Preparing for a prison sentence - Practical information
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My partner is preparing for a likely prison sentence.
What should we be doing to prepare?! We think his personal afrairs outside of prison are dealt with.
We've brought some stuff that we think he'll be allowed to take inside with him, is there a way to find out a definitive list as to what is allowed?
How much money should he take with him to put on his prison account?
What do things cost in prison? Things like calls, stamps etc. We are wondering how much money he'll need transferred to his account monthly? What other things is he likely to have to spend money on?
Will I ever be able to send him gifts I've purchased normally or will it always need to be done by a prison shop/ supplier?
Is there anything else we should be thinking about to make things as "comfortable" as possible?
Is there anything you wish you'd done or known about before?
What should we be doing to prepare?! We think his personal afrairs outside of prison are dealt with.
We've brought some stuff that we think he'll be allowed to take inside with him, is there a way to find out a definitive list as to what is allowed?
How much money should he take with him to put on his prison account?
What do things cost in prison? Things like calls, stamps etc. We are wondering how much money he'll need transferred to his account monthly? What other things is he likely to have to spend money on?
Will I ever be able to send him gifts I've purchased normally or will it always need to be done by a prison shop/ supplier?
Is there anything else we should be thinking about to make things as "comfortable" as possible?
Is there anything you wish you'd done or known about before?
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Hi,
Rules change from prison to prison. For us everything that included paper was confiscated due to risk of being soaked in spice or something. Make sure he has a phone number memorised just in case this
Email a prisoner is the best way to communicate quickly as it's delivered the day after you send. You can add photos also.
Money is easily spent in prison. Phone, food, magazines, papers all cost. Even TV costs £1 a week! You can buy clothes via catalogues in prison. Gifts aren't usually allowed. I send books via waterstones. You just need the prisoner number in the first line of address and it gets through no problem.
X
Rules change from prison to prison. For us everything that included paper was confiscated due to risk of being soaked in spice or something. Make sure he has a phone number memorised just in case this
Email a prisoner is the best way to communicate quickly as it's delivered the day after you send. You can add photos also.
Money is easily spent in prison. Phone, food, magazines, papers all cost. Even TV costs £1 a week! You can buy clothes via catalogues in prison. Gifts aren't usually allowed. I send books via waterstones. You just need the prisoner number in the first line of address and it gets through no problem.
X
It seems madness that the rules are different in each prison, I can understand in different categories.
Smile, when you said you send puzzles etc, do you mean you send these from home not through the catalogue?
Is each prison catalogue different? Can you see this before hand.
It feels horrible thinking about him going to prison, but having something practical to consider sort of helps.
Was your son (I think it's son) able to keep anything?
Smile, when you said you send puzzles etc, do you mean you send these from home not through the catalogue?
Is each prison catalogue different? Can you see this before hand.
It feels horrible thinking about him going to prison, but having something practical to consider sort of helps.
Was your son (I think it's son) able to keep anything?
Thanks Sarah on the note about everything being confiscated and to remember a number. Was this literally everything?
Are emails free? How much are phone calls?
Any idea on how much we should budget to keep him ticking over? I've heard things are more expensive but hard to contextualise... Are we talking £20 a month, £50 or £100...
Are emails free? How much are phone calls?
Any idea on how much we should budget to keep him ticking over? I've heard things are more expensive but hard to contextualise... Are we talking £20 a month, £50 or £100...
Hi Sal
I put details of what my Husband was allowed on a post titled release from prison on the family section. My husband took razor etc and it was confiscated. I send £100 a month in but we have quite a few phone calls a day, I think he gets to spend around £25 a week and that goes up when you became enhanced which is basically a reward for good behaviour and working. I will double check with my husband later, but I think calls to landlines are around 7p per minute and mobiles maybe 9p. But you can also use prison phone which is a landline number diverted to your mobile. Emails cost you, but not him, you have to add credit to the account online and then tick receive a reply and it's 65p. My husband wasn't allowed to take a list of numbers but I'd made him memorise mine so he had it.
Hope that helps.
I put details of what my Husband was allowed on a post titled release from prison on the family section. My husband took razor etc and it was confiscated. I send £100 a month in but we have quite a few phone calls a day, I think he gets to spend around £25 a week and that goes up when you became enhanced which is basically a reward for good behaviour and working. I will double check with my husband later, but I think calls to landlines are around 7p per minute and mobiles maybe 9p. But you can also use prison phone which is a landline number diverted to your mobile. Emails cost you, but not him, you have to add credit to the account online and then tick receive a reply and it's 65p. My husband wasn't allowed to take a list of numbers but I'd made him memorise mine so he had it.
Hope that helps.
Gosh, we've purchased things I'm now wondering if it was worth it. I feel so niave.
Has anyone been able to take things in?
Has anyone been able to take things in?
Thanks Emma that context on how much was really helpful. I'll look at the other post.
I will look at Prison Phone too.
I will look at Prison Phone too.
You've not been naive at all. I did the exact same thing and will be donating a battery powered razor and radio to the charity shop soon! He also has around £30 of stamps in a bag with stuff he couldn't take. My husband did say he wished he would have taken clothes for other seasons as when it got to summer he was boiling in jeans!
Thanks Emma, I've just read through the other thread and made a note of different types of clothes and pj's... Don't think he's worm those since he was a kid.
Seems unlikely he'll be able to take other things in with him. He's purchased them though, so I guess he may as well try. I'll warn him though that they may not be allowed in.
Seems unlikely he'll be able to take other things in with him. He's purchased them though, so I guess he may as well try. I'll warn him though that they may not be allowed in.
Don't feel naive. How are we meant to know these things. No one offers any help other than on here! We followed a list we found online. Stamps, pens notebooks, flip-flops, toiletries etc etc. All confiscated. He has to buy all the stuff mentioned.
Email a prisoner is about 65p an email. Costs more to add a reply sheet and again more for photos. This is for me to fund not him.
In three months he's spent around £200 on phonecalls, clothes, soap etc and other 'luxuries'. Most of his clothes were also confiscated as he had hoodie, black t-shirt all the stuff we didn't know was banned.
I think I'd pack as much as possible regardless of our experience. You never know what the local prison rules are.
Xxx
Email a prisoner is about 65p an email. Costs more to add a reply sheet and again more for photos. This is for me to fund not him.
In three months he's spent around £200 on phonecalls, clothes, soap etc and other 'luxuries'. Most of his clothes were also confiscated as he had hoodie, black t-shirt all the stuff we didn't know was banned.
I think I'd pack as much as possible regardless of our experience. You never know what the local prison rules are.
Xxx
Thank you both Sarah and Emma for reassurancing me that I'm not naive.
He's purchased clothes that are all grey so hopefully they will be allowed.
I hate the thought of him being in there and want to make things as comfortable as possible.
He's purchased clothes that are all grey so hopefully they will be allowed.
I hate the thought of him being in there and want to make things as comfortable as possible.
Hi, when my husband was sentanced everything was taken from him. He had memorised my number but took about a week before he was allowed a phone call/it got approved. But we talk daily now.
He spoke to the chaplains and they rang me to tell me he was ok,where he was and his prisoner number before my number was approved which gave some relief as knew he was ok.
I sent in clothes once he got a list of what was allowed as it seems different prisons have different rules about sending them in or if they can be dropped off. He seemed to spend a lot (over £100) when 1st there to get a shaver, hair trimmers, toiletries paper, stamps etc. But he has a job now and he rings the landline so is so much cheaper. I probably send 30-50 a month now and hes always says he has plenty with snacks etc.
Before he was sentanced he wrote all passwords, log ins, any details down for banking etc just on case. He also cancelled all subscriptions etc so it was done. We weren't expecting a custodial but am so glad he did it as made it all so much easier.
I hope everything goes well for you, its such an anxious time xx
He spoke to the chaplains and they rang me to tell me he was ok,where he was and his prisoner number before my number was approved which gave some relief as knew he was ok.
I sent in clothes once he got a list of what was allowed as it seems different prisons have different rules about sending them in or if they can be dropped off. He seemed to spend a lot (over £100) when 1st there to get a shaver, hair trimmers, toiletries paper, stamps etc. But he has a job now and he rings the landline so is so much cheaper. I probably send 30-50 a month now and hes always says he has plenty with snacks etc.
Before he was sentanced he wrote all passwords, log ins, any details down for banking etc just on case. He also cancelled all subscriptions etc so it was done. We weren't expecting a custodial but am so glad he did it as made it all so much easier.
I hope everything goes well for you, its such an anxious time xx
Thank you so much Ttyh.
Did he take clothes with him and they too were confiscated? Were you able to send some or did these need to be purchased through the catalogue?
I feel so sad thinking about this but glad I asked the question to allow us to be better prepared.
He's written all the details down in a note book to give to me. I'm not even sure we will stay together. The other person that is some what involved wants minimal interaction and is only there to do bigger practical things. Feels like regardless of whether we stay together he's going to need someone on the outside.
Did he take clothes with him and they too were confiscated? Were you able to send some or did these need to be purchased through the catalogue?
I feel so sad thinking about this but glad I asked the question to allow us to be better prepared.
He's written all the details down in a note book to give to me. I'm not even sure we will stay together. The other person that is some what involved wants minimal interaction and is only there to do bigger practical things. Feels like regardless of whether we stay together he's going to need someone on the outside.
Hi Sal
He took a pair of jeans, trainers a few boxers and a top but his suit was taken and stored away. He mainly wore the tracksuits given when he 1st got there and just wore his jeans for visits. I sent all of his clothes in, he was allowed a certain number or tshirts, jumpers, boxers,socks jeans,shorts shoes. Can't fully remember now but he was told the list and he just let me know so I just posted them in.
Just do what feels best for you, dont feel like you have to do anything you dont want to or pressured as theres no one else. I think a lot of this process makes us all feel we have to do things to help as its a tough situation but you are the most important and do what makes you happy in all areas of your life. I'm staying with my husband atm but we had 11 months before sentancing and worked a lot out but that could also change. Who knows when he is released. Since he's been in though I have told him on a couple of occasions to not call for a bit to give me space as its still overwhelming at times. Lots of ups and downs
He took a pair of jeans, trainers a few boxers and a top but his suit was taken and stored away. He mainly wore the tracksuits given when he 1st got there and just wore his jeans for visits. I sent all of his clothes in, he was allowed a certain number or tshirts, jumpers, boxers,socks jeans,shorts shoes. Can't fully remember now but he was told the list and he just let me know so I just posted them in.
Just do what feels best for you, dont feel like you have to do anything you dont want to or pressured as theres no one else. I think a lot of this process makes us all feel we have to do things to help as its a tough situation but you are the most important and do what makes you happy in all areas of your life. I'm staying with my husband atm but we had 11 months before sentancing and worked a lot out but that could also change. Who knows when he is released. Since he's been in though I have told him on a couple of occasions to not call for a bit to give me space as its still overwhelming at times. Lots of ups and downs
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Thank you Smile for clearing that up. Like so much of this process it seems like pot luck, or lack of, as to what is allowed, when and how.
The information you've provided has really helped paint a picture.
Although helpful, I do want to cry.
The information you've provided has really helped paint a picture.
Although helpful, I do want to cry.
SAL,
Try not to let it overwhelm you. Obviously it os easier for me to say this as we are past sentencing and living the prison experience.
In our experience prison has been OK so far. It's obviously not pleasant but he feels safe and is working to keep busy. Courses are offered Math, English and more.
He needs to take every opportunity going and just be polite to people. It's not how it is portrayed on TV. Obviously there are incidents but with offences such as these they are placed on the vp wings. These wings are quieter, generally.
Nothing can prepare you for the shock but it will settle into a routine.
X
Try not to let it overwhelm you. Obviously it os easier for me to say this as we are past sentencing and living the prison experience.
In our experience prison has been OK so far. It's obviously not pleasant but he feels safe and is working to keep busy. Courses are offered Math, English and more.
He needs to take every opportunity going and just be polite to people. It's not how it is portrayed on TV. Obviously there are incidents but with offences such as these they are placed on the vp wings. These wings are quieter, generally.
Nothing can prepare you for the shock but it will settle into a routine.
X
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Thank you Ttyh its very hard to not feel the pressure, especially when he has no one else. He's been very good and tried to arrange thing in a way that puts as little pressure on me as possible, but I can't help but feel there is no choice but to be there for him, even if it's just as friend. I'll start some therapy after he's been through court and we know the outcome, hopefully that will help..
Thanks for your input on this thread, its been helpful.
Thanks for your input on this thread, its been helpful.
Smiles and Sarah thank you for the reassurance. I can't bring myself to think of him in prison and how he might cope. But it's good to know that it perhaps isn't like we see on the TV.
Also SAL if he does get a custodial, there are charities/people who help when they are 1st sentanced and can help with bills/phone contracts and get them stopped/paused whilst in there as that's something they have to do.
Hoping the best outcome for you and your husband. Xx
Hoping the best outcome for you and your husband. Xx
Hi Sal,
We did a similar thing, wrote lists etc. For him it was mainly paper that didn't make it through. He packed toothbrush, a few pairs of pants and socks and a couple of tshirts and joggers in a small rucksack so he had things for the first few days. His solicitor said you also want to play the game a bit, and not turn up to court with a wheely suitcase type thing as it shows you're not 100% expecting custodial.
I know it depends on where he goes, but you are normally allowed to send in a parcel after the first couple of weeks. We had the rest of his clothes, flip flops etc in there, and he knew what he did and didn't need /was and wasn't allowed by that point, so it was more useful and I didn't end up sending stuff that wouldn't get through the checks. Saying that, 2 months in he got moved prisons and the new place has a no flip flop rule for example, but they can also get prison issue clothes to keep them going whilst they wait for more to arrive. They are free, joggers, tshirt a fleece etc. Apparently the underwear is dreadfully uncomfortable. Most people just wear joggers and tshirt most of the time I think. They don't move around much and the regime is pretty minimal at the moment due to covid, I know everywhere will be different, but some places offer work usually, but may not be currently due to covid.
Waterstones is great for sending in books and puzzle books like su dokus etc.
Good luck, you are doing everything you can to be as prepared as you can. Believe me it helps to make it feel slightly less overwhelming when/if it happens. You will be busy dealing with the emotional side of things so having all the practical stuff already sorted helps immensely.
Phone calls vary hugely depending on location. In the last place we would spend 30 to 40 quid a week for 20-30 mins a day on the mobile, landlines are definitely the way to go, so much cheaper. Then the new place is so much cheaper, he spends 15-20 a week for the equivalent, although now I'm speaking to him a lot less...the irony!
I was much like you, not knowing if we'd stay together, but it really helps their transition having someone to do those bits on the outside for them.
On another note, I had no idea so many of us on here had ended up with custodials, I read so often in the comments about suspended sentences. Not sure if it makes me relieved or feel worse that so many of us have had to go through this!
Sending love and support, your husband is a lucky man to have your support x
We did a similar thing, wrote lists etc. For him it was mainly paper that didn't make it through. He packed toothbrush, a few pairs of pants and socks and a couple of tshirts and joggers in a small rucksack so he had things for the first few days. His solicitor said you also want to play the game a bit, and not turn up to court with a wheely suitcase type thing as it shows you're not 100% expecting custodial.
I know it depends on where he goes, but you are normally allowed to send in a parcel after the first couple of weeks. We had the rest of his clothes, flip flops etc in there, and he knew what he did and didn't need /was and wasn't allowed by that point, so it was more useful and I didn't end up sending stuff that wouldn't get through the checks. Saying that, 2 months in he got moved prisons and the new place has a no flip flop rule for example, but they can also get prison issue clothes to keep them going whilst they wait for more to arrive. They are free, joggers, tshirt a fleece etc. Apparently the underwear is dreadfully uncomfortable. Most people just wear joggers and tshirt most of the time I think. They don't move around much and the regime is pretty minimal at the moment due to covid, I know everywhere will be different, but some places offer work usually, but may not be currently due to covid.
Waterstones is great for sending in books and puzzle books like su dokus etc.
Good luck, you are doing everything you can to be as prepared as you can. Believe me it helps to make it feel slightly less overwhelming when/if it happens. You will be busy dealing with the emotional side of things so having all the practical stuff already sorted helps immensely.
Phone calls vary hugely depending on location. In the last place we would spend 30 to 40 quid a week for 20-30 mins a day on the mobile, landlines are definitely the way to go, so much cheaper. Then the new place is so much cheaper, he spends 15-20 a week for the equivalent, although now I'm speaking to him a lot less...the irony!
I was much like you, not knowing if we'd stay together, but it really helps their transition having someone to do those bits on the outside for them.
On another note, I had no idea so many of us on here had ended up with custodials, I read so often in the comments about suspended sentences. Not sure if it makes me relieved or feel worse that so many of us have had to go through this!
Sending love and support, your husband is a lucky man to have your support x
Thanks BusyLizzie
The point your solicitor made is a good one, I'll talk to my partner about that and ask him to talk to his solicitor. And thanks for the info re clothes, seems that we might be best to split the stuff he's purchased, put half in his bag and other half to me.
I think I'll ask him to go through an make a wish list on Waterstones so I can keep him supplied with books - He reads loads even now, so he'll wizz through books in prison.
I can't believe the difference in price for calls. How do you find talking to him on the phone? Is it difficult to find things to talk about?... Just thinking if they aren't able to do a lot, perhaps they don't have much to talk about?! Any tips you have on this would be really helpful.
Do you find it hard? (seems like a silly question really)
Out of interest how does your partner spend his days?
I've said I can't commit to how long I can commit to helping him beyond the first few months whilst he adjusts. He understands that. We were just starting our on our relationship really. We'd known each other for a couple do years but had only been together for 9 months when I found out. I almost which we'd been further down the line, married and kids, feel that the decision would be made for me - I'd stay and ride it out. Right now other than love, I've more reasons to leave than stay and staying means giving up the hope to have children.
I think I recall your partner is on a similar sentence to what my partner has been told to expect. Was you partner told to expect custodial? I understand the mix of relief and sadness.
I feel like there are lots of similarities in the situations we both find ourselves in.
The point your solicitor made is a good one, I'll talk to my partner about that and ask him to talk to his solicitor. And thanks for the info re clothes, seems that we might be best to split the stuff he's purchased, put half in his bag and other half to me.
I think I'll ask him to go through an make a wish list on Waterstones so I can keep him supplied with books - He reads loads even now, so he'll wizz through books in prison.
I can't believe the difference in price for calls. How do you find talking to him on the phone? Is it difficult to find things to talk about?... Just thinking if they aren't able to do a lot, perhaps they don't have much to talk about?! Any tips you have on this would be really helpful.
Do you find it hard? (seems like a silly question really)
Out of interest how does your partner spend his days?
I've said I can't commit to how long I can commit to helping him beyond the first few months whilst he adjusts. He understands that. We were just starting our on our relationship really. We'd known each other for a couple do years but had only been together for 9 months when I found out. I almost which we'd been further down the line, married and kids, feel that the decision would be made for me - I'd stay and ride it out. Right now other than love, I've more reasons to leave than stay and staying means giving up the hope to have children.
I think I recall your partner is on a similar sentence to what my partner has been told to expect. Was you partner told to expect custodial? I understand the mix of relief and sadness.
I feel like there are lots of similarities in the situations we both find ourselves in.
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Thanks Smile the list is a good idea. You seem to do a really good job at being positive and upbeat.
How does your son spend his days? I'm trying to build up a picture to prepare myself.
Even now I have some guilt whenever I am able to enjoy parts of my life, I feel it'll get worse when he's in prison and I'll feel bad for sharing good parts of my life, knowing things will be far from good for him. I know I shouldn't and he fully encourages me to get on as normal and feels better when I am able to get on with life closer to normal. Something to talk to a counsellor about when I feel able to start.
How does your son spend his days? I'm trying to build up a picture to prepare myself.
Even now I have some guilt whenever I am able to enjoy parts of my life, I feel it'll get worse when he's in prison and I'll feel bad for sharing good parts of my life, knowing things will be far from good for him. I know I shouldn't and he fully encourages me to get on as normal and feels better when I am able to get on with life closer to normal. Something to talk to a counsellor about when I feel able to start.
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He was told once the evidence had been shown to the solicitor that a custodial was likely (this was only about 6 weeks before sentencing). So in the 22 months leading up to that we had both believed that it would end up being suspended as most likely. I felt lucky we at least knew towards the end as being prepared helped both of us to cope.
You do find things to talk about. Sometimes you have to be patient as they don't do a lot. Something exciting for them might just be a nice meal they had. They watch a lot of TV, read, do puzzles like crosswords and su doku, work if they're lucky. Get about 1 hour or 90 mins out to shower, go outside, and speak to inmates in 'association' time. It is a relief for them when they speak to you as they spend so much of their day locked up. My partner always thought he'd prefer to be in a single cell, but after spending 2 weeks in isolation before Xmas, he realised that having a 'padmate' is better despite the lack of privacy. That's the other thing, there will be certain things he won't want to talk about as you have to remember that he is always only about a metre away from a stranger.
In the early days I used to ask him if he felt safe as that was my biggest worry. But now he's settled I'm less concerned (in general!) about that.
Hmm yeah, 9 months in and you are amazingly committed. But I know that love is a strong force! I don't think kids are off the table, but it would be a difficult road with SS, not to say it wouldn't be winnable, but would cause you more stress down the line. Depends how devoted you are to him.
Good luck xxx
You do find things to talk about. Sometimes you have to be patient as they don't do a lot. Something exciting for them might just be a nice meal they had. They watch a lot of TV, read, do puzzles like crosswords and su doku, work if they're lucky. Get about 1 hour or 90 mins out to shower, go outside, and speak to inmates in 'association' time. It is a relief for them when they speak to you as they spend so much of their day locked up. My partner always thought he'd prefer to be in a single cell, but after spending 2 weeks in isolation before Xmas, he realised that having a 'padmate' is better despite the lack of privacy. That's the other thing, there will be certain things he won't want to talk about as you have to remember that he is always only about a metre away from a stranger.
In the early days I used to ask him if he felt safe as that was my biggest worry. But now he's settled I'm less concerned (in general!) about that.
Hmm yeah, 9 months in and you are amazingly committed. But I know that love is a strong force! I don't think kids are off the table, but it would be a difficult road with SS, not to say it wouldn't be winnable, but would cause you more stress down the line. Depends how devoted you are to him.
Good luck xxx
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Thank you ladies for all the information and useful tips on this thread. My husband is being sentenced in less than two weeks now, and, though I am of course hoping he will be coming home, I also feel the need to be prepared.
I'm glad all this information is here, I remember trying to find information when my husband was being sentenced and it was so difficult knowing what to pack.
My thoughts are with you ladies currently facing having to help pack those bags and these are some of the toughest times. We are over half way through the sentence now and hopefully, one day this will all be a distant memory.
I will ask my husband to put together any useful information that might help, although as mentioned above prisons do differ. But I will post any info or tips that may help.
My thoughts are with you ladies currently facing having to help pack those bags and these are some of the toughest times. We are over half way through the sentence now and hopefully, one day this will all be a distant memory.
I will ask my husband to put together any useful information that might help, although as mentioned above prisons do differ. But I will post any info or tips that may help.
Emma it's been a huge help, if you think of anything else please do let me know.
Thank you to everyone that's contributed.
Thank you to everyone that's contributed.
Just picked up on this thread again.All that's allowed (prison where my son is) books, saduko puzzle books etc, photos, stationery (no gel pens), SAE's.
Clothes/trainers etc bought only through the prison cataloge. He has bought a radio, DVD player, fan which he'll take with him on release.
At one prison he was allowed posters and writing paper - not at this one. It really does vary from prison to prison.
Clothes/trainers etc bought only through the prison cataloge. He has bought a radio, DVD player, fan which he'll take with him on release.
At one prison he was allowed posters and writing paper - not at this one. It really does vary from prison to prison.
Hi all, sorry to be so nosey but could I just ask;
Judith, what sentence did your person receive and what for?
Emma 33, what did your person do and what was the sentence?
SAL, has your person been sentenced now and what was the outcome?
Sorry for asking questions but this journey is incredibly hard and I can't imagine my person coping in prison as he is strugging even now with just the thought of prison, he's so sensitive and caring and his brain is always whirring away and I couldn't ever imagine him being locked up in a prison (as probable we all can't) wasting the days away :( xx
Judith, what sentence did your person receive and what for?
Emma 33, what did your person do and what was the sentence?
SAL, has your person been sentenced now and what was the outcome?
Sorry for asking questions but this journey is incredibly hard and I can't imagine my person coping in prison as he is strugging even now with just the thought of prison, he's so sensitive and caring and his brain is always whirring away and I couldn't ever imagine him being locked up in a prison (as probable we all can't) wasting the days away :( xx
Lee 1969, thanks Lee :) although when I put a name in the search bar it brings everything up with that name in and sometimes there are a lot of posts. I need to set aside time and read and update myself. xx