Family and Friends Forum

Advised by solicitor to admit a sexual interest in children?

Notifications OFF

Heartbroken

Member since
January 2021

20 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 2:39pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sat May 7, 2022 9:09am

GZ

Member since
December 2021

164 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 3:49pmReport post

Our social worker is currently saying the same thing to my husband. She is placing us on a cpp as he isn't doing anything to overcome his attraction and is hiding it behind the other work he's doing, his mental health and his porn addiction.
I can't even think that he would need to admit to this in front of a judge, how can you admit something that isn't true

GZ

Member since
December 2021

164 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 3:50pmReport post

He doesn't have an attraction and again we don't want to admit to something as it will always be there. But she's making it seem like we have to say he does to be able to do work to overcome it to be able to work with social services.

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 4:41pmReport post

Totally agree with Lee on this. I feel quite angry reading this (that's my general mood today though related to my own personal situation)

1. I don't think that all people that find themselves in this situation are even remotely attracted to children. It's the taboo. The chasing of a high.

2. It'll stick with him for the rest of his life if it's printed in any press.

The lack of understanding around these offenses and behaviours that lead to them is so misunderstood.

I also don't think it limits the perception of any rehabilitation he can do and the credibility that goes with that. One is addressing a very specific desire and reasons that came about. One is addressing and understanding the implications of offences. The addressing and understanding part would be different depending on whether they had a sexual interest in children or if was a porn escalation thing.

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 5:29pmReport post

My partner was a similar case- taboo interest in porn then led to iioc and animal abuse images and videos. As far as I am aware he hasn't been told or pushed to say he has an interest in children. Tho some people in authority roles have essentially said or implied they think he is krbat least a risk of having attraction.

He has had a professional assessment done that shows there is no strong evidence to suggest he has attraction to children, especially to his own kids. His issue is mostly the kick he gets out of sexual images and videos...the professional basically said he has an addiction to the taboo nature of it, not that he has sexual attraction.

At the end of the day, if your partner has been working hard with rehabilitation and is open and honest he should continue to be honest when being assessed. It will bite him if he says something that isn't true, even if the truth the authorities don't want to hear.

To me by pushing to say he has attraction to children will just make it seem to others rehabilitation is impossible/a lot harder. I think it is likely to be a lot hard to stop feelings of attraction than if the root cause is addiction. Also his future rehabilitation will not be tailored to his real issue with iioc if he is seen as attracted to children.

Judith

Member since
June 2021

195 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 5:35pmReport post

Heartbroken, Sal and others, there is no way anyone should be pressurised into telling lies to a criminal court.Presumably, if your menfolk have reports from their therapists it would have been made very clear that the problem was one of addiction, not one of attraction to children or pedigree dogs. What is the point of an assessment of it doesn't result in someone getting the right kind of treatment or support?

Yes, it makes me very cross too. As someone who has spent about 40 years working with vulnerable adults I also feel disgusted that a social worker would be so blinkered as to believe s/he knows best in this matter when what s/he has identified is a training need. I would be minded to make a complaint but I can understand folk not wishing to do this.

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 5:43pmReport post

Exactly what majestic topaz has said!

Being forced to admit something that is not true is of no benefit nor will him getting help for something that isn't a problem be of help - In fact possibly quite damaging to him!

Heartbroken

Member since
January 2021

20 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 6:32pmReport post

Thank you for all your responses x

Judith

Member since
June 2021

195 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 6:33pmReport post

Sorry, think GZ mentioned the social worker.

No, nobody should be doing that.

Edited Thu January 27, 2022 6:34pm

Jayjay

Member since
December 2021

695 posts

Posted Thu January 27, 2022 10:25pmReport post

yes! Solicitor said they may use the 'not being attracted to minors' against him! As if admitting it there may be more chance of rehab / no custodial!!

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Fri January 28, 2022 12:55pmReport post

I really don't understand that because over my months of reading media stories relating to this and other stuff I would say that admitting an attraction to children can be worse? Because then they connect offending to attraction and use words like danger so then custodial seems more appropriate. That's my take on it anyway. Not every case involves attraction, in fact many seem to be the opposite. I saw an article in which a man had blamed his stress on his offending and all the judge said was it was no excuse. I think it's unfair to force someone to admit something they don't believe. Maybe a psychologist report or something similar might help navigate away from that narrative? Xx

Summer

Member since
July 2019

394 posts

Posted Fri January 28, 2022 8:37pmReport post

I would suggest as others have said, do not state an interest in children unless he dies have one.

don't admit to something your not guilty of, I can't see it being of any be if it in court and definitely not with childrens sevices. They will use this against you and will never be able to retract it.



huge hugs stay strong

Jayjay

Member since
December 2021

695 posts

Posted Sat January 29, 2022 4:37pmReport post

I agree Summer, I would never admit to something that wasn't true let alone something as huge as this!

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

635 posts

Posted Sun January 30, 2022 5:28pmReport post

This whole thing horrrifies me, it is basically asking someone to be dishonest. No one should have to confess to something they didn't do, and no one should be forced to admit to being something they are not. Is this not coercion? This whole process involves so many aspects of mental torture, for both the accused and their partners and families.

Bluebell77

Member since
October 2020

89 posts

Posted Sun January 30, 2022 8:01pmReport post

Yes my husband was.

The judge said unless he was willing to admit it he would be given a custodial rather than a suspended as there was no hope for rehabilitation if he didnt admit there was an attraction.

We had no other option. I was heavily pregnant and if hubby would have got a sentance we would have lost our home. I gave birth the next week so it's a good job it was suspended.

His barrister also advised him to admit to get the suspended.

We were devastated as it was printed In the media with no explanation. It still irks me now

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Sun January 30, 2022 8:56pmReport post

Wow! I'm so shocked and saddened to read this. It shows a complete lack of understanding about the behaviours that lead to many of these offenses.