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Hi
So 3 and half weeks ago we have the police come to the door and took all the phone n computer from the house in front of my 10 year girl n 9 year old boy. My hubby has been changed with communicate thing. I don't understand it all. He has moved out to live with his mum and dad. In Dec someone was sending photo of their bits to my daughter and got her to sent a photo back. Police shouldn't help as I deleted everything in a panic.
My hubby said he has spend the month trying to find the guy that did it. When he couldn't he went on a chat room and started speaking to a girl they went on Snapchat and he ask for a pic of her in her bra she was 13 so he could use the picture to get the guy who did it to our daughter. No picture were sent or found on his phone or computer
Now my marriage is over and I have 2 kids upset they can't see their dad but I can't tell them why.
How does everyone get over this
So 3 and half weeks ago we have the police come to the door and took all the phone n computer from the house in front of my 10 year girl n 9 year old boy. My hubby has been changed with communicate thing. I don't understand it all. He has moved out to live with his mum and dad. In Dec someone was sending photo of their bits to my daughter and got her to sent a photo back. Police shouldn't help as I deleted everything in a panic.
My hubby said he has spend the month trying to find the guy that did it. When he couldn't he went on a chat room and started speaking to a girl they went on Snapchat and he ask for a pic of her in her bra she was 13 so he could use the picture to get the guy who did it to our daughter. No picture were sent or found on his phone or computer
Now my marriage is over and I have 2 kids upset they can't see their dad but I can't tell them why.
How does everyone get over this
Hi sorry these are the circumstances in which we are all connected.
Firstly sending hugs this is an awful situation we find ourselves in, we are trying to process grieve and still maintain that pillar of emotional support anf strength to our children.
Unfortunately there is no one shoe fits all answer in response to your question...my god I wish their was! The hardest part is the fear of the unknown of what to expect. If we could mentally and emotionally prepare for what lies ahead, I think all would agree it would reassure and support us all that we can get through this.
Nobody can advise or predict how the future will look moving forward, as you will see how so many similar cases differ in outcome. So with that in mind apologies that this doesn't really help...but all you can do is take each day as it comes. Acknowledge your feelings, roll with ever changing emotional rollercoaster you are now on. Be cautious with whom you share what with. Once you have offloaded you can not take it back, people's reactions you can not predict. Regardless of how close or well you know them, or how long they have been in your life. Everyone reacts differently, this is not always negatively. Seek support from here as it's very isolating, and you will need that safe non judgemental environment to offload.
Remember this Is not the consequences of your actions so please don't punish yourself. Children are surprisingly robust and resilient, share with them what you see fit for now but encourage open and honest communication between yourselves...you will be surprised how much you need your children throughout this journey they are at times the distraction and focus we need to pull us through.
You will get through this albeit hard, everyday you are 1 step closer to your new normal. Follow your gut instinct as your guide for what is right for you and your family. Do not allow others on the outside to influence you, nobody knows how they would react until they unfortunately find themselves here. Access the support from the phone line on here it helps just to vent. Consider your own emotional and mental wellbeing, if you need time take time you will need your strength throughout this so it is vital you look after yourself by listening to what you need.
It's a long difficult and unpredictable journey you are on, you may feel like it now but you are not alone access this forum regularly as it really helps.
Remember you do what is right for you to get through this, take things 1 day at a time xx sending lots of love.
Firstly sending hugs this is an awful situation we find ourselves in, we are trying to process grieve and still maintain that pillar of emotional support anf strength to our children.
Unfortunately there is no one shoe fits all answer in response to your question...my god I wish their was! The hardest part is the fear of the unknown of what to expect. If we could mentally and emotionally prepare for what lies ahead, I think all would agree it would reassure and support us all that we can get through this.
Nobody can advise or predict how the future will look moving forward, as you will see how so many similar cases differ in outcome. So with that in mind apologies that this doesn't really help...but all you can do is take each day as it comes. Acknowledge your feelings, roll with ever changing emotional rollercoaster you are now on. Be cautious with whom you share what with. Once you have offloaded you can not take it back, people's reactions you can not predict. Regardless of how close or well you know them, or how long they have been in your life. Everyone reacts differently, this is not always negatively. Seek support from here as it's very isolating, and you will need that safe non judgemental environment to offload.
Remember this Is not the consequences of your actions so please don't punish yourself. Children are surprisingly robust and resilient, share with them what you see fit for now but encourage open and honest communication between yourselves...you will be surprised how much you need your children throughout this journey they are at times the distraction and focus we need to pull us through.
You will get through this albeit hard, everyday you are 1 step closer to your new normal. Follow your gut instinct as your guide for what is right for you and your family. Do not allow others on the outside to influence you, nobody knows how they would react until they unfortunately find themselves here. Access the support from the phone line on here it helps just to vent. Consider your own emotional and mental wellbeing, if you need time take time you will need your strength throughout this so it is vital you look after yourself by listening to what you need.
It's a long difficult and unpredictable journey you are on, you may feel like it now but you are not alone access this forum regularly as it really helps.
Remember you do what is right for you to get through this, take things 1 day at a time xx sending lots of love.
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Thank you so much. Its hard everyone asking why we broken up as we were so happy.
Hi What's
it's certainly hard when people are asking why we have split too. Some of my close friends think we had a falling out at Xmas and now he's back at home which he's not!
I forget what lie I've told about us to whom, then get angry with him as he's put me in this situation x
it's certainly hard when people are asking why we have split too. Some of my close friends think we had a falling out at Xmas and now he's back at home which he's not!
I forget what lie I've told about us to whom, then get angry with him as he's put me in this situation x
How does anybody gets over this? I don't know, for me it's been nearly a year after the knock and I'm still not over this.
I have told friends that we were having arguments and couldn't get along so he's taking time away living with his parents, but as time pass and they don't see him at all, I'm sure they suspect something is up.
My only way of coping these days is ridiculous amount of love bombing to myself and the kids, concentrating on work and taking it one day at a time, as otherwise I'll go mental (I'm a survivor of sexual abuse myself, so this is double trauma for me)
I did had to take time off for a month about two months after the knock as I was struggling horrendously.
So my advise is to take all the help available, being tablets, exercise, whatever, spoil the kids rotten and be in the present as much as you can.
Big hugs x
I have told friends that we were having arguments and couldn't get along so he's taking time away living with his parents, but as time pass and they don't see him at all, I'm sure they suspect something is up.
My only way of coping these days is ridiculous amount of love bombing to myself and the kids, concentrating on work and taking it one day at a time, as otherwise I'll go mental (I'm a survivor of sexual abuse myself, so this is double trauma for me)
I did had to take time off for a month about two months after the knock as I was struggling horrendously.
So my advise is to take all the help available, being tablets, exercise, whatever, spoil the kids rotten and be in the present as much as you can.
Big hugs x
People will always ask...as we would if it was us looking in on others. They won't realise what's happening and are asking out of concern or gossip (unfortunately). So people will never realise the anxiety answering that question brings...sometimes you wish you could say "he's had an affair" which is mental to think you'd take that over this situation but sply as it would be easier to explain or to pacifiy peoples needs to know whats going on.
But it is always your choice what to do whether to stay togother or part. You will have your own personal reasons either way, and it is NO BUSINESS of anyone else. As after all nobody knows how they would react in this situation until they unfortunately find themselves here. People will always judge and pass comment without realising the impact those comments can have...I think if we're honest we would be the same if it was us discovering this about others. However this has taught me if nothing more firstly to appreciate and realise what and who is really important, and too always think before I speak as you never really know the effect your comments may have upon someone else who may already really be struggling.
But it is always your choice what to do whether to stay togother or part. You will have your own personal reasons either way, and it is NO BUSINESS of anyone else. As after all nobody knows how they would react in this situation until they unfortunately find themselves here. People will always judge and pass comment without realising the impact those comments can have...I think if we're honest we would be the same if it was us discovering this about others. However this has taught me if nothing more firstly to appreciate and realise what and who is really important, and too always think before I speak as you never really know the effect your comments may have upon someone else who may already really be struggling.
Agree Tina- my opinions have really changed since this journey began. I am not judgemental, more sympathetic, less selfish and so aware of other peoples problems and how many could put a smile on their face but in reality be in the depths of hell.
Learns you a lot.
Learns you a lot.