Family and Friends Forum

Hey



Sorry I'm afraid I don't have any information or experience, as it's still very early days for me and my family. However it does appear from reading the posts on here, that SS generally have very much a 1 shoe fits all in terms of their approach. I do think that it does make a difference to some extent the individual SW you are allocated. However their role is to assess the risk. Once a crime in this department has been committed or even investigated, regardless of the circumstances it is ALWAYS then seen that there is always a risk.

Unfortunately everything we say and do will be explored and scrutinised from this point. It appears the only text book answer they are looking for is that we will turn our back on our partners as a result . As a partner it would be supportive to feel SS can emphasise that our whole world has crashed down around us...we are trying to manage the impact of that aswel as maintain some form of new normal structure and routine for our families to minimise the further destruction that is surrounding us for the foreseeable. In other words we are doing everything we can to get through this as we see fit day by day, relevant to our own circumstances. Because the same with becoming a parent...there's no step by step manual of what to do for the best in this situation. Often for a lot of us on here we never would have found ourselves under the eye's of services. I would like to say working with rather than against, and being open and honest will support you to provide the evidence they need to tick their box. However unfortunately I think the reality is our choices and decisions moving forward, will always mean we are on their radar. They want to evidence that as a mother you are putting our children's safely first (obviously), and our judgement is therefore not clouded by love for our partners and the life we once had...which I am picking up from most posts on here that unless we cut our partners off completely they still feel there's a huge risk.



I wish they would also consider the detrimental impact their views further have on families already in awful situations. For alot on here our children still view daddy as their hero oblivious to the damage caused but their choices. For us the partners love doesn't just dissappear neither does hope nor the want to support those who mean the most to us.

Hi,

I don't no ur story sorry, why are they saying he can't come home? Are u before or after sentencing? When we were before sentencing the sw said my hubby would never be allowed home ever and now after sentencing and being on ccp and then cin we have managed to get him home for night visits but I told them that in the future we would be looking at living together. Our youngest is 8 so we are looking at maybe then ext 5 years, but I have done the llf inform course and I have done the safeguarding and prevent course I have also done a safety plan and brought a camera to show we are taking it seriously that he may pose as a risk.



Hope this helps

Hi

U can do the modules off the llf forum I don't understand y they are being so bloody harsh, wat does his po and offender manager say? I told them I would go to court but then I'm so angry with them, they can be such arseholes ( sorry not helpful I no ) wat things have u done to show that u have a more understanding of wat he has done.



So I did the llf inform course and did some work with a support worker and as I said I am in the middle of the safeguarding and prevent course and my hubby has just done work with his po and we started the modules of the site but my laptop broke so we haven't done much.



I told sw I am not waiting 10 years for them to let my hubby come home andthat I would go to court, so we got the next best thing.



If u want home tell them that is wat u want to work towards and depending on wat he has done, as I say I'm not sure, tell them u want to work towards it as u no it is possible to have that happen. I kept telling them that I no through this forum it is possible to get my hubby home. Obviously never mentioned names but I have said that people on this forum are now living back together xx

Hi girlfriend & mom

I suggest you tell them you want to aim for him coming home and yous are both willing to do what ever is necessary to aim for that I suggest your partner looks in to counselling to see what as led him down the rabbit hole and always be open and honest to everyone involved tell ss to listen to what you child/children want try and create a safety plan that everyone is happy with and get as much input in from Ss as you can it's definitely possible for you partner to come home as I have worked with SS for 2 years and my partner is home a couple of nights a week my choice he could be here 7 days a week but I don't won't that and we have not been to could yet so it is possible.

hope everything turns out well for you.

Hi,

We are working towards oh coming home overnight, we currently are 4 months into investigation into iioc (3 catA) and at the min it's supervised contact in the home by myself just no over night.

Our SW had said that they are having to change the way they deal with these cases as the number is on the rise and accounts for 20% of her cases and its becoming apparent that removing the father is actually more damaging than them staying at home under a safety plan.

Saying that we have had delay after delay in getting this signed off, which has come as no surprise as I don't think her manager actually wants him home.

We've both done safe guarding course, lots of reading, seperate counselling and I think the big one (but also the hardest) was telling our boys (12 & 15) what was going on and what social concerns are - we felt we needed to do this though to protect them in their lives from falling down the rabbit hole and the risks of porn as I have seen so many mom's commenting on this forum.

I've also told my sw I know it's possible as I've read about it on here xx

So sorry you're going through this.

We had the knock just three weeks ago and it's very difficult to think about what the coming years might look like. Can I ask why your husband has not been allowed home at all?

My husband distributed (unknowingly) 4 cat a/b iioc videos but is currently still allowed home with me and our 4 month old. I'm terrified that we will be told he can not live with us. Is this likely?