Prepare well for potential prison sentence
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Husband, has served nearly 12 months of a 14 month sentence and I want to just share some learning for those of you preparing for the possibility of prison. As it really is a terrible worry.
I could go on about solicitors and court, but I won’t. Just consider everything very carefully, don’t get pushed into something you don’t believe is right. However, you must do what you need to do to get through the ordeal. No one is thinking straight at this time and you just need to do the best you can to survive. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
So prison. At my insistence Husband prepared ahead, just in case, so his furniture and packed up belongings were able to be picked up by a removal company and placed into storage. He set up payments for this, which he could cancel, and forward dated emails, including one to cancel his flat. This worked well other than for his landlady who was not very happy as he should have told her, (of course he couldn’t as if there was no prison he didn’t want her to know his situation). She got my number from the estate agent (against data protection act) who he had emailed, and phoned me to complain, she had also opened his post (criminal act) so knew what was going on!! Another distressing ordeal. So learning point here, check contract and do as much as possible without giving up information.
He had also suspended all payments from his account, except for his mobile phone bill, and storage, and a credit card, which he knew he reinstate if no prison.
He mistakenly thought his solicitor would help return his lease car, on the day of sentencing they said they would help him. All they did was post me his car keys leaving his car outside court! It was not easy for me to sort this out, It took me months, many friends, a letter of authority from husband in prison, which took days, and a lot of stress to get the car returned and final bill paid on his behalf. I would suggest return of cars before court, or at least give authority to lease company for someone to deal on his behalf.
All was quiet then, until last weekend, when, out of the blue, I had a letter at my home (also his for many years) from a debt collector who had bought a debt from his mobile phone! His mobile company had never written to him here! That sent me into a spin, as I thought something had gone wrong with his account and he may have lost all his money and also all his possessions through non payment of storage fees…there was no link to this address for this. I called a few helplines who panicked me further, as debts may impact me too as I am at this address. They also advised
me that accounts of any sort can be suspended after a period of inactivity and non response from emails etc. I have looked into this and it is correct. Makes me so mad that people in prison can lose everything if they have no support, and even if they do! So, check all contracts, get phones passed to you, account numbers, passwords, authority etc.
All is now sorted thankfully, we’ll, all that I know of anyway. It was not a big debt so I paid it off, I also managed to get confirmation that storage unit was still being paid, by offering to pay any outstanding bills. So that is a relief. But was very stressful to handle.
Anyway. Everyone’s situation is different. This was mine as someone who is separated but still supporting. He did not give me general authority to deal with his affairs. This would have saved a lot of stress.
Just hope I may help someone preparing for the future to help them avoid undue stress and anxiety!
xx
I could go on about solicitors and court, but I won’t. Just consider everything very carefully, don’t get pushed into something you don’t believe is right. However, you must do what you need to do to get through the ordeal. No one is thinking straight at this time and you just need to do the best you can to survive. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
So prison. At my insistence Husband prepared ahead, just in case, so his furniture and packed up belongings were able to be picked up by a removal company and placed into storage. He set up payments for this, which he could cancel, and forward dated emails, including one to cancel his flat. This worked well other than for his landlady who was not very happy as he should have told her, (of course he couldn’t as if there was no prison he didn’t want her to know his situation). She got my number from the estate agent (against data protection act) who he had emailed, and phoned me to complain, she had also opened his post (criminal act) so knew what was going on!! Another distressing ordeal. So learning point here, check contract and do as much as possible without giving up information.
He had also suspended all payments from his account, except for his mobile phone bill, and storage, and a credit card, which he knew he reinstate if no prison.
He mistakenly thought his solicitor would help return his lease car, on the day of sentencing they said they would help him. All they did was post me his car keys leaving his car outside court! It was not easy for me to sort this out, It took me months, many friends, a letter of authority from husband in prison, which took days, and a lot of stress to get the car returned and final bill paid on his behalf. I would suggest return of cars before court, or at least give authority to lease company for someone to deal on his behalf.
All was quiet then, until last weekend, when, out of the blue, I had a letter at my home (also his for many years) from a debt collector who had bought a debt from his mobile phone! His mobile company had never written to him here! That sent me into a spin, as I thought something had gone wrong with his account and he may have lost all his money and also all his possessions through non payment of storage fees…there was no link to this address for this. I called a few helplines who panicked me further, as debts may impact me too as I am at this address. They also advised
me that accounts of any sort can be suspended after a period of inactivity and non response from emails etc. I have looked into this and it is correct. Makes me so mad that people in prison can lose everything if they have no support, and even if they do! So, check all contracts, get phones passed to you, account numbers, passwords, authority etc.
All is now sorted thankfully, we’ll, all that I know of anyway. It was not a big debt so I paid it off, I also managed to get confirmation that storage unit was still being paid, by offering to pay any outstanding bills. So that is a relief. But was very stressful to handle.
Anyway. Everyone’s situation is different. This was mine as someone who is separated but still supporting. He did not give me general authority to deal with his affairs. This would have saved a lot of stress.
Just hope I may help someone preparing for the future to help them avoid undue stress and anxiety!
xx
Thanks for posting this Tabs.
My partner will very very likely be in prison in 5 weeks time. He, like your partner, has done a lot to prepare so he doesn't burden anyone outside. Even doing this there are things he can't wrap up - like the sale of his home. He's handed these things over to someone he trusts, but there is always the chance that it other things come up and that it might all become too much and that my decide they can't do it, so we'd like to avoid anything unexpected.
We think he's covered everything, he just has payment set up for his storage, mobile phone and insurances. It's so hard to think of everything and there is always the chance that something will be missed.
When you say inactivity - is this what had happened in your ex's case or was it something else?
It upsets me too how people could loose everything if they didn't have someone on the outside helping them or back up resources to support them whilst in prison.
My partner will very very likely be in prison in 5 weeks time. He, like your partner, has done a lot to prepare so he doesn't burden anyone outside. Even doing this there are things he can't wrap up - like the sale of his home. He's handed these things over to someone he trusts, but there is always the chance that it other things come up and that it might all become too much and that my decide they can't do it, so we'd like to avoid anything unexpected.
We think he's covered everything, he just has payment set up for his storage, mobile phone and insurances. It's so hard to think of everything and there is always the chance that something will be missed.
When you say inactivity - is this what had happened in your ex's case or was it something else?
It upsets me too how people could loose everything if they didn't have someone on the outside helping them or back up resources to support them whilst in prison.
Hi Sal,
I'm not sure how arrears happened, could be that he cancelled DD in error, and just by chance I learned about 'inactivity policies'. But worth checking out. His supplier cancels everything, including his number, after 180 days, and he had no idea. He will now need a Phone on release. It was suggested that he gets a 1p mobile
https://www.1pmobile.com/index.taf?cprefs=agree
I had never heard of this....
You can see how people get into trouble, released with very little money and no means of communication!
I do hope that your partner doesn't get a custodial. But best to plan as if he is. It's all so inconsistent, so much depends on one individual judge, and their views, which is so wrong.
Whatever happens you will get through it. I have. I could not have imagined doing it, but you somehow find the strength.
xxx
I'm not sure how arrears happened, could be that he cancelled DD in error, and just by chance I learned about 'inactivity policies'. But worth checking out. His supplier cancels everything, including his number, after 180 days, and he had no idea. He will now need a Phone on release. It was suggested that he gets a 1p mobile
https://www.1pmobile.com/index.taf?cprefs=agree
I had never heard of this....
You can see how people get into trouble, released with very little money and no means of communication!
I do hope that your partner doesn't get a custodial. But best to plan as if he is. It's all so inconsistent, so much depends on one individual judge, and their views, which is so wrong.
Whatever happens you will get through it. I have. I could not have imagined doing it, but you somehow find the strength.
xxx
I really have no idea whether we should be preparing fora custodial sentence or not. I find myself assuming it will be custodial just to protect myself. Thank you for talking so openly about your experience. X
Thanks - Do you know if he was on a PAYG contract whilst in prison or pay monthly? He'd really like to hold onto his mobile number for when he comes out.
Unfortunately there is no chances he'll get anything less than an immediately custodial, all we can hope it's as short as possible.
Its a funny thing, literally counting down the days until he's gone. We've booked a weekend away (mainly I need a break from the whirlwind that has been the last 3 months - I want to be away from my house, his house, the momories and hopes that come with it) seems like such a strange thing to be doing, not quite as dramatic but a bit like a final meal on death row.
Unfortunately there is no chances he'll get anything less than an immediately custodial, all we can hope it's as short as possible.
Its a funny thing, literally counting down the days until he's gone. We've booked a weekend away (mainly I need a break from the whirlwind that has been the last 3 months - I want to be away from my house, his house, the momories and hopes that come with it) seems like such a strange thing to be doing, not quite as dramatic but a bit like a final meal on death row.
Janie3005 as horrible as it is, there is some relief for me knowing that it'll definitely be custodial. I'm terrible with uncertainties. I think the general rule is plan for the worst, hope for the best.
We've planned for a long sentence, but hoping for a shorter one.
We've planned for a long sentence, but hoping for a shorter one.
Janie, he was told to expect suspended, backed up by probation recommendations etc, so did come as a huge shock, but as I say I did ask him to prepare for prison just in case as he moved quite a distance away and it was during covid restrictions too.
I am happy to share my experiences, I was a very active user of this forum, it was a lifeline to me so I feel a duty to pay back!
However, I do try not to let this consume me now, so just pop back occasionally. I have to put my mental health first.
Sal, it was a monthly contract. It's worth looking at the providers terms.
xx
I am happy to share my experiences, I was a very active user of this forum, it was a lifeline to me so I feel a duty to pay back!
However, I do try not to let this consume me now, so just pop back occasionally. I have to put my mental health first.
Sal, it was a monthly contract. It's worth looking at the providers terms.
xx
Hi Tabs
I remember reading your posts and I cannot believe how fast time has gone ( it probably doesn't feel like that for you) I am so glad hubby is nearing the end of his sentence and wish him all the best as he rebuilds himself and having you still there to support him shows how lucky he is to still have you supporting
We are nearly at sentancing it's been 22 months,
Take care xx
I remember reading your posts and I cannot believe how fast time has gone ( it probably doesn't feel like that for you) I am so glad hubby is nearing the end of his sentence and wish him all the best as he rebuilds himself and having you still there to support him shows how lucky he is to still have you supporting
We are nearly at sentancing it's been 22 months,
Take care xx
Hi Tabs thanks for sharing. Did solicitor advise you whether she thought prison or not?
may I ask what the charge was?
may I ask what the charge was?
Thanks for the update and learning points. Sal, it sounds as if you have been amazing in your support.
We have Power of Attorney for each other so we can manage each other's financial and welfare interests if one is incapable of doing so. Although the welfare bit can only be registered if the party has lost mental or physical capacity, the financial bit can be used straightaway. We actually took this out several years ago never thinking we would be in this position. Of course entering into such an arrangement indicates complete trust between the two of you ,which is another story.
We have Power of Attorney for each other so we can manage each other's financial and welfare interests if one is incapable of doing so. Although the welfare bit can only be registered if the party has lost mental or physical capacity, the financial bit can be used straightaway. We actually took this out several years ago never thinking we would be in this position. Of course entering into such an arrangement indicates complete trust between the two of you ,which is another story.
Thank you Upset Mum, that means a lot!
Jay Jay. He was arrested following live-streamed sting at meet up with 13 yo (a decoy). Nothing else illegal found on any devices. He had been, unbeknown to me, chatting on adult chat rooms and meeting women for sex, he had a sex addiction.
He was suffering with lots of physical health issues, obviously known to me and was experiencing stress with his family and his work, where he ran a multi National business. But he also had mental health issues which he hid, as I don’t think he recognised them himself at the time, including bullying from his boss. Therapy and physiological evaluations uncovered childhood abuse, lack of self esteem and confidence etc. and no attraction to underage.
The advice was to plead guilty, as if he went to trial it would be costly (he had already paid many thousands for specialist advice) and risky due to sentencing guidelines. He was expected to receive a suspended sentence. However his case went to court a year ago when Sarah Everard murder was high on everyone’s thoughts, and also the judge was someone involved in the changing legislation to treat decoys as real children. I think he may also have been in a bad mood as he took no notice of probation recommendations, character references, therapist and physiologist reports!!!
So sorry to those that read this and panic. But it is what happened and it is best to prepare for this. It really seems to be down to individual judges and how they feel at that time…which I think is totally wrong given the impacts on many lives.
Judith, great that you have that in place. Will save many hours and also take away some additional stress that you don’t need.
Wishing you all well in your journeys. Rest assured I am working in the background to try and improve things for us innocents who are forgotten victims in this. I do this to try and make something good come out this awful experience.
xxx
Jay Jay. He was arrested following live-streamed sting at meet up with 13 yo (a decoy). Nothing else illegal found on any devices. He had been, unbeknown to me, chatting on adult chat rooms and meeting women for sex, he had a sex addiction.
He was suffering with lots of physical health issues, obviously known to me and was experiencing stress with his family and his work, where he ran a multi National business. But he also had mental health issues which he hid, as I don’t think he recognised them himself at the time, including bullying from his boss. Therapy and physiological evaluations uncovered childhood abuse, lack of self esteem and confidence etc. and no attraction to underage.
The advice was to plead guilty, as if he went to trial it would be costly (he had already paid many thousands for specialist advice) and risky due to sentencing guidelines. He was expected to receive a suspended sentence. However his case went to court a year ago when Sarah Everard murder was high on everyone’s thoughts, and also the judge was someone involved in the changing legislation to treat decoys as real children. I think he may also have been in a bad mood as he took no notice of probation recommendations, character references, therapist and physiologist reports!!!
So sorry to those that read this and panic. But it is what happened and it is best to prepare for this. It really seems to be down to individual judges and how they feel at that time…which I think is totally wrong given the impacts on many lives.
Judith, great that you have that in place. Will save many hours and also take away some additional stress that you don’t need.
Wishing you all well in your journeys. Rest assured I am working in the background to try and improve things for us innocents who are forgotten victims in this. I do this to try and make something good come out this awful experience.
xxx
Unfortunately one key bit of advice I give to those on this journey is to prepare for worst (custodial). I didn't find this forum until after my partner was sentenced and so we bummbled along doing the best we could to get him effective rehabilitation and keeping it all secret and getting on with our lives.
There was no real support to help my partner prepare for prison. He was advised in what to pack in a bag on the day. The rest we just googled and thought we were prepared when it comes to money and such obligations.
My partner got suspended, and looking back if he was sent to prison I would have been so lost as it ended up being a rush and my partner didn't have everything sorted. There was no offer of support for me for just in case he did go to prison. I also had no one on my side of family and friends aware of what was going on.
I assume there are organisations that can help, maybe even citizen advice bureau? I would encourage those who see this thread and in the situation of waiting sentencing to look into making a plan and getting all arrangements sorted.
There was no real support to help my partner prepare for prison. He was advised in what to pack in a bag on the day. The rest we just googled and thought we were prepared when it comes to money and such obligations.
My partner got suspended, and looking back if he was sent to prison I would have been so lost as it ended up being a rush and my partner didn't have everything sorted. There was no offer of support for me for just in case he did go to prison. I also had no one on my side of family and friends aware of what was going on.
I assume there are organisations that can help, maybe even citizen advice bureau? I would encourage those who see this thread and in the situation of waiting sentencing to look into making a plan and getting all arrangements sorted.