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Hi everyone,
I posted back in April 2021 after my brother was arrested. He came back after a few hours and everything seemed a lot calmer, he had bail set and basically wasn't allowed to be left alone with my younger brother. Myself, my partner and my brother then moved into our own place in may 2021 and that was the last we heard really.
His bail was supposed to end by October but t then got pushed to January, but now It's being pushed to April and In the letter that I snooped at (I know I shouldn't have but he isn't being very forthcoming with what is going on) it says something about being the last time they will push to extend his bail and that they found 800,000 images and still need to go through 165,000!!!! It says he was in possession and distribution.
He told us all he did was go on an unconventional p*rn site and they police had told him that they were watching people that ended up on the site as some were using it to share images.
I have no idea how to talk to him, what will happen once they have looked through the images? I feel sick, why did he lie? He has put so much on the line and the fact he's lying about what's going on it's driving my mind round the bend. I'm trying to keep my mind off it but I really can't. I just want it to come to an end.
any advice is greatly appreciated x
I posted back in April 2021 after my brother was arrested. He came back after a few hours and everything seemed a lot calmer, he had bail set and basically wasn't allowed to be left alone with my younger brother. Myself, my partner and my brother then moved into our own place in may 2021 and that was the last we heard really.
His bail was supposed to end by October but t then got pushed to January, but now It's being pushed to April and In the letter that I snooped at (I know I shouldn't have but he isn't being very forthcoming with what is going on) it says something about being the last time they will push to extend his bail and that they found 800,000 images and still need to go through 165,000!!!! It says he was in possession and distribution.
He told us all he did was go on an unconventional p*rn site and they police had told him that they were watching people that ended up on the site as some were using it to share images.
I have no idea how to talk to him, what will happen once they have looked through the images? I feel sick, why did he lie? He has put so much on the line and the fact he's lying about what's going on it's driving my mind round the bend. I'm trying to keep my mind off it but I really can't. I just want it to come to an end.
any advice is greatly appreciated x
Hi Solost
What a terrible shock for you. And you obviously care so much for him.
Unfortunately it appears some people quite frequently hold information back from loved ones as they are ashamed to tell the truth and fear rejection. Others will just bury their heads in the sand and pretend nothing bad is happening as they can't face the reality of the situation. However it means they are not taking any responsibility for their behaviour or demonstrating a willingness to change.
I guess all you can do is try to engage your brother in a more open and honest conversation regarding how he is going to move forwards on this. For example, does he have a so!icitor, is he getting support, what is his state of mind, is he interested in working to change his behaviour? But, by doing this you are making a sizeable emotional investment and it will take a toll upon you. And if he won't engage with you there is nothing you can do to compel him. All you can do is be there when he does reach out.
Take care.
What a terrible shock for you. And you obviously care so much for him.
Unfortunately it appears some people quite frequently hold information back from loved ones as they are ashamed to tell the truth and fear rejection. Others will just bury their heads in the sand and pretend nothing bad is happening as they can't face the reality of the situation. However it means they are not taking any responsibility for their behaviour or demonstrating a willingness to change.
I guess all you can do is try to engage your brother in a more open and honest conversation regarding how he is going to move forwards on this. For example, does he have a so!icitor, is he getting support, what is his state of mind, is he interested in working to change his behaviour? But, by doing this you are making a sizeable emotional investment and it will take a toll upon you. And if he won't engage with you there is nothing you can do to compel him. All you can do is be there when he does reach out.
Take care.
Hi Solost,
My goodness what a shock for you. I think a lot of people live in denial and certainly don't disclose full details. Why this is I'm not entirely sure because it's almost guaranteed that evidence will be found by the Police and the lies will be exposed. That is a very large number, the largest I've seen since on this forum. Once the Police have confirmed the rest of the images they will send their evidence to the CPS - unless it is the CPS who are confirming the rest of the images? As he is on bail I'm not sure if he could be arrested again and then remanded, I'm really sorry but I don't doubt for a second he will end up with a custodial for that amount of images. I would suggest him looking into doing courses to understand why he's done what he's done but as he isn't being very forthcoming I would imagine this won't be well received. All I can say is to prepare for the next stages. Maybe you could tell him you saw the letter if you feel safe confronting him (I say safe bc people can flip when you invade their privacy and not bc of the crime) and see what he says? I know a lot of people have said in the past that they've ended up with images accidentally but that is an extremely high number to have received by accident and also the distribution element is worrisome. I can't imagine how you feel, as much as you don't agree with the scenario you still want to support them. Sending love xx
My goodness what a shock for you. I think a lot of people live in denial and certainly don't disclose full details. Why this is I'm not entirely sure because it's almost guaranteed that evidence will be found by the Police and the lies will be exposed. That is a very large number, the largest I've seen since on this forum. Once the Police have confirmed the rest of the images they will send their evidence to the CPS - unless it is the CPS who are confirming the rest of the images? As he is on bail I'm not sure if he could be arrested again and then remanded, I'm really sorry but I don't doubt for a second he will end up with a custodial for that amount of images. I would suggest him looking into doing courses to understand why he's done what he's done but as he isn't being very forthcoming I would imagine this won't be well received. All I can say is to prepare for the next stages. Maybe you could tell him you saw the letter if you feel safe confronting him (I say safe bc people can flip when you invade their privacy and not bc of the crime) and see what he says? I know a lot of people have said in the past that they've ended up with images accidentally but that is an extremely high number to have received by accident and also the distribution element is worrisome. I can't imagine how you feel, as much as you don't agree with the scenario you still want to support them. Sending love xx
I could be wrong here, but the 800,000 may refer to the number of images that are just on his devices in need of processing, as in some may just be normal photos, not iioc, but just general images he has saved on there. It may be clear from the letter you've read that this isn't the case, so sorry if I'm not helpful there, but worth considering.
Hi,
I may be wrong but I thought I read somewhere that sometimes they don't search for that amount but they come in and download as batches and sometimes thumbnails that you cannot see, im sorry but im not that up with all the jargon
I may be wrong but I thought I read somewhere that sometimes they don't search for that amount but they come in and download as batches and sometimes thumbnails that you cannot see, im sorry but im not that up with all the jargon