Starting to get angry
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Hi all, I hope everyone is as well as can be.
Please brace yourselves because this will be negative. I try to be positive the few times I have replied to posts but now I'm getting angry. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry, I just have no other place to let this out. It's all very selfish which I never allow myself to be. I'm by no means an angel but I try to very hard to be a good person in every part of my life and this is where it has gotten me.
I am so bloody frustrated! I am sick to death of the waiting and not knowing! I'm sick of trying to look online to see what sentence may be given, they are all given different for the same crime! I am sick of the police dragging their feet, it doesn't take 2 1/2 months to check 1 phone that has a few pics and messages on it! Lets face it, maximum ot would take os a couple of hours! It isn't acceptable that I have no idea how much longer the wait will be! I understand torturing "him and them" and making them wait with it hanging over their heads, but not ME, not ANYONE OF US. The innocent who have done nothing except love someone that it turned out we didn't know like we thought we did! I am so angry that we are considered collateral damage! I have a daughter who is losing the plot to be blunt, with all the not knowing and waiting. All she ever did was love and trust her Dad. None of us deserve this! It shouldn't be this long or this vague! I'm so fed up that I cry, scream and yank my hair, jump up and down and hit stuff when my children are out. This frustration and being left in limbo land isn't fair. I actually thought i could forgive or understand and help my husband of 21 years. Going through this torture of will he go to prison? Will people find out? Will he kill himself? Is he lying? Will we have to move? How will my children cope? What is being done to children out there? Are these children being abused? Does anyone know? What should I do? knowing its going to go on like this for months, maybe even over a year...? This I don't think I can forgive. Its not fair on any of US and I'm so fed up with it it's unreal!!!
Please brace yourselves because this will be negative. I try to be positive the few times I have replied to posts but now I'm getting angry. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry, I just have no other place to let this out. It's all very selfish which I never allow myself to be. I'm by no means an angel but I try to very hard to be a good person in every part of my life and this is where it has gotten me.
I am so bloody frustrated! I am sick to death of the waiting and not knowing! I'm sick of trying to look online to see what sentence may be given, they are all given different for the same crime! I am sick of the police dragging their feet, it doesn't take 2 1/2 months to check 1 phone that has a few pics and messages on it! Lets face it, maximum ot would take os a couple of hours! It isn't acceptable that I have no idea how much longer the wait will be! I understand torturing "him and them" and making them wait with it hanging over their heads, but not ME, not ANYONE OF US. The innocent who have done nothing except love someone that it turned out we didn't know like we thought we did! I am so angry that we are considered collateral damage! I have a daughter who is losing the plot to be blunt, with all the not knowing and waiting. All she ever did was love and trust her Dad. None of us deserve this! It shouldn't be this long or this vague! I'm so fed up that I cry, scream and yank my hair, jump up and down and hit stuff when my children are out. This frustration and being left in limbo land isn't fair. I actually thought i could forgive or understand and help my husband of 21 years. Going through this torture of will he go to prison? Will people find out? Will he kill himself? Is he lying? Will we have to move? How will my children cope? What is being done to children out there? Are these children being abused? Does anyone know? What should I do? knowing its going to go on like this for months, maybe even over a year...? This I don't think I can forgive. Its not fair on any of US and I'm so fed up with it it's unreal!!!
I totally agree with you. It's nothing short of disgusting the whole process. We are all in different situations and my personal situation is that my partner is innocent yet I have been treated like a piece of shit by the Police, they tried to turn me against him and we've had a whole year of our precious lives and time together tainted. I also suffer from PTSD from this. It's one thing after another and the latest is that they're saying he has to pay for his own legal fees. We expect another year of this along with the anxiety that a jury may see the pitiful evidence and decide he is guilty. I'm ao angry at the process and how long it takes and the what the Police have done to me makes me want to physically harm someone and the worst part you can't even tell your friends and family. They need to pull their f'in fingers out and deal with this crap quicker because how can they lead with the narrative that offenders are so dangerous when they leave people to go about their lives as normal for 1/2 years?!
Sorry guys I thought I'd just have a vent too. I also wanted to add that although my partner is innocent I absolutely in no way think those who are guilty deserve this treatment either, the treatment of everyone involved in this journey is horrific xx
Sorry guys I thought I'd just have a vent too. I also wanted to add that although my partner is innocent I absolutely in no way think those who are guilty deserve this treatment either, the treatment of everyone involved in this journey is horrific xx
Hi Annamarie
the length of time you have to wait is unjustified . With regards to anger, i have screamed, shouted and the top of my voice until my face is going to explode and bashed, punch the steering wheel in my car several times.
you have to do what you do to get the feeling out of your system!
we should have a virtual holding hands screamathon.
I hope you hear soon .
big hug Annamarie
maij x
the length of time you have to wait is unjustified . With regards to anger, i have screamed, shouted and the top of my voice until my face is going to explode and bashed, punch the steering wheel in my car several times.
you have to do what you do to get the feeling out of your system!
we should have a virtual holding hands screamathon.
I hope you hear soon .
big hug Annamarie
maij x
Thank you for your responses. I'm glad to know I'm not the only 1 that feels like they could just explode. It's also very reassuring to hear that it's healthy. BaffledB I will look into that link, thank you.
Hoping you all have a positive day x
Hoping you all have a positive day x
I totally agree with this post and I am feeling more trapped than ever! Does not matter how many incidents get reported nothing gets done!
I have never felt so powerless in my lif3, my life is in somebody else hands and I try so hard to hold it together but this length of time and no closure has got to the point where I feel like I want to scream and nobody hears me!
sorry to jump on I just wanted to say totally with you! My kids dad has been away from everything and me and my babies have to put up with the abuse and I get all the time how can you say you didn't know!? That is the one phrase and question that has got me and makes me want to balldose all those that are so blinded to think that of any of us x
I have never felt so powerless in my lif3, my life is in somebody else hands and I try so hard to hold it together but this length of time and no closure has got to the point where I feel like I want to scream and nobody hears me!
sorry to jump on I just wanted to say totally with you! My kids dad has been away from everything and me and my babies have to put up with the abuse and I get all the time how can you say you didn't know!? That is the one phrase and question that has got me and makes me want to balldose all those that are so blinded to think that of any of us x
I've never experienced anger like I have since being dropped into this situation! As BaffledB said, how can our loved ones be considered so dangerous and yet allowed to live their lives freely for months, if not years, until one day suddenly the hammer falls on them. And yep, we're the collateral damage. Infuriating.
Hugs and virtual screams to all xx
Hugs and virtual screams to all xx
A screamathon sounds a great idea.
It depends what you are waiting for, he would have been given the charges some time ago and this numbers the amount of images in each section.
Are you saying you don't even know what he has been charged with? He would have been told this by his solicitor, it can take at least a year before it gets to court. My brother didn't even get community service for cat A B and C!!!! So it depends on the solicitor I think he paid for a specialist one :/ I don't want to have much to do with him in the future it will change how you look at people but don't let it ruin your life YOU have done nothing wrong x
Actually I thought there are restrictions in place whilst they wait for court, like should not be left unsupervised with kids I am sure is one - their solicitor would go through this.
Is your husband doing these Lucy Faithful courses etc? If not then this will go against him, he needs to show he is "rehabilitating" and you sound like you don't know what you are doing yourself in terms of support for him or not - he may ask for supporting statements for his court case. These images are child abuse and sharing them is contributing to that but is he actually showing remorse or acceptance of what he has done? Is he saying it is down to porn addiction?
Are you saying you don't even know what he has been charged with? He would have been told this by his solicitor, it can take at least a year before it gets to court. My brother didn't even get community service for cat A B and C!!!! So it depends on the solicitor I think he paid for a specialist one :/ I don't want to have much to do with him in the future it will change how you look at people but don't let it ruin your life YOU have done nothing wrong x
Actually I thought there are restrictions in place whilst they wait for court, like should not be left unsupervised with kids I am sure is one - their solicitor would go through this.
Is your husband doing these Lucy Faithful courses etc? If not then this will go against him, he needs to show he is "rehabilitating" and you sound like you don't know what you are doing yourself in terms of support for him or not - he may ask for supporting statements for his court case. These images are child abuse and sharing them is contributing to that but is he actually showing remorse or acceptance of what he has done? Is he saying it is down to porn addiction?
Cut and dry it's not j don't know what I am doing j know my solicitor is k ok. It how can you support somebody that shares imabgea of you indecent one's and think sorry fixes it! His case is with cps don't know charges just want them done for closure. locally we have had so much rubbish thrown at us over his actions it's unbelievable! I feel trapped because in am 6 hours away from my family and the back fourth trying to get the kids dad to agree to sell the house is tiring! I haven't had time to grieve i focus on my kids and am never without them! It's just been a hard slog and doing it alone with abuse and two out of 3 kids special needs is tiring wouldn't change them for the world just wish I could take their pain away and solve it all
We waited almost 9 months for charges relating to a communication offence and prior to that the Police alluded to my partner viewing CP and all sorts so I absolutely disagree that we know what they're meant to have done before those charges land on our doormats. Also following that within the evidence which was released by the CPS after charges there are accounts which categorically do not belong to my partner and following the first appearance at Crown Court the prosecution admitted they can't even provide evidence my partner is guilty so now they have a set amount of time to provide it before the next stage can begin. The initial wait to get to charges can be extremely long, I think almost 9 months is fair considering other people's journeys and before that happens and even after it is still an absolute nightmare because unless your partner/son/whatever admits entirely what they have been accused of you live in limbo and it's horrendous. Yes, there are social services restrictions in regards to children in close proximity but other than that there is nothing to stop anybody from anything unless they have bail conditions, but many are released pending further investigation. Until you get the charges and see the evidence it's a gamble on the person you love as to whether they are telling the truth but that being said the criminal system is far from perfect and I've seen first hand the catestrophic mistakes so I don't think it's fair to assume guilt.
I haven't posted on here for many months, I just haven't been able to. My then 22 yr old son was arrested , laptop phone seized ,in June 21. He was released under investigation with no charges and no conditions attached. We have heard nothing.
I'm sick to death of saying "whilst I'm not minimising offences of this nature" BUT how, how can this length of time be justified if these men are such a danger, how can this be justified...I have been on 24/7 suicide watch with him since that day, whilst trying to hold down a job in MH services ,all as a single parent.
WHATEVER the outcome, my son is a kind , gentle human, who only thinks of others and he now lives pretty much every day in a tiny bunk bed, and has LITERALLY only spoken to me, jenny from safer lives and his younger brother since that day. He does nothing all day as is unable to, he never leaves my flat. Never goes online at all, has cut himself off from everyone, including good supportive friends (mainly female) who are aware and continue to love him. And so , if the purpose of our legal system is punishment, prevention of reoffending , well, this is a strange and grossly unfair way of going about it.
Rant over and love to you all xx
I'm sick to death of saying "whilst I'm not minimising offences of this nature" BUT how, how can this length of time be justified if these men are such a danger, how can this be justified...I have been on 24/7 suicide watch with him since that day, whilst trying to hold down a job in MH services ,all as a single parent.
WHATEVER the outcome, my son is a kind , gentle human, who only thinks of others and he now lives pretty much every day in a tiny bunk bed, and has LITERALLY only spoken to me, jenny from safer lives and his younger brother since that day. He does nothing all day as is unable to, he never leaves my flat. Never goes online at all, has cut himself off from everyone, including good supportive friends (mainly female) who are aware and continue to love him. And so , if the purpose of our legal system is punishment, prevention of reoffending , well, this is a strange and grossly unfair way of going about it.
Rant over and love to you all xx
WeeWitch I wish you and your son the absolute best outcome possible. I couldn't agree more with what you said, it's an absolute disgrace how people are left to suffer whilst they await their fate. The way these cases are dealt with both during and after is a joke and most certainly not helping to deal with the issue at hand. You're so strong! Sending love right back to you xx
Weewitch that does make your son sound very remorseful
My brother he doesn't sound remorseful when he talks, never even said sorry I had to get those words out of him. He did find a new job and from the outside you would never know he commited the crime he did! It didn't get in the media so he does have it so easy compared to some but I am still angry at him and getting counselling. I see him as a sociopath lol I don't know it just doesn't feel right, he admitted straight away to the crime.
Your son does sound remorseful and he should speak to Lucy Faithful about support, If you son is not getting on with his he does need more support. You say no charges so could it be there is not enough evidence to charge? He had hardrives which he stored stuff on, I really actually feel that is far far worse and if no charges it's not fair he is left in limbo and suicide watch
My brother he doesn't sound remorseful when he talks, never even said sorry I had to get those words out of him. He did find a new job and from the outside you would never know he commited the crime he did! It didn't get in the media so he does have it so easy compared to some but I am still angry at him and getting counselling. I see him as a sociopath lol I don't know it just doesn't feel right, he admitted straight away to the crime.
Your son does sound remorseful and he should speak to Lucy Faithful about support, If you son is not getting on with his he does need more support. You say no charges so could it be there is not enough evidence to charge? He had hardrives which he stored stuff on, I really actually feel that is far far worse and if no charges it's not fair he is left in limbo and suicide watch
Dino,
Nothing about WeeWitch's post suggested anything about her son being remorseful, more like he's on the absolute edge which is more concerning than showing remorse whether he has committed a crime or not and unless you have seen another post in which the user has mentioned images then it may not be relating to images. There are many different types of offences which lead people to this site with many different circumstances. Not everybody has downloaded images, needs counselling or is even guilty. Everybody has a different story and has different emotions regarding the person who is the alleged offender in cases which have not reached a verdict.
Nothing about WeeWitch's post suggested anything about her son being remorseful, more like he's on the absolute edge which is more concerning than showing remorse whether he has committed a crime or not and unless you have seen another post in which the user has mentioned images then it may not be relating to images. There are many different types of offences which lead people to this site with many different circumstances. Not everybody has downloaded images, needs counselling or is even guilty. Everybody has a different story and has different emotions regarding the person who is the alleged offender in cases which have not reached a verdict.
Dino,
every timeline is different, we waited 18 months from arrest to get the charges- released under investigation with no restrictions in place and no idea what was happening.
Also having things on a hard drive is not necessarily 'way way worse' unless you have spoken to a solicitor about charges or read sentencing guidelines these comments on peoples journeys aren't helpful and could be upsetting and stressful to read. Also safer lives gives help and support just like Lucy faithful does.
every timeline is different, we waited 18 months from arrest to get the charges- released under investigation with no restrictions in place and no idea what was happening.
Also having things on a hard drive is not necessarily 'way way worse' unless you have spoken to a solicitor about charges or read sentencing guidelines these comments on peoples journeys aren't helpful and could be upsetting and stressful to read. Also safer lives gives help and support just like Lucy faithful does.
WeeWitch, I'm so sorry to hear what you and your son are going through; I'm also here because of my son (also 22) and I imagine your heart is breaking. You know that we're all here to listen, please keep posting and checking in with us. Sending you huge hugs - you can get through this xx
Oh sorry I didn't know it worked like that, on a hard drive was pretty bad as it was moving images not still and all categories.....whereas the person I replied said no charges were brought to her son.
I think storing stuff seperatly does make things worse it shows intent and knowing exactly what they were doing.
I will refrain from making comments like that again then!!! But yes we don't know what remorse is, my brother is getting on like nothing has happened I have not seen remorse from him - so yes I assumed if he was not getting out the house he felt great shame and embarrassment, I should not assume things then. I was just trying to help them as he needs help if suicidal and we don't know what has happened, anyone who is suicidal should get some help.
Now you mention that stuff maybe I am still angry as my Mum told me once maybe he doesn't explain or want to talk about it as he is "so embarrassed, would be great shame etc" when really that is her making stupid excuses for him. Meh I am going to leave this forum if I am not helpful then sorry for making some of you feel bad :(((
I think storing stuff seperatly does make things worse it shows intent and knowing exactly what they were doing.
I will refrain from making comments like that again then!!! But yes we don't know what remorse is, my brother is getting on like nothing has happened I have not seen remorse from him - so yes I assumed if he was not getting out the house he felt great shame and embarrassment, I should not assume things then. I was just trying to help them as he needs help if suicidal and we don't know what has happened, anyone who is suicidal should get some help.
Now you mention that stuff maybe I am still angry as my Mum told me once maybe he doesn't explain or want to talk about it as he is "so embarrassed, would be great shame etc" when really that is her making stupid excuses for him. Meh I am going to leave this forum if I am not helpful then sorry for making some of you feel bad :(((
Evening Weewitch
I can honestly feel your pain we are 23 months in my son was released under investigation and every day I was on suicide watch my nerves were in shreds
He has since been held on remand (the last 5 + months) he started self harming but for the last few weeks stopped.
Sentancing is later this month I am walking this journey with him yes I know he got himself on this spiralling road of no return, he is like your son a good person who ended up so deep
As his mum I am there and will never walk away
Sending hugs to you xx
I can honestly feel your pain we are 23 months in my son was released under investigation and every day I was on suicide watch my nerves were in shreds
He has since been held on remand (the last 5 + months) he started self harming but for the last few weeks stopped.
Sentancing is later this month I am walking this journey with him yes I know he got himself on this spiralling road of no return, he is like your son a good person who ended up so deep
As his mum I am there and will never walk away
Sending hugs to you xx
Dino,
There's no need to leave as I am sure you may also need support, it's just best to comment on things which you are knowledgable about. When you are arrested initially it generally takes months to get charges through and in some cases some of the charges get dropped so it doesn't always mean that when a person is charged they are necessarily guilty. It sounds like you are in a very difficult position with your brother not showing remorse but the majority of cases on here involve partners/sons etc who are remorseful or who weren't aware of the law because some of these cases are quite complex. Either way we are always supportive to the person who comes to the forum for advice and try to be as positive, uplifting and practical as possible - well that's my outlook anyways x
There's no need to leave as I am sure you may also need support, it's just best to comment on things which you are knowledgable about. When you are arrested initially it generally takes months to get charges through and in some cases some of the charges get dropped so it doesn't always mean that when a person is charged they are necessarily guilty. It sounds like you are in a very difficult position with your brother not showing remorse but the majority of cases on here involve partners/sons etc who are remorseful or who weren't aware of the law because some of these cases are quite complex. Either way we are always supportive to the person who comes to the forum for advice and try to be as positive, uplifting and practical as possible - well that's my outlook anyways x
Oh sorry yeah just came back to say maybe I over reacted, I only said that as it was actually something admitted to and he had named the devices and fully aware of what was on them = SO different to something being stored on a hard drive without full knowledge (Like something downloaded alongside something else)
So when I make comments like that I do actually mean it as how I say it (Others are just assuming other things about the hard drive comment!!!), rather than something being stored without full knowledge kind of thing. I know now to make sure I think before typing as others may not realise what I mean, it can be very hard to explain these things x
I will take a break from the forum though as actually I wasn't angry, but I guess reading posts brings the anger up again, my counselling is going really well actually and I am not wasting time worrying about the matter anymore as I have enough for my life to plan.
I did actually search and found an old post by Weewitch that her son shows remorse to her and it was June ish 2021 so if still no charges that is more than just a few months! I had responded to her post just from the feeling I got from reading it - and I was right looking at that previous post. To who posted "Nothing about WeeWitch's post suggested anything about her son being remorseful" It was not helpful and I do argue back if triggered lol so I am sorry If I am being difficult but you can see how I got annoyed at comments like that. I thought I was being helpful so to be told explicity I am not helpful I don't see this board as welcoming. So yes I do stand by my advise if it is nearly a year and no charges brought - clearly something is wrong here.
So when I make comments like that I do actually mean it as how I say it (Others are just assuming other things about the hard drive comment!!!), rather than something being stored without full knowledge kind of thing. I know now to make sure I think before typing as others may not realise what I mean, it can be very hard to explain these things x
I will take a break from the forum though as actually I wasn't angry, but I guess reading posts brings the anger up again, my counselling is going really well actually and I am not wasting time worrying about the matter anymore as I have enough for my life to plan.
I did actually search and found an old post by Weewitch that her son shows remorse to her and it was June ish 2021 so if still no charges that is more than just a few months! I had responded to her post just from the feeling I got from reading it - and I was right looking at that previous post. To who posted "Nothing about WeeWitch's post suggested anything about her son being remorseful" It was not helpful and I do argue back if triggered lol so I am sorry If I am being difficult but you can see how I got annoyed at comments like that. I thought I was being helpful so to be told explicity I am not helpful I don't see this board as welcoming. So yes I do stand by my advise if it is nearly a year and no charges brought - clearly something is wrong here.