When does it get easier?
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Partners first offence isolated incident images downloaded completely innocently and unaware of the content from unrelated forum, but viewed on a few occasions.
No previous history before during or after event relating to anything remotely connected to above offence.
Is staying away from the family home to focus fully on accessing the support and right help needed, and to prevent further impact on ur child. Understandably partner is not coping or managing positively with his mental health and emotional well-being.
Has reached out to safer lives for the support to help him understand the decisions which have led us here. However advised the group work would not be beneficial or relevant to him, given his situation is not premeditated or driven by an interest urges or desire. Instead advised intense therapy is recommended to explore deep rooted trauma, and experiences which have allowed him to view the content without feeling effected.
My question is how on earth do you move forward from this as a family? when I am now expecting from reading on here, that SS are likely to prevent him from returning home given we have a toddler together. I love him dearly and whilst am in no way minimising the seriousness of his actions. I do believe and trust this was a stupid innocent mistake and then very poor judgement to return to view them again. As he advised and I agree he has no reason to hide anything now, as evidence will provide the facts once his device has been screened.
Overall I have been overwhelmed by the support from family and friends aware. However a small minority have taken the situation badly, which is understood and to be expected. But the hurtful part for me in that is, I and our child are innocent in this.
But their comments have caused almost a whole new layer of hurt, further damage and impact to me directly in addition to all that is going on. I feel "do you not think I am going through enough here without the irrelevant comments about how this impacts and affects you??" But then feel choosing to stand by and support him puts me at target of their feelings and views.
We are only around a month in so things are still very raw. However whilst I understand normal as it was will never resume for us. Does anyone have any positives surrounding their new normal that I can take some comfort and hope from.
Thank you.
No previous history before during or after event relating to anything remotely connected to above offence.
Is staying away from the family home to focus fully on accessing the support and right help needed, and to prevent further impact on ur child. Understandably partner is not coping or managing positively with his mental health and emotional well-being.
Has reached out to safer lives for the support to help him understand the decisions which have led us here. However advised the group work would not be beneficial or relevant to him, given his situation is not premeditated or driven by an interest urges or desire. Instead advised intense therapy is recommended to explore deep rooted trauma, and experiences which have allowed him to view the content without feeling effected.
My question is how on earth do you move forward from this as a family? when I am now expecting from reading on here, that SS are likely to prevent him from returning home given we have a toddler together. I love him dearly and whilst am in no way minimising the seriousness of his actions. I do believe and trust this was a stupid innocent mistake and then very poor judgement to return to view them again. As he advised and I agree he has no reason to hide anything now, as evidence will provide the facts once his device has been screened.
Overall I have been overwhelmed by the support from family and friends aware. However a small minority have taken the situation badly, which is understood and to be expected. But the hurtful part for me in that is, I and our child are innocent in this.
But their comments have caused almost a whole new layer of hurt, further damage and impact to me directly in addition to all that is going on. I feel "do you not think I am going through enough here without the irrelevant comments about how this impacts and affects you??" But then feel choosing to stand by and support him puts me at target of their feelings and views.
We are only around a month in so things are still very raw. However whilst I understand normal as it was will never resume for us. Does anyone have any positives surrounding their new normal that I can take some comfort and hope from.
Thank you.
Hi Tina 20,
I can completely understand how u feel, I am nearly out the other side, apart from my mental health suffering a lot due to ss, u can get through this, it is hard work and if u want to u can both work through it. Its not easy and there will be times when u lose ur shit and lash out at him, but as long as u r both honest with each other it can work. We have lost family members and some close friends, but I have also gained new friends and friends that no my hubby isn't a bad man just royally messed up, again it is hard going because when ur at ur lowest u feel u have no one to talk to or feel like every one is talking about u, I no I send myself mad doing that, but I struggle with my mental health and this has only made it worse, but while I'm sad at losing people I also no that it has made me a little stronger ( not that I feel like it ) I saw a saying on fb that was memory and it said ' don't judge when u have not walked in my shoes' or along those lines and it is true no one can say how they would react until it happens to u xxxx
I don't no if I have helped but things be a new normal and u maybe able to get ur hubby home it will just take time x
I can completely understand how u feel, I am nearly out the other side, apart from my mental health suffering a lot due to ss, u can get through this, it is hard work and if u want to u can both work through it. Its not easy and there will be times when u lose ur shit and lash out at him, but as long as u r both honest with each other it can work. We have lost family members and some close friends, but I have also gained new friends and friends that no my hubby isn't a bad man just royally messed up, again it is hard going because when ur at ur lowest u feel u have no one to talk to or feel like every one is talking about u, I no I send myself mad doing that, but I struggle with my mental health and this has only made it worse, but while I'm sad at losing people I also no that it has made me a little stronger ( not that I feel like it ) I saw a saying on fb that was memory and it said ' don't judge when u have not walked in my shoes' or along those lines and it is true no one can say how they would react until it happens to u xxxx
I don't no if I have helped but things be a new normal and u maybe able to get ur hubby home it will just take time x
Dawn,
Your words are so true. Until you've lived through something like this you never know how you'd react.
Tina please stay strong, it's early days for you and for now you have to just take it one step at a time. Not the greatest help or advice but it was the only way I got through.
Much love to you both x
Your words are so true. Until you've lived through something like this you never know how you'd react.
Tina please stay strong, it's early days for you and for now you have to just take it one step at a time. Not the greatest help or advice but it was the only way I got through.
Much love to you both x
Hi Tina,
Safer lives have a support group for partners and parents, you can contact them for yourself so you can talk to others. I find this really useful.
stop so has a referral form on there so you can refer yourself for a therapist and they send you someone's details who is local to you. My OH finds his therapist really good.
I find it helps to think of my OH as a big circle and this offence is one dot in it- he's done something wrong and stupid but it isn't him and doesn't define him. Reading the positivity stories on the thread lee has bumped up give me so much hope x
Safer lives have a support group for partners and parents, you can contact them for yourself so you can talk to others. I find this really useful.
stop so has a referral form on there so you can refer yourself for a therapist and they send you someone's details who is local to you. My OH finds his therapist really good.
I find it helps to think of my OH as a big circle and this offence is one dot in it- he's done something wrong and stupid but it isn't him and doesn't define him. Reading the positivity stories on the thread lee has bumped up give me so much hope x
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