me and our parents and has coercive control over us, I am in denial and don't understand how bad it is. They have his charges wrong and the police have given them information that wasn't in the CPS file at the solicitors.
we have emailed our solicitor for legal advice and we are going to fight to stay a family, I just don't understand how they can do this to people.
Gz my social worker well their is no words for her she had very personal opinions on this case and I have fought back lea gives great advice same as many others on here,, I did the one thing ss would hate I take it out of their hands and put it in the hands of the private courts this made my fight harder but I stuck my heals in and showed them I will work with them nothing has happened to my kids. I have pulled them on their faults I am now at a point I have been told by her manger I can start legal proceedings against them cause of the way the have treated me. I not going to tell u it easy it's not and they will pull things out and try and scare by we will remove the children,, only you know if you got the fight but we will be their to help to xxx stopso form room is a good place for help with ss to xx
We have got our ICPC tomorrow, I have seen SS report which says they recommend a CPP as I won't choose between my husband and my daughter and don't think she is at risk of significant harm. They still think I have been groomed and I'm not sure how I can change this opinion of me.
I have scrolled through what feels like all of this forum taking notes about what to do. I have made a list of things which I have done to show I am protective. It just feels like the process is against me for sticking with my husband.
I am willing to fight to keep our family together but I'm just having a moment where I can't believe this is happening and my parenting is being questioned.
I have scrolled through what feels like all of this forum taking notes about what to do. I have made a list of things which I have done to show I am protective. It just feels like the process is against me for sticking with my husband.
I am willing to fight to keep our family together but I'm just having a moment where I can't believe this is happening and my parenting is being questioned.
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Hi Orchid,
I actually saw you recommend this book on the family rights group forum and bought it. It has been very useful, I have spoken to my husband at length about grooming. I work nights and shifts so he used this as his opportunity.
they actually have never spoken to me alone or asked me any questions regarding this. I'm just worried that if I point out the errors in their assessment they'll use that against me as well
I actually saw you recommend this book on the family rights group forum and bought it. It has been very useful, I have spoken to my husband at length about grooming. I work nights and shifts so he used this as his opportunity.
they actually have never spoken to me alone or asked me any questions regarding this. I'm just worried that if I point out the errors in their assessment they'll use that against me as well
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