What do I do/say ?
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I don't even know where to start, my world like many of yours has just been flipped upside down. It all happened this morning and if I'm honest I don't even know how I'm feeling right now.
I haven't had a chance to speak to my husband yet so I just don't know.
How did you guys cope initially? We have an 11 year old daughter, that I'm trying to hold it together for. I need to speak to work as I have no other childcare and tend to work on his days off. but don't even know where to begin there.
sorry for rambling I just don't know where/ who else to talk to
I haven't had a chance to speak to my husband yet so I just don't know.
How did you guys cope initially? We have an 11 year old daughter, that I'm trying to hold it together for. I need to speak to work as I have no other childcare and tend to work on his days off. but don't even know where to begin there.
sorry for rambling I just don't know where/ who else to talk to
Hi Livvy,
I do feel for you, this all kicked off for me ages ago and it leaves partners in such a mess, practically and emotionally. Just slow right down, and breathe. Practically, I would just tell your work you've had a family emergency and see what you can negotiate with them. It sounds like you may need to organise some alternative childcare - could this be done informally by parents of a friend of your child? Emotionally, if you are like me you will be on a long rollercoaster ride and you will probably have many difficult and painful conversations with your partner. You may have a good friend you can confide in and if you do, this may be helpful. Counselling may be helpful. Just take it slowly, the early days are raw and hard. I spent many nights not sleeping and many early mornings bawling my eyes out. I felt my life and future had been completely trashed. Now I have a bit more perspective, and things are easier, mentally.
I do feel for you, this all kicked off for me ages ago and it leaves partners in such a mess, practically and emotionally. Just slow right down, and breathe. Practically, I would just tell your work you've had a family emergency and see what you can negotiate with them. It sounds like you may need to organise some alternative childcare - could this be done informally by parents of a friend of your child? Emotionally, if you are like me you will be on a long rollercoaster ride and you will probably have many difficult and painful conversations with your partner. You may have a good friend you can confide in and if you do, this may be helpful. Counselling may be helpful. Just take it slowly, the early days are raw and hard. I spent many nights not sleeping and many early mornings bawling my eyes out. I felt my life and future had been completely trashed. Now I have a bit more perspective, and things are easier, mentally.
So sorry that you've had to join this forum. This process is life changing and very challenging especially to begin with. If you need time off work to process or until childcare is arranged then call your GP who will likely sign you off for acute stress.
As you have a child you will hear from social services. They will be checking that you are putting your child first in any decisions you make. This can be difficult to articulate when going through the trauma of the arrest.
I chose to tell one friend and my sister to start with. Their support has been exceptional since the knock over a year ago.
The first few weeks can be very difficult. I went into shock for around a month, which only realised in hindsight. Often fight or flight kicks in, try not to make any big decisions. On the other hand trust yourself to do what is needed.
It can feel impossible to get through. It is not impossible. You will do it even though you may rebel against the unfairness of having to. We are always here to listen xx
As you have a child you will hear from social services. They will be checking that you are putting your child first in any decisions you make. This can be difficult to articulate when going through the trauma of the arrest.
I chose to tell one friend and my sister to start with. Their support has been exceptional since the knock over a year ago.
The first few weeks can be very difficult. I went into shock for around a month, which only realised in hindsight. Often fight or flight kicks in, try not to make any big decisions. On the other hand trust yourself to do what is needed.
It can feel impossible to get through. It is not impossible. You will do it even though you may rebel against the unfairness of having to. We are always here to listen xx
Thank you guys. I've told my mum, he's staying with her at the moment. I've been with him 30 years and do believe what he's telling me. We are meeting up tomorrow and I'll tell him I'm going to be there all the time he's truthful and doing what he can to get the help. The second that stops so will my support. I've told work we've split up and have no childcare and am going to see my line manger Thursday to see if he can help with shifts. I will not be disclosing anything.
im finding this forum so helpful and am currently researching safety plans so I'm ready for ss when they get in touch.
With the bail we've been told no contact at all, which I'm finding hard my daughter just wants to know daddy is ok.
thanks for reading
im finding this forum so helpful and am currently researching safety plans so I'm ready for ss when they get in touch.
With the bail we've been told no contact at all, which I'm finding hard my daughter just wants to know daddy is ok.
thanks for reading