Sons girlfriend
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Sorry about this situation you and your wife have found yourself in!
My suggestion would be to just rip the band aid off and tell her that unfortunately he's in the middle of a police investigation so he cannot be your partner anymore....
The sooner you do it the better it'll be for her to process and get over...
My suggestion would be to just rip the band aid off and tell her that unfortunately he's in the middle of a police investigation so he cannot be your partner anymore....
The sooner you do it the better it'll be for her to process and get over...
Hi
Sorry to see you are joining the community lean on the people on here, you won't realise yet how valuable these strangers are.
The worst part of all the situations on here is there is no right way of doing things, what works for you and your family may not for the next.
Be aware of the impact this situation will have upon your son depending on how close his relationship is with his girlfriend.he may need support from someone that's not mom or dad. Talk to him discuss the long term impact on all involved. If nothing this for many open up further honest communication between people. Be careful who you trust and what you share with whom when. Its still very raw and shock denial anger hurt are all very high at the moment take Time to digest and process the circumstances...and all 3 of you individually contact the helpline it does help.
X
Sorry to see you are joining the community lean on the people on here, you won't realise yet how valuable these strangers are.
The worst part of all the situations on here is there is no right way of doing things, what works for you and your family may not for the next.
Be aware of the impact this situation will have upon your son depending on how close his relationship is with his girlfriend.he may need support from someone that's not mom or dad. Talk to him discuss the long term impact on all involved. If nothing this for many open up further honest communication between people. Be careful who you trust and what you share with whom when. Its still very raw and shock denial anger hurt are all very high at the moment take Time to digest and process the circumstances...and all 3 of you individually contact the helpline it does help.
X
Hi worried dad,
I am so sorry to hear you are in this position my heart goes out to you all.
I will not be advising you what to do with regards to telling you sons girlfriend. But, my son had just started dating his girlfriend of about 3 months when he told me he had accessed iioc (x2) and then self disclosed to the police. He didn't receive the knock.
He wanted to tell his girlfriend himself, he wanted to be open and honest with her. So he did, they courted for about a year after and recently split at Christmas. We haven't told anyone else. His girlfriend was understanding and supported him whilst they were together. They are in their early 20s so alittle older.
please call the LFF for help they ate a great source of support
wishing you all well on this journey.
maij
I am so sorry to hear you are in this position my heart goes out to you all.
I will not be advising you what to do with regards to telling you sons girlfriend. But, my son had just started dating his girlfriend of about 3 months when he told me he had accessed iioc (x2) and then self disclosed to the police. He didn't receive the knock.
He wanted to tell his girlfriend himself, he wanted to be open and honest with her. So he did, they courted for about a year after and recently split at Christmas. We haven't told anyone else. His girlfriend was understanding and supported him whilst they were together. They are in their early 20s so alittle older.
please call the LFF for help they ate a great source of support
wishing you all well on this journey.
maij
Hi,
I'm sorry but I wouldn't tell her. As a woman who was her age not that long ago and knowing how girls are I would be very concerned with her telling a friend and it spreading like wildfire. I haven't told anyone because I am far too familiar with how people tell someone something and promise not to say anything but it then ends up going further. Obviously to fully mature adults who have critical thinking skills we can differentiate between this and gossip but unfortunately not everybody is capable of that. I would really think hard about coming up with another excuse or just tell your son to end things with her. It may be harsh but I truly think that the circumstances warrant it. I'm not sure how your son will be dealt with or what will happen and the optimist in me would like to think he might get NFA as it may not be in the public interest due to his age and the small number but of course nobody can promise that but if that did happen it would be a shame for the knowledge of it to already be out there. Just my opinion. I wish the best for you all x
I'm sorry but I wouldn't tell her. As a woman who was her age not that long ago and knowing how girls are I would be very concerned with her telling a friend and it spreading like wildfire. I haven't told anyone because I am far too familiar with how people tell someone something and promise not to say anything but it then ends up going further. Obviously to fully mature adults who have critical thinking skills we can differentiate between this and gossip but unfortunately not everybody is capable of that. I would really think hard about coming up with another excuse or just tell your son to end things with her. It may be harsh but I truly think that the circumstances warrant it. I'm not sure how your son will be dealt with or what will happen and the optimist in me would like to think he might get NFA as it may not be in the public interest due to his age and the small number but of course nobody can promise that but if that did happen it would be a shame for the knowledge of it to already be out there. Just my opinion. I wish the best for you all x
BaffledB
I completely agree with you, wise words. Its is a risk and being of a younger age , I sure that information like this couldn't be kept in confidence. I would support this. The less people know the better in thecearly stages.
maij
I completely agree with you, wise words. Its is a risk and being of a younger age , I sure that information like this couldn't be kept in confidence. I would support this. The less people know the better in thecearly stages.
maij
I agree - whilst it's lovely to be truthful and honest, the human race as a whole isn't too good at it! Presumably, given your son's age, this is not a longterm relationship and it's unlikely to result in marriage and/or children (blanket assumption so I apologise if I'm wrong) therefore I don't see much benefit in telling her. It will hurt her, and the likelihood of the news spreading is quite high. My son was at uni when he got the knock and, although his friends were supportive, thanks to one gossipy girl who rather liked the dramatic aspect of it all, news reached at least one of his friends at home almost before he himself got home.
One slight issue with this is that if the forensic search uncovers naked/sexual photos of your son's girlfriend, and she was under 16 at the time, the police may need to contact her to ascertain whether or not they were taken with her consent. Sorry to scare you, but we had this issue and my son had to warn his ex-girlfriend - luckily she was supportive but also very very upset. I would suggest that you cross that bridge if and when you get to it, but perhaps for now go with a 'poor mental health' line to bring an end to the relationship.
In these early days, I would suggest that you don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know; your emotions will be very raw and I'm sure you're in absolute turmoil. I would let things settle, get the help and support that you all need, arm yourselves with information and take everything step by step.
Finally, I hope you and your wife are as OK as you can be; all of us on here understand what you're going through - it's a devastating time. Sending you lots of support and positive vibes.
One slight issue with this is that if the forensic search uncovers naked/sexual photos of your son's girlfriend, and she was under 16 at the time, the police may need to contact her to ascertain whether or not they were taken with her consent. Sorry to scare you, but we had this issue and my son had to warn his ex-girlfriend - luckily she was supportive but also very very upset. I would suggest that you cross that bridge if and when you get to it, but perhaps for now go with a 'poor mental health' line to bring an end to the relationship.
In these early days, I would suggest that you don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know; your emotions will be very raw and I'm sure you're in absolute turmoil. I would let things settle, get the help and support that you all need, arm yourselves with information and take everything step by step.
Finally, I hope you and your wife are as OK as you can be; all of us on here understand what you're going through - it's a devastating time. Sending you lots of support and positive vibes.