All cried out x
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Thanks to the help line today that have been fantastic. I’ve had a massive breakdown and cried for two days . We’re waiting for a decision from the CPS as to what happens next . My sons electronics were all clear. He was arrested for one chat and thought he could be a bit of a vigilante and meet a guy who was on grinder who turned the conversation around to abusing someone . My son was so down and sad and it’s since came to light my son was sexually assaulted ages 16 my someone we all know he videod the incident and tried to blackmail my son for the next few years . It’s came to a head when my sons friend caught this lad trying to attack My son . He never told me until 4 weeks ago and everything is just falling into place now . He’s gone form a bright lad to a shell . He thought he could trap this man he was talking to and get some sort of closure . It’s just wether any one believes him . What a life
Scrappy
I think I said before it’s so good your supporting your son. It really is this is going to hugely help with the recovery and he is already been open. One would hope that will go in his favour. I don’t know what cps will do. I hope it all works out.
I genuinely need a good cry too it always helps me. We haven’t asked for this and it really is very hard for all the connected persons.
I promise you tour son will know he is loved, he just needs to process his trauma and build his own recovery so he can learn to love and respect himself.
so many men are caught in this pain and. He isn’t the only one going through this. I wishe for us all it wasn’t so hard.
I think I said before it’s so good your supporting your son. It really is this is going to hugely help with the recovery and he is already been open. One would hope that will go in his favour. I don’t know what cps will do. I hope it all works out.
I genuinely need a good cry too it always helps me. We haven’t asked for this and it really is very hard for all the connected persons.
I promise you tour son will know he is loved, he just needs to process his trauma and build his own recovery so he can learn to love and respect himself.
so many men are caught in this pain and. He isn’t the only one going through this. I wishe for us all it wasn’t so hard.
Thank you for replying Beth xx he’s in my bed now and he’s jait looked at me and said mam I didn’t want someone to suffer like i did . His abuse went on for 2 years . We’ve hit rock bottom today x you’re all so brave on here x
Sometimes we have to get that low the only way is up. I think it’s awesome your communicating.
we have to be brave so we will survive. It’s hard but I believe that’s the only way we will get through. Or it will defeat us.
As a community we are certainly stronger together it can be very isolating for us all.
your son is also being strong. I feel the offending is a way of acting out the trauma. These are not bad people but very lost. My husband investigation officer does seem to be supportive too. ( although I don’t know whether to trust him) I hope it all works out for you son . Xx
we have to be brave so we will survive. It’s hard but I believe that’s the only way we will get through. Or it will defeat us.
As a community we are certainly stronger together it can be very isolating for us all.
your son is also being strong. I feel the offending is a way of acting out the trauma. These are not bad people but very lost. My husband investigation officer does seem to be supportive too. ( although I don’t know whether to trust him) I hope it all works out for you son . Xx
It’s a position you never think you’re going to be in x I do recommend the help Line if anyone hasn’t called them yet
The sadness of mothers, wives and relatives just keeps on coming on this site. I feel for every person who Is suffering from all the offences commited . I also understand what every one of you are going through simply because I’m going through the exact same. In my case it was my son. He commited a communication offence it’s a 14 year old. Thankfully it as not through the paedophile hunters but it did go in the paper a well as his picture. We moved within a month of him being charged which I do feel helped. I can only imagine how it feels to stay put where your well known if you stand by the offender. It’s honestly terrible that people cannot support someone without being classed as no better than the offender.something needs to change!!!
Not everything is black and white is it x good people make mistakes for whatever reason.
I forgot to say my son was in fact sent to prison six months ago for sexual communication it’s a 14 year old. He is 22. He was placed on the sex offender register but not on a shopo. I’m not sure why images amounts to shopo but communication does not. He has been told that he ill not be put on a shopo.
i was ondering if anyone has experience of being on the sex offender register. We are concerned about a family holiday we plan for when my son is released on licence. Its to be to butlins . I’m worried that his police officer dealing it’s him on the sex offender register will not allow this as butlins is obviously full of kids. That said, I’ve read on the internet about the rules of sex offender register. It says you have to tell them where your going but nothing about whether the officer has the right to stop you going. Does anyone have any advice please.
i should say that my daughter has a male toddler. Social services came out, reiterated that there’s to be no unsupervised contact when my son comes home and closed the case. She said that they old only reopen the case after my son comes home if they got a report of unsupervised contact.
i should also just say that although i and my family are standing by my son, I do not condone or agree with what he’s done. He’s done something very stupid and is now paying the price. He is all to aware that if he did it again we likely would not stand by him. That said, it must be very hard for a mother to walk away from her child so until I’ve walked a mile in that shoes I don’t suppose I can truly say what I would or would not do.i can certainly say I’ve met people in the prison visiting room who have stood by men for much much worse than what my sons done . I suppose it all depends on the person and circumstances.
i was ondering if anyone has experience of being on the sex offender register. We are concerned about a family holiday we plan for when my son is released on licence. Its to be to butlins . I’m worried that his police officer dealing it’s him on the sex offender register will not allow this as butlins is obviously full of kids. That said, I’ve read on the internet about the rules of sex offender register. It says you have to tell them where your going but nothing about whether the officer has the right to stop you going. Does anyone have any advice please.
i should say that my daughter has a male toddler. Social services came out, reiterated that there’s to be no unsupervised contact when my son comes home and closed the case. She said that they old only reopen the case after my son comes home if they got a report of unsupervised contact.
i should also just say that although i and my family are standing by my son, I do not condone or agree with what he’s done. He’s done something very stupid and is now paying the price. He is all to aware that if he did it again we likely would not stand by him. That said, it must be very hard for a mother to walk away from her child so until I’ve walked a mile in that shoes I don’t suppose I can truly say what I would or would not do.i can certainly say I’ve met people in the prison visiting room who have stood by men for much much worse than what my sons done . I suppose it all depends on the person and circumstances.
Scrappy
i could not agree more. People just don’t want to understand it. It’s half ignorance and half that people want to believe the way things are percieved in the press. My sons case sounded nothing like what actually happened when it was printed. I know this because I sat with police, solicitor and social work to hear it from them simply because I could not have coped with lies. I was very relieved when the reports they gave us matched what our son had told us. He should not have been speaking to a 14 year old full stop but he is paying the price now in the same way his family are. I am actually in the process of writing a book about my experience as that is what I do for a living. I intend the world to know what it’s really like for the innocent family members ho have done not a thing wrong and be treated so badly when it all comes out!!!!
i could not agree more. People just don’t want to understand it. It’s half ignorance and half that people want to believe the way things are percieved in the press. My sons case sounded nothing like what actually happened when it was printed. I know this because I sat with police, solicitor and social work to hear it from them simply because I could not have coped with lies. I was very relieved when the reports they gave us matched what our son had told us. He should not have been speaking to a 14 year old full stop but he is paying the price now in the same way his family are. I am actually in the process of writing a book about my experience as that is what I do for a living. I intend the world to know what it’s really like for the innocent family members ho have done not a thing wrong and be treated so badly when it all comes out!!!!
Nicenanna, unfortunatly yes they can be prevented from going to certain places. A thing to be mindful of when booking holidays is the small print on documents, some places say you cannot stay there if you are a registered sex offender. Although they may not have restrictions about spending time with children or in places where children are it does not mean he will be free to go anywhere. The other thing to think about would be sleeping arrangements, if you are all sharing one accommodation that may be deemed as unsuitable. My partner has no restrictions but we have been told we cannot go on certain types of holidays by probation and police due to them being family places with lots of kids around. It's difficult as our kids will miss out on some of the things they would normally do but its good to see people on the sex offenders register are monitored, it's just very sad that this is now part of my life.
Hi nice nana, just to let you know it was ok for my son to go abroad for a few days when he was on the register, he was with us so don’t know if that makes a difference. We had to give police details of dates, where we stayed. Having only just joined this forum even though it’s been over 6 years since the knock on my door, I’m glad I can have a chat with people who really understand as I still have down days. Though to help anyone else, time has helped me cope better
Sorry not sure if its clear what I meant on my post. Holidays are fine but places like Butlins are likely to not be allowed due to the large numbers of kids at the location and the places own policies. It's worth checking the small print before booking. Probation and the police are unlikely to say its ok to go somewhere like Butlins or other holiday places known for having lots of children around. Some things will depend on your probation officer/local police and also the police in the area you are travelling to and if abroad then it depends where you want to go.
Hi Maria and Supermum
Thanks for the replies. As far as butlins goes it’s no surprise as that was my thought that it may not be allowed due to so many kids around. With accomadation we have decided we will have to have separate rooms from my daughter and her toddler as we know from reading on the internet that our son is unlikely for a long time going to be allowed to stay overnight with kids.
from what I have read online foreign holidays seem a bit easier. Most people say what supermum says. You just have to report your going and when you will be back. I’m led to believe that the sex offender will have to be stopped and asked a few questions at the airport but that’s all that happens from what I’ve read.
i also read that a sex offender who does not have a a sopo does not have to return from their holiday if they do not want to. I’ve read you can tell the police your going for an extended stay and you’ll be told that you must report within so many days of coming back into the uk. Surely this cannot be right? I’ll be amazed if that’s true. It says on internet that sex register cannot stop you but a sopo can because a sopo can place restrictions that sex register cannot.
i cannot understand why a sexual communication does not attract a sopo but images do. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad my son won’t have sopo when he comes home but I’d like to find out why some get a sopo and others do not.
also can anyone explain what actually happens while your on the register? How often do the police come to the house? Are they uniformed or plain clothed? Do they check devices if you do not have a sopo? If so is it just the offenders device checked or ours to? I ask only because my son will be moving in with myself and his dad when he comes home. Thanks to anyone who can help.
Thanks for the replies. As far as butlins goes it’s no surprise as that was my thought that it may not be allowed due to so many kids around. With accomadation we have decided we will have to have separate rooms from my daughter and her toddler as we know from reading on the internet that our son is unlikely for a long time going to be allowed to stay overnight with kids.
from what I have read online foreign holidays seem a bit easier. Most people say what supermum says. You just have to report your going and when you will be back. I’m led to believe that the sex offender will have to be stopped and asked a few questions at the airport but that’s all that happens from what I’ve read.
i also read that a sex offender who does not have a a sopo does not have to return from their holiday if they do not want to. I’ve read you can tell the police your going for an extended stay and you’ll be told that you must report within so many days of coming back into the uk. Surely this cannot be right? I’ll be amazed if that’s true. It says on internet that sex register cannot stop you but a sopo can because a sopo can place restrictions that sex register cannot.
i cannot understand why a sexual communication does not attract a sopo but images do. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad my son won’t have sopo when he comes home but I’d like to find out why some get a sopo and others do not.
also can anyone explain what actually happens while your on the register? How often do the police come to the house? Are they uniformed or plain clothed? Do they check devices if you do not have a sopo? If so is it just the offenders device checked or ours to? I ask only because my son will be moving in with myself and his dad when he comes home. Thanks to anyone who can help.