Family and Friends Forum

Hi MC,

Sorry you've joined us here but it will help you and the support on here is fab! It's normal to have been released pending further investigation, the Police do this to save themselves the aggro of bailing and then having to extend bail because being released under investigation gives them unlimited time to gather their evidence. What will happen now is that any devices seized will be searched and then evidence will be sent to the Crown Prosecution Service where they will decide the charges. This will take months unfortunately, sometimes can go to the year+/2 years mark. As he has admitted he has been doing it, it is likely they will call him back for a second interview once they have gone through the phones, it's important he has a solicitor before he speaks to the Police and says anything at all to them, even though he has already admitted guilt. At the moment you will feel like your world has been ripped apart and there is no going back but just let the dust settle before you make any big decisions. Xx

MC96 - So sorry you've found yourself here. A similar situation has occurred for my husband, just three weeks ago now. I called the LFF helpline and basically asked 'what happens now?' and it was so helpful. They talked me through the whole process and what I could expect. Would definitely recommend doing that and asking any questions you have.

You mentioned your partner sharing images/videos between groups or pages? My husband has done the same thing and I've been struggling to understand what that even looks like. I don't know why I feel a need to understand exactly what he's done - either way it's so sickening. My husband was using Kik which I have no idea about but he has tried to explain to me that it is very normal to share things between groups. I struggle to understand it and feel at such a loss trying.

I want to reassure you too that it's totally ok to still love and care for your partner/ex-partner. Those feelings don't go away overnight and what our partners are going through (though they are not the victims!) is still a life-altering and traumatic thing which it will be natural for us to want to care for them through. Hope that makes sense. Stay strong x

To add to above, now is the time for him to look into rehabilitation. The process from arrest to end of investigation can take years I'm afraid, and this has been the case regardless of covid.

He needs to address his behaviour and work on making sure he doesn't do it again. He may also find the Lucy faithful helpline helpful, as well as you.



Big hugs

MC 96

We waited just over seven months for charges to be brought but lots of people here have waited appreciably longer unfortunately.

The only thing I would add is that your emotions will be all over the place whilst you come to terms with what has happened. Don't feel you HAVE to make irrevocable decisions at this point.Some folks remain with their partners, others leave. No one here will criticise you either way. But just make sure it's the right decision for you.

With best wishes.

Hi MC, I'm sorry you find yourself here but, as the other ladies have said, don't make any decisions yet - it's too early, too shocking and too raw. Arm yourself with information, talk to all of us and just sit tight for what unfortunately could be a long journey.

Sending you big hugs x

Hey, sorry you're going through this, the first few weeks are horrendous everything you're feeling is completely normal, I'm. A year in after the knock and still hvnt decided what to do but I am helping him and he's helping me too because we are the only two going through it so it helps to be honest and rasnt with each other he takes a lot of s*** off me at times but very early, every thing calms down then when charges etc are set it taljes me right back its like a rolkercoster, so take all the help you can get, gp was helpful for me, I'm in meds as is he, plus I got counselling which was great just to talk to someone else about it, I've told noone, but find heakth professionals have Benn really good, also stop it helpline too x

I'd echo what so many people are saying, don't make any big decisions when things are so raw. The decision people decide to make in regards to staying with their partner is completely personal.



And please don't feel bad or wrong for messaging him. It's natural that you'd still care about him. It's very likely he's still the same man you love/d, you've just learned more about him/a side you didn't know before, but the things you love/d about him are still valid.



Please call the Lucy Faithfull helpline. It's completely confidential and I've found them to be really helpful and have been a great support to me since the knock. It sometimes takes a while to get through to them but stick with it and you will.



If you decide to support him (in or out of a relationship), it is a emotional roller-coaster and you feel like you are living in a parallel universe to other people, but some how you do find a way to function in between the twists and turns.



Please call the helpline and keep checking in here. The ladies here are an extremely supportive bunch.

Evening MC96

Just wanted to say you are not alone in this journey so just be kind to yourself and like everyone else has said the first few weeks your emotions are all over the place

Having no one else to talk to makes it even harder but always come on here for support

Just sending hugs xx

Aww MC I really wish we had a private way of being able to contact each other because I'm a similar age to you and would love to be able to converse easier! It all sounds very sinister and being new to this you probably have your reservations about people who are involved in these types of offences. Unfortunately the media has brainwashed us all to believe that people who are done for images or conversations are animals/P-words etc but that isn't always the case. A lot of men get exposed to these types of things by accident/out of curiosity or porn addiction amongst other things. It's not an easy thing to support someone through but as you already know this will take a few months and you'll learn a lot along the way which will help you decide on what you want to do in regards to your relationship. As for yourself, it's a very shocking thing to go through, you rack your brain trying to figure it all out and the first couple of weeks are horrific. Take some time off work if you can and try to relax whilst letting your emotions out. At the moment you'll feel like you have to also grieve for your relationship but that doesn't necessarily have to be the case depending on how you feel later down the line. I also felt like my world had fell apart, after a previous horrific relationship I had finally found my Prince and he is truly my best friend and soul mate and then this happened! Either way, you have the choices, you hold all the cards and you also have time on your side to decide whatever you want. Sending love xx