Am I deluding myself?
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Feel like I'm going crazy and need to get this out, apologies in advance if my ramblings make no sense. I've decided to try to work through things with my partner (not sure if that's the correct word at the moment). Very complicated as my older children (not his) don't want anything to do with him. We have a baby together, he sees her once a week currently. The safety plan is worded in a way that probation have interpreted as his parents must both be present during contact. I was deemed a protective factor and will be going back to ss in the Summer to query this and hopefully give us more flexibility. If things progress as they are we're looking to do couples counselling in a year or so once I'm more confident leaving baby with someone. Sometimes I can't escape my thoughts about what he's done and I know if it was anyone else I'd be calling them a monster. Selfishly, sometimes I'm angry that he left me when I needed him the most. When I see him with our daughter I feel sad that she's missing out on having someone who is proving himself to be a good dad around all the time. I'm worried that I'll never be able to get over this, am I just delaying the inevitable? Can anyone relate to this? I feel very alone
Hi Distressed / our story is different in many ways. I have to cope with our son serving a long prison sentence. We do share that 'lonely' feeling.
I do share things with a few people but I feel most are uneasy with talking about whats happened (my husband remains very angry and always has a nasty comment if I mention our son).
So i walk this road alone - with thoughts secretly swirling round in my head. It's is so damn hard at times, but this forum is pure gold to me and I realise I'm not alone. You are not alone, hug sent x
I do share things with a few people but I feel most are uneasy with talking about whats happened (my husband remains very angry and always has a nasty comment if I mention our son).
So i walk this road alone - with thoughts secretly swirling round in my head. It's is so damn hard at times, but this forum is pure gold to me and I realise I'm not alone. You are not alone, hug sent x
Thank you Smile. Hugs sent back to you too xx
Hi
Again it's my son that is the factor in our family it's hard to walk away from anyone you love I know we all have different circumstances and life's but being on this group I can share my thoughts with you all.
My husband is a closed book so won't talk about it unless I do and my daughter is very angry with my son so it's hard.
I do wear my heart on my sleeve I hate bottling things up so finding this site was great
Thinking of you and your family
X
Again it's my son that is the factor in our family it's hard to walk away from anyone you love I know we all have different circumstances and life's but being on this group I can share my thoughts with you all.
My husband is a closed book so won't talk about it unless I do and my daughter is very angry with my son so it's hard.
I do wear my heart on my sleeve I hate bottling things up so finding this site was great
Thinking of you and your family
X
Morning Ladies
It is also my son as some of you know he is on remand waiting for sentencing
Smile and Mum50 if only we could reach out other than on here as we have so many of the same feelings
I have just enrolled in the LFF course so hopefully will gain more support and hopefully be able to provide support for others
Just wanted to send you all a hug xx
It is also my son as some of you know he is on remand waiting for sentencing
Smile and Mum50 if only we could reach out other than on here as we have so many of the same feelings
I have just enrolled in the LFF course so hopefully will gain more support and hopefully be able to provide support for others
Just wanted to send you all a hug xx
Hi All,
Thank you so much for your words of comfort. He was sentenced almost a year ago to 3 years probation, 5 years SHPO and 5 SOR, 90 hours community service.
He has done lff modules and the engage course. SS closed the case before sentencing while he was on remand. It was briefly opened (one telephone call) after sentencing as other conversations were found.
To add, we're financially independent as always have been because of the older children.
Thank you so much for your words of comfort. He was sentenced almost a year ago to 3 years probation, 5 years SHPO and 5 SOR, 90 hours community service.
He has done lff modules and the engage course. SS closed the case before sentencing while he was on remand. It was briefly opened (one telephone call) after sentencing as other conversations were found.
To add, we're financially independent as always have been because of the older children.
Dear Distressed and pregnant
When I signed in today and read your topic title "am I deluding myself", it was like someone had read my mind. I am (secretly) making plans to have my husband back, slowly over time and all I keep thinking is...am I kidding myself? We had the knock almost 10 weeks ago and he has not been back to our family home since. Our 19 year old daughter said he is dead to her so I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that if and when we get back together. I dont know about you but, when I see him, I believe that he lost his way and we can get through this and be stronger together. When I'm not with him, thats when the negative thoughts and doubt creep in. I dint know if I'm going to be able to fight those thoughts for the next 30 years without turning into a crazy woman that clones phones and bugs cars.
You are not alone in doubting yourself, I'm right there with you.
Take care x
When I signed in today and read your topic title "am I deluding myself", it was like someone had read my mind. I am (secretly) making plans to have my husband back, slowly over time and all I keep thinking is...am I kidding myself? We had the knock almost 10 weeks ago and he has not been back to our family home since. Our 19 year old daughter said he is dead to her so I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that if and when we get back together. I dont know about you but, when I see him, I believe that he lost his way and we can get through this and be stronger together. When I'm not with him, thats when the negative thoughts and doubt creep in. I dint know if I'm going to be able to fight those thoughts for the next 30 years without turning into a crazy woman that clones phones and bugs cars.
You are not alone in doubting yourself, I'm right there with you.
Take care x
I too frequently doubt myself and my own judgement. My other half maintains he is innocent and after seeing all of the evidence and knowing him as well as I do, I do believe him (although I am angry with him about his activities that led to him being in this situation).
But sometimes I wonder, what if I've got it wrong? And even if I haven't, am I strong enough to be able to front up and defend him to people who are more judgemental, who will think me deluded, an idiot, or colluding with a guilty person?
But sometimes I wonder, what if I've got it wrong? And even if I haven't, am I strong enough to be able to front up and defend him to people who are more judgemental, who will think me deluded, an idiot, or colluding with a guilty person?
Hi,
Really don't like the fact I can't see responses while responding so I apologise if I jumble responses or miss anyone. SHPO restrictions are all in relation to online communication, no restrictions for being around children. I plan to meet with his probation officer and visor before going back to ss, he has spoken to them about this already and they are both happy to meet with us. Visor said she thought I could supervise contact anyway and doesn't see there being an issue as we've both stated that the pace of things will be determined by my older children and their situations. My children know that we plan to do couples counselling and whilst they are not particularly happy they understand that they are now getting to a point where they will be off living their own lives and they trust me to make good decisions for myself and baby.
AnneMarie, you are very early on in your journey and your daughter is grieving. Allow her to do that safely with you as much as possible. She may change her opinion as time goes on. We are 18 months since the knock and nearly 12 months after sentencing. He was sentenced on the Monday and I gave birth on the Friday, spoke to his visor whilst in labour. Was in the press on the Saturday, so all in all a very busy, emotional time.
Regarding the safety plan, I was of the opinion that we wrote it together but sw took so long to write it that I think a lot of what was said was inaccurate but I was so pleased to have the case closed I didn't query it at the time. His parents were originally there because I wasn't sure how I'd cope with seeing him and didn't want any tension around baby. I am now wiser and more importantly calmer so the next time I go to them it will be with a robust plan of what we have done, will do in the immediate future and courses etc to keep our daughter safe as she grows.
Really don't like the fact I can't see responses while responding so I apologise if I jumble responses or miss anyone. SHPO restrictions are all in relation to online communication, no restrictions for being around children. I plan to meet with his probation officer and visor before going back to ss, he has spoken to them about this already and they are both happy to meet with us. Visor said she thought I could supervise contact anyway and doesn't see there being an issue as we've both stated that the pace of things will be determined by my older children and their situations. My children know that we plan to do couples counselling and whilst they are not particularly happy they understand that they are now getting to a point where they will be off living their own lives and they trust me to make good decisions for myself and baby.
AnneMarie, you are very early on in your journey and your daughter is grieving. Allow her to do that safely with you as much as possible. She may change her opinion as time goes on. We are 18 months since the knock and nearly 12 months after sentencing. He was sentenced on the Monday and I gave birth on the Friday, spoke to his visor whilst in labour. Was in the press on the Saturday, so all in all a very busy, emotional time.
Regarding the safety plan, I was of the opinion that we wrote it together but sw took so long to write it that I think a lot of what was said was inaccurate but I was so pleased to have the case closed I didn't query it at the time. His parents were originally there because I wasn't sure how I'd cope with seeing him and didn't want any tension around baby. I am now wiser and more importantly calmer so the next time I go to them it will be with a robust plan of what we have done, will do in the immediate future and courses etc to keep our daughter safe as she grows.