Family and Friends Forum

Hi Sad Dad,

The Knock is awful and you are just starting out on a long journey I suspect based on what we all have gone through who use this forum regularly.

First things first, at least your son has admitted it, that’s quite a big thing for most chaps that seem to get themselves into these issues and behaviour.

Has your son been arrested and bailed or is he simply under investigation? Depending on that will depend on if he can travel or not but if it is booked and paid for I would be going because I know 2 weeks post knock with my other half I needed a break and to get away and think.

Telling his friend at this stage could be something too soon, you and your son probably need to know more about that he has done and root causes of why etc before you tell people so that you both fully understand it yourself rather than telling people whilst still in shock.

Lawyers at this stage are only needed for police interviews and generally the duty solicitor will be called if you dont provide one- it is your sons right to have legal representation at all interviews and he definitely should be taking it.

You are at the start of a bit of a bumpy ride and it will have its ups and downs but 4 months in I’m a lot more stable and dealing with things better so you will get there.

The help line are great for both you and son they have done wonders for me and husband and husband has been seeing a private counsellor which has been life changing for him due to mental health issues he has and childhood trauma.

Keep posting and throwing questions out into the forum, the ladies on here have been amazing sources of information but also a strange kind of comfort that I know. I’m not the only one dealing with this shit we never asked for.

Ttkit

I would ask the police if he is allowed to travel, it depends on the circumstances as to whether they say yes. If you plan to cancel the holiday then soneone will need to day something to his friend, I guess it depends on the age of your son and how good a friend they are when thinking about telling them. It's a tough decision to make regarding trusting someone with the truth. If you don't want to tell them you could just say a family issue means you need to cancel. If your son is not coping there is help out there, via the go or other services. It's a good thing he has admitted whats happened, when hes ready he can start looking for help. The helpline is worth you both calling for support and advice. There are online modules he can start on the stop it now website if he wants to, if its a problem thats developed from porn addiction then sex addicts anonymous is also worth attending (They do online meetings as well), depending on where you live there will be other places to go for therapy/support for him (the police should have given him leaflets about anything local). It is going to be a long and stressful process but with the support you can get through this.

Ok so have the police given you an investigating officer number to contact as I think you need to speak to them as to who is being investigated and if neither of you have been arrested and released with bail terms that would suggest that they are looking at the devices as under investigation.

Did they give you any form of time scale for when they would want to speak?

ttkit

Yes I agree its really important you find out who is under investigation, what is happening and what is going to happen next. If there is anything you do not understand then you must call them and ask. You might want to speak to a solicitor for advice as your son has admitted to doing It, they can advise you on what to do with that information/how to go about informing the police. This is a serious situation, it's very important you understand what is going on.

Ok so I would ask the police who is being investigated but before either you or your son tell them he’s admitted it to you, you must speak to a solicitor as this as Maria said is a serious situation and you do not want to stumble into something that your not legally prepared to deal with.

Its a long drawn out process so keep your chin up and when you and him are both ready to talk about it make sure you both do so

Hi sad dad, so sorry that you are in this situation. I am over six years since the knock happened for me. My son admitted it straight away too, which is such a huge thing to do for them. The police advised me to phone stop it now, who helped my family enormously, they were able to recommend a lawyer. Not sure how much has changed over the years though. I so understand your hurt, anger, confusion etc, it’s so difficult as I’m sure your torn between these feelings for your son and love you have for him. Hope I can help in any small way at this time

Hi sad dad, meant to say hang on to that strong love you have for your son, stay strong but also I hope you are getting enough support for yourself