Can SS dictate your relationship status?
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My husband was on bail until recently. Bail conditions have now been dropped and he is able to have supervised contact with the children. The supervision has to be done by his sister, which is fine by me - we are very close. The thing that does bother me is that SS have stipulated that I cannot be present during his contact with them. When I asked them why, they said it was because they were concerned I would resume a relationship with him. I have not decided what I will do about our relationship. I have chosen in my own head to not make a decision about that until at least we know the outcome of the investigation.
My question is, can SS make that decision for me and say we can't be together if that was what I wanted? Would he ever be able to live at home again?
Also, how easy is it to change a safety plan done by SS? I had written my own up beforehand which they are not interested in going through with me. Then they sent me theirs which is literally 2 lines in an email! Mine is far more detailed than theirs. It details specific instances and how they would be dealt with to ensure the safety of my children, and yet I'm not allowed to be there when they see him. It seems ridiculous. What if his sister needs the toilet and it's just the 2 of them there for example? She can hardly cart my two boys to the loo with her. I just want to be there for the sake of the kids, to make it seem "normal", not for any type of relationship with my husband.
Does anyone have any advice?
My question is, can SS make that decision for me and say we can't be together if that was what I wanted? Would he ever be able to live at home again?
Also, how easy is it to change a safety plan done by SS? I had written my own up beforehand which they are not interested in going through with me. Then they sent me theirs which is literally 2 lines in an email! Mine is far more detailed than theirs. It details specific instances and how they would be dealt with to ensure the safety of my children, and yet I'm not allowed to be there when they see him. It seems ridiculous. What if his sister needs the toilet and it's just the 2 of them there for example? She can hardly cart my two boys to the loo with her. I just want to be there for the sake of the kids, to make it seem "normal", not for any type of relationship with my husband.
Does anyone have any advice?
I could understand you not being there if there was issues of DV. I think they just don't want you resuming a relationship as that's easier for them to manage long term.
Depending on what he's done he might be able to come home but you will prob have to supervise him with the children.
Depending on what he's done he might be able to come home but you will prob have to supervise him with the children.
Thanks Summer
No history of DV.
I'm struggling because I don't see how the children being without me when having contact with him is better for them than me being there. I felt really anxious yesterday when they were with him and I couldn't be. I trust my sister in law implicitly, but I didn't like that I wasn't around to oversee everything.
SS's safety plan is such a joke. Mine is so much more thorough!
No history of DV.
I'm struggling because I don't see how the children being without me when having contact with him is better for them than me being there. I felt really anxious yesterday when they were with him and I couldn't be. I trust my sister in law implicitly, but I didn't like that I wasn't around to oversee everything.
SS's safety plan is such a joke. Mine is so much more thorough!
It's taken me over a year to trust anyone with him. He denies it all but I feel this compulsion to be in control of anything to do with the kids. Can you talk to CS and say it is not good for the kids? This tore my family apart and my kids get 1 day a week to vaguely pretend we are normal. I stick to the rules and it is nice for them. You should be allowed that too. I was never told who needed to supervise so up until recently it's just been me.
LizzieLou, thanks. That's all I want. I have sent them an email asking for it to be changed and why I am not deemed safe to look after my own children around him, when I have them 24/7 otherwise by myself. They are just not getting back in touch with me. I just think it's massively unfair, I feel so anxious to not be able to be there with them. It wouldn't be normal for them to have that time without me there and all I want is a little bit of "normality" for my kids x
No, I've not signed anything and we're not on a plan. Or not to my knowledge and I suspect they'd let me know that. They haven't even done a risk assessment that I know of.
I have asked them to carry one out and also asked what I need to do to be deemed safe.
I haven't told them that I don't want to be with him. At the time when I was asked I just said I didn't know how I felt about it all, as that was the truth. Maybe in hindsight I should have said I didn't want to be with him at all, but it was all very early days (and still is really) and my emotions are obviously all over the place.
I have asked them to carry one out and also asked what I need to do to be deemed safe.
I haven't told them that I don't want to be with him. At the time when I was asked I just said I didn't know how I felt about it all, as that was the truth. Maybe in hindsight I should have said I didn't want to be with him at all, but it was all very early days (and still is really) and my emotions are obviously all over the place.
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Hi lee. Thank you. Can you point me in the direction of any free of charge safeguarding courses? I have had a look but can't seem to find any free ones.
Also, I have just seen your thread called reaching out. Is it ok if I reach out to you in that way perhaps? My username is the same as here. X
Also, I have just seen your thread called reaching out. Is it ok if I reach out to you in that way perhaps? My username is the same as here. X