He isn't a Monster or a Pedophile. He took the wrong turning.
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Hiya ladies.
Many people in the outside world etc see this crimes as people being a Monster or a Pedophile.
My hubby had a bad time what with his porn addiction.
No way is he a pedophile or a monster he is a caring loving people and if anybody calls him that when out and about will have me to answer too.
He has done and still doing therapy 8 courses in , phone with only text and calling. No more social media. Just us.
We will become stronger xx
Many people in the outside world etc see this crimes as people being a Monster or a Pedophile.
My hubby had a bad time what with his porn addiction.
No way is he a pedophile or a monster he is a caring loving people and if anybody calls him that when out and about will have me to answer too.
He has done and still doing therapy 8 courses in , phone with only text and calling. No more social media. Just us.
We will become stronger xx
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Totally agree.
I've never believed lables and someone being all good or all bad.
Now more so than ever.
The bad parts in all of us need love and support to overcome and it makes me so sad that my partner will carry this label with him for life (and I might become a partner of a P or monster) . The label can push people into a isolated life where re offending may be more likely.
I do believe what my partner did was wrong, he believes this too. Although it was a isolated incident, the help he's now getting seems to have brought some relief and light that he can move away from the behaviour that led to the charge.
I've never believed lables and someone being all good or all bad.
Now more so than ever.
The bad parts in all of us need love and support to overcome and it makes me so sad that my partner will carry this label with him for life (and I might become a partner of a P or monster) . The label can push people into a isolated life where re offending may be more likely.
I do believe what my partner did was wrong, he believes this too. Although it was a isolated incident, the help he's now getting seems to have brought some relief and light that he can move away from the behaviour that led to the charge.
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Hi everyone,
I had this conversation with a friend who is no longer a close friend, she has her reason and I respect them as she respects me for standing by my hubby, she knows he isn't a p but because he was charged they can no longer be our friends as such ( will no longer meet up ) but I had explained that I have done courses and I wasn't just defending him.
I wish I was as strong as most of u for being able to confront people in public I shy away
I had this conversation with a friend who is no longer a close friend, she has her reason and I respect them as she respects me for standing by my hubby, she knows he isn't a p but because he was charged they can no longer be our friends as such ( will no longer meet up ) but I had explained that I have done courses and I wasn't just defending him.
I wish I was as strong as most of u for being able to confront people in public I shy away
Hiya Dawn.
Big ((hugs)).
You had any issues from the public then hun.
Myself we are awaiting charges and a house sale to go through.
Xx
Big ((hugs)).
You had any issues from the public then hun.
Myself we are awaiting charges and a house sale to go through.
Xx
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Hi Chelsea,
Not since he was at crown and it was straight online, we had a tough weekend and the week that followed other than that we have been very lucky, but I still worry so I won't put us in the firing line, I don't think my nerves could take it, but it has been hard losing this 1 friend as we did all sorts together, but I understand where her husband is coming from. It is true wat they say the people u expect to stick with u leave and those that u think wouldn't do stay. I no that 1 of the mum friends who I couldn't tell until it hit the online as I was scared of her leaving me was my guardian angel and she said it doesn't matter wat he did if he is willing to change then that is good. I mean I do lead 2 lives my youngest daughter we only do things with her school friends without her dad because it's easier that way if that makes sense. I think I am struggling to trust people because of the bad way I have been portrayed by ss. I just want a quiet life so avoid any confrontations as best I can
Not since he was at crown and it was straight online, we had a tough weekend and the week that followed other than that we have been very lucky, but I still worry so I won't put us in the firing line, I don't think my nerves could take it, but it has been hard losing this 1 friend as we did all sorts together, but I understand where her husband is coming from. It is true wat they say the people u expect to stick with u leave and those that u think wouldn't do stay. I no that 1 of the mum friends who I couldn't tell until it hit the online as I was scared of her leaving me was my guardian angel and she said it doesn't matter wat he did if he is willing to change then that is good. I mean I do lead 2 lives my youngest daughter we only do things with her school friends without her dad because it's easier that way if that makes sense. I think I am struggling to trust people because of the bad way I have been portrayed by ss. I just want a quiet life so avoid any confrontations as best I can
Dawn,
We are still waiting for it to go to court so I have no idea about what will happen with conviction, sentencing or publicity, a d I only hope it will not be too bad and however bad it is I can be brave and deal with any backlash from family and friends as well as you have. I have told two friends and two work contacts. One friend and the two work contacts have been really supportive and understanding, the other friend has been supportive but although she hasn't said directly she clearly thinks I should dump him. It's so hard.
We are still waiting for it to go to court so I have no idea about what will happen with conviction, sentencing or publicity, a d I only hope it will not be too bad and however bad it is I can be brave and deal with any backlash from family and friends as well as you have. I have told two friends and two work contacts. One friend and the two work contacts have been really supportive and understanding, the other friend has been supportive but although she hasn't said directly she clearly thinks I should dump him. It's so hard.
Hi Bitterbean,
I think the only reason we had a tough time was because a group had literally just been set up showing stings ( live streaming and then sharing the news from the courts ) so we had it tough for the Friday he was in court that weekend and then by the following weekend it had stopped, unfortunately for me our eldest was suicidal and her friends were screen shooting the comments and sending them too her so she self harmed too ( was suicidal b4 this with her dad ) it is true it never lasts long thank god, but neither of them suffered from the media attention, in the long term if that makes sense xx
Always here if u want to chat
I think the only reason we had a tough time was because a group had literally just been set up showing stings ( live streaming and then sharing the news from the courts ) so we had it tough for the Friday he was in court that weekend and then by the following weekend it had stopped, unfortunately for me our eldest was suicidal and her friends were screen shooting the comments and sending them too her so she self harmed too ( was suicidal b4 this with her dad ) it is true it never lasts long thank god, but neither of them suffered from the media attention, in the long term if that makes sense xx
Always here if u want to chat
I just wanted to share some hope with you guys.
After my husband made his guilty plea in December and it was reported in the local press we felt we needed to speak with our immediate neighbours with whom we had been very friendly for over a decade. These were very difficult conversations and we weren't sure they would ever speak to us again. But last week one set of neighbours sent condolences when they heard our 22 year old cat had died and today the other couple brought us a gift from their recent holiday. Things still feel a bit fragile but I do believe they see the bigger picture and understand we are still more than a headline.
I have been lucky to be well supported by my place of work and by individual colleagues, though I am retiring in a few months. And although my husband lost his job last summer due to being charged he has picked up some work from an ex line manager and is now developing new professional networks.
We are still on the rollercoaster, but at least that means there are ups as well as downs.
After my husband made his guilty plea in December and it was reported in the local press we felt we needed to speak with our immediate neighbours with whom we had been very friendly for over a decade. These were very difficult conversations and we weren't sure they would ever speak to us again. But last week one set of neighbours sent condolences when they heard our 22 year old cat had died and today the other couple brought us a gift from their recent holiday. Things still feel a bit fragile but I do believe they see the bigger picture and understand we are still more than a headline.
I have been lucky to be well supported by my place of work and by individual colleagues, though I am retiring in a few months. And although my husband lost his job last summer due to being charged he has picked up some work from an ex line manager and is now developing new professional networks.
We are still on the rollercoaster, but at least that means there are ups as well as downs.
Hi Judith,
There are ups yes, some of our friends have been amazing and my family, ( his family don't no thankfully ) it is good that some people can see they just made a huge mistake and realise as u say they r more than the crime. I think I am just struggling as my mental health has been really affected due to ss, its so hard because if unfortunately u have had to deal with them I think it takes longer to recover, I don't mean that in a bad way as I no our journeys are not easy but I feel that we could have started our road to recovery sooner if it hadn't been for them xx
Sending a hug to everyone
There are ups yes, some of our friends have been amazing and my family, ( his family don't no thankfully ) it is good that some people can see they just made a huge mistake and realise as u say they r more than the crime. I think I am just struggling as my mental health has been really affected due to ss, its so hard because if unfortunately u have had to deal with them I think it takes longer to recover, I don't mean that in a bad way as I no our journeys are not easy but I feel that we could have started our road to recovery sooner if it hadn't been for them xx
Sending a hug to everyone
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Hi all,
This is just such a horrible isolated offence that unfortunately people will always jump to their own conclusions and also adapt the reality of what actually happened to suit their own views. I to have to say so far we are still early on only a month in the support we have had from those we told family and close friends has been so overwhelmingly positive and understanding it is something I will never every forget or take for granted ever again. However I have received one really bad reaction from my oldest best friend and her partner whom have advised they will never get past this and believe he is now a monster and a P. Which in itself is the most horrendous thing to hear of people whom a matter of weeks ago were such an important part of our lives. I have no choice but to respect their views however their behaviour and reaction since directly affects me (but apparently they are still 100 supportive of me??). The reality of this situation is it is gossip to those not involved directly, and so it is easier for them to come up with unfair conclusions and responses which is emotive to how they are feeling there and then...the difficult part for me is their lives will resume where as for us we are not only dealing with the aftermath of this awful situation but now have to fave the impact and consequences of others actions moving forward.
Our lives will never ever be the same again, yet I am still hopefull of our future. I do feel I'm already starting the grieving process amongst everything else...of my life I have had and my future life I thought I had in front of me and those I always expected to be in it.
The saying you never know what is round the corner has never been more true xx
This is just such a horrible isolated offence that unfortunately people will always jump to their own conclusions and also adapt the reality of what actually happened to suit their own views. I to have to say so far we are still early on only a month in the support we have had from those we told family and close friends has been so overwhelmingly positive and understanding it is something I will never every forget or take for granted ever again. However I have received one really bad reaction from my oldest best friend and her partner whom have advised they will never get past this and believe he is now a monster and a P. Which in itself is the most horrendous thing to hear of people whom a matter of weeks ago were such an important part of our lives. I have no choice but to respect their views however their behaviour and reaction since directly affects me (but apparently they are still 100 supportive of me??). The reality of this situation is it is gossip to those not involved directly, and so it is easier for them to come up with unfair conclusions and responses which is emotive to how they are feeling there and then...the difficult part for me is their lives will resume where as for us we are not only dealing with the aftermath of this awful situation but now have to fave the impact and consequences of others actions moving forward.
Our lives will never ever be the same again, yet I am still hopefull of our future. I do feel I'm already starting the grieving process amongst everything else...of my life I have had and my future life I thought I had in front of me and those I always expected to be in it.
The saying you never know what is round the corner has never been more true xx
Lee1969..thank you the more I read on here the more I am starting to believe you are the cog for this forum and network of support. You have some very true wise words which are really appreciated at these difficult and uncertain times.
Your ending quote is a line I feel I am going to refer back to frequently moving forward.
Your absolutely right about how shocking it is for those around you to feel it is necessary and helpful to advice of how this terribly affects and impacts them...when as you say it doesn't at all whilst were sitting here with our whole lives shattered around us. You never really know true friendship until friendship is tested I can see that now and feel I have learnt that lesson the hard way. It is very easy for outsiders to pass comment and judge but I will constantly remind all that until you go through this you will never ever be sure of how you will react or feel. But also remembering that there is no text book answer, reaction or behaviour of how two people with the same views in similar situations on here will respond to their own personal circumstance. It surprises me when you read posts on here and you think OMG this is like reading my own story, and refreshing to read all the many different view points both positive and negative to help provide that silent guidance we are all so desperately seeking
Both myself and my partner are doing qhat we feel we need to now to secure a future for us as a family. And rescue and salvage the mess we have found ourselves in. As it currently stands for us now there are actually no restrictions in place now (we are aware this will likely change once SS have completed their assessment) but right now our lives could almost resume as they did before this started. But we have made the decision to continue with the steps we had introduced ourselves to reduce the impact further for our family at the moment. My partner is accessing support off his own back without being advised and dealing head in with the vast mental health issues that we now understand he has been living with. He is an amazing dad and a fantastic partner and this was a very naive and stupid mistake to make which we will all pay the price for for the foreseeable. However I am still adamant that this will not be the end and we can still have that happy and genuine future we both promised to provide to our child.
This forum gives me hope and confidence in the journey. I'd be dishonest if I did admit it also raises further concerns and at times adds to anxiety on occasions...but that is all still positive in giving me clear expectations on what may or may not lie ahead.
Thank you to everyone who posts and offers that shoulder on here. who knew a group of strangers that will never meet, could become the most loyal friends and support in our darkest days .
Xxx
Your ending quote is a line I feel I am going to refer back to frequently moving forward.
Your absolutely right about how shocking it is for those around you to feel it is necessary and helpful to advice of how this terribly affects and impacts them...when as you say it doesn't at all whilst were sitting here with our whole lives shattered around us. You never really know true friendship until friendship is tested I can see that now and feel I have learnt that lesson the hard way. It is very easy for outsiders to pass comment and judge but I will constantly remind all that until you go through this you will never ever be sure of how you will react or feel. But also remembering that there is no text book answer, reaction or behaviour of how two people with the same views in similar situations on here will respond to their own personal circumstance. It surprises me when you read posts on here and you think OMG this is like reading my own story, and refreshing to read all the many different view points both positive and negative to help provide that silent guidance we are all so desperately seeking
Both myself and my partner are doing qhat we feel we need to now to secure a future for us as a family. And rescue and salvage the mess we have found ourselves in. As it currently stands for us now there are actually no restrictions in place now (we are aware this will likely change once SS have completed their assessment) but right now our lives could almost resume as they did before this started. But we have made the decision to continue with the steps we had introduced ourselves to reduce the impact further for our family at the moment. My partner is accessing support off his own back without being advised and dealing head in with the vast mental health issues that we now understand he has been living with. He is an amazing dad and a fantastic partner and this was a very naive and stupid mistake to make which we will all pay the price for for the foreseeable. However I am still adamant that this will not be the end and we can still have that happy and genuine future we both promised to provide to our child.
This forum gives me hope and confidence in the journey. I'd be dishonest if I did admit it also raises further concerns and at times adds to anxiety on occasions...but that is all still positive in giving me clear expectations on what may or may not lie ahead.
Thank you to everyone who posts and offers that shoulder on here. who knew a group of strangers that will never meet, could become the most loyal friends and support in our darkest days .
Xxx
Yes / people will think I'm crazy standing by my son but you cannot just wipe someone you've loved and nurtured all your life even if they've done a bad bad thing.
You do become selfish and quickly fight if pushed into a corner. No one breathing will change my decision, I know it's right (for me and him). It'd be a disaster if I had deserted him, I give him hope for his future.
You do become selfish and quickly fight if pushed into a corner. No one breathing will change my decision, I know it's right (for me and him). It'd be a disaster if I had deserted him, I give him hope for his future.