Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Have you been able to have any counselling? Would you be able to work out a rota for supervising contact with the other two people? Unfortunately, everyone's journey is so different in terms of timescales so I'm unable to offer any advice on that. At the moment I supervise alongside his parents so whilst I don't have sole responsibility in the actual supervision (can go to the toilet while they are there etc) I do share that feeling of everything falling to me as our daughter is very young and I worry about how she'd cope if I wasn't there too. How often is contact for you? What is your relationship like with the mother of his children? Could you discuss your feelings with your son and ask him to take responsibility for speaking to the other named people to provide you with some respite? Sending love to you xx

Hi Mandy,

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It does take a while unfortunately, anywhere between 6 months and 2 years on average! It's been so good of you to take on the burden and allow your son back with you along with supervising. If it's gotten too much for you, tell your son and maybe suggest he moves out. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking after yourself, especially when it's starting to impact you so much. As women we often carry everyone else's problems but sometimes we have to think of ourselves. You've already done so much, you have no responsibility to carry on as you are. Sending lots of love xx

Mandymoo, I'm sending you such a big hug - please know that you are totally understood and supported here. I too am here because of my son, although it's not such a complicated situation as he's a student, no partners or children. He got the knock in May last year and it's thrown our lives into turmoil; like you, I've had moments where I don't want to be here any more. He is/was loved, high-achieving, ambitious and comes from a solid, loving background - I still don't fully understand why and how this happened.

I would suggest that you seek some form of counselling, party to help your understanding and partly because this is a very lonely journey. Next, make sure you take care of yourself; it's really important to do things that make you happy and give you respite from your situation. Unfortunately the timescales are unpredictable and generally long so you may need to buckle up for a long ride, but you can use the time to get him the help that he needs. Take care xx

I feel for you - we understand your sorrow and desperation as you try to work your way round this. The beginning of this journey was the worst part for me personally. My son is serving a long prison sentence for his crime.

We stand together as we try to understand why such a thing happened in our families/individual circumstances. There's no one answer - like so many things in life.

Honest Mandymoo - hang on in there it does level out - take advice to get counselling and support.

big hug x

Mandymoo

I to am here because of my sons actions he dosent have children so I dont have the added pressure but he is on remand until sentancing in the next few weeks

This is a rollercoaster nightmare journey but we are all here for you so please reach out

Sending strength and love xx

Mandymoo sending hugs and believe us it does get easier and there is light at the end of the tunnel, it does feel like their life is over but it's not, being at rock bottom means the only way is up xxx