Family and Friends Forum

Hi Moo,

I am so sorry u find urself here in this group no one ever thinks they will be in, I would take time off if u can, u need time to process all the information, I went on the sick I was a TA but then I left because my husband was ill and they wanted me to choose, it's not easy but I also couldn't abandon him either. Reach out on here to people we no how u feel and how hard things are x

Hey Moo,

I have replied to the comment you left on another thread, as a new user it takes a while for your posts to become instant hence your post only being made available now. I mentioned to call Unlock and ask them for advice on staying with your husband as he will be under the investigation stage so I don't know if your employer can dictate you staying with him or not. It's odd that they took your bedding and shirt as evidence. They normally will film your house as evidence so that they can place any pics sent against backgrounds. Sometimes men won't disclose the full truth at this stage however, having seen the evidence in my partner's case it does seem that sometimes these cases aren't as cut and dry as they should be. If it was on Snapchat then you can easily miss a message because I've done it myself where I've opened a message by accident without reading it and then it's disappeared. They will be able to recover the whole message thread so they will be able to see the full conversation. Unfortunately, until the full evidence is released which will probably be months you can only go off what your partner says. It's a long process and a rollercoaster of emotions but we are all here for you x

Hi moo, welcome to the club noone wants to be in. We are all here for you. everyone in this group have amazing strengths,. But it takes time the early days are a haze of emotions, but every think you're feeling is normal. I'm a year down the line for a very similar charge on my partner, well ex kind of, I haven't made any decisions yet, so take your time, get all the facts, this is a long process so call your gp if you're struggling or the stop it help line, it's was a great source of support for me and my partner. He, like you and your hubby has suffered a lot of grief (his dad then my twin) he just feel apart, he was weak and just coukdnt be strong for both of us but he's a new person now he's dealing with his greif and self esteem issues, he's so much stronger now even though he's lost everything, he's out a lot of work into himself and i know he did wrong and needs punishment, I don't honestly think a lot of these guys deserve prison. Sorry for the rant but what I'm saying is take your time, tell only people you trust and get as much help as possible r you both, taje care x

So sorry you've found yourself here.

In response to your job. The disqualification by association rule was scrapped in 2018 only 2 years after it was implemented. It'll be the LADO who has a say on this. It is not, it should not be, automatic disqualification.

Xxx

Sarah's Right regarding the LADO and your Job, it's soul destroying think you can loose your career because of thier actions but often employers are supportive and only on a need to know basis and LADO will be making that Assessment so it may be worth speaking with them, the police/social worker has already contacted them as I also have children.

I'm still working and work have been ok had a few manager changes sore more people that I would really like know about it but what can you do.
stay strong lovley this will all probably take a while, call the help line, shout, scream exercise do what you want x

Dear Moo

Reading this made my heart ache. It os exactly how I felt with the first knock. Your emotions will be all over the place, it is totally normal in this situation and we all feel that way. My only advice would be to not do/say/confide/act too quickly. This takes a long time to process, you need to give yourself time for it to sink in. I found it helped (at least I tell myself that) to write a list of things that needed doing. From huge life things that needed to be sorted to going to work and cleaning. Ticking them off gives me some measure of control in a situation that I have zero control over.

I hope you are getting through.

Sending big hugs and comfort x

Sorry you find yourself here. The stop it now helpline is a huge help and could not have navigated my way through my first weeks without them.



I am in a similar role, though not a teacher. I can only share my experience and as you will find out it is different in every area, which is incredibly frustrating.



i was referred to LADO as I informed my employer the day after the knock. I did have an option to wait until investigation was over but decided to go ahead with it all. I was not suspended during this time but I was off work sick due to the stress of the situation. LADO closed with a possibility it will re-open in the future. My husband is not able to be in the house if I work from home and have to store confidential info properly so not much of a change to be honest.



i was not in a union and that's the only advice I think I got from everyone, to join. I have but have not needed it. Yet!!



my advice though is to call the helpline and explain your situation. They talked me through logically and gave practical advice.

sending hugs x