Need to rant
Notifications OFF
Apologies in advance but just need to get this out. I am so so cross, upset and angry that the police can just come in one morning, change your life in seconds and leave without any further support, help or updates for months. To make matters worse I wasn't in the house when the police came so I only have what my partner is telling me to go on. Every morning I wake up with the same anxious sick feeling wondering if today will be the day I might hear something about what is going on! It's been almost 10 months now with nothing. I don't understand how this is fair. My partner has had councilling, therapy sessions etc, done the Safer lives course.
I have done some of the safer life groups which have been helpful. Approached stop so for counseling and one rung me and wanted £80 every week which I certainly can't afford what with the price of solicitors, his therapy etc and made me feel awful that I couldn't afford it and haven't heard from anyone else since.
I haven't decided whether I am staying with him or leaving. I feel like my life is in a massive limbo and I have no clue what is going on. How can they leave people waiting for months. (No children so I cannot imagine how people with families cope).
Just needed to let this out. I would like to think I'm doing as ok as I can be, managing to work still and continue to put a on a brave face every day but I'm not sure how much longer I have got in me with this constant unknown!
And breath. Have a good day x
I have done some of the safer life groups which have been helpful. Approached stop so for counseling and one rung me and wanted £80 every week which I certainly can't afford what with the price of solicitors, his therapy etc and made me feel awful that I couldn't afford it and haven't heard from anyone else since.
I haven't decided whether I am staying with him or leaving. I feel like my life is in a massive limbo and I have no clue what is going on. How can they leave people waiting for months. (No children so I cannot imagine how people with families cope).
Just needed to let this out. I would like to think I'm doing as ok as I can be, managing to work still and continue to put a on a brave face every day but I'm not sure how much longer I have got in me with this constant unknown!
And breath. Have a good day x
Hey Confused,
I totally agree, it's so unfair how we are treated and also our partners/sons etc. I really don't understand how they can be left for so long if apparently they're such a danger, it makes no sense. It hopefully shouldn't be too much longer for you to get the charges (if any) and then at least you know what you're dealing with and can begin to make decisions. It's so hard for us because as you alluded, you never know what is truth! We've had charges now and should hopefully never have the Police here again but even now I still jump at car doors slamming and won't answer the door without going to the window first, I don't think I will ever get over that but I am planning to get a Ring doorbell and put a sign up to make sure nobody knocks to see if that helps. It bloody awful! Hope you get some answers soon. Sending love xx
I totally agree, it's so unfair how we are treated and also our partners/sons etc. I really don't understand how they can be left for so long if apparently they're such a danger, it makes no sense. It hopefully shouldn't be too much longer for you to get the charges (if any) and then at least you know what you're dealing with and can begin to make decisions. It's so hard for us because as you alluded, you never know what is truth! We've had charges now and should hopefully never have the Police here again but even now I still jump at car doors slamming and won't answer the door without going to the window first, I don't think I will ever get over that but I am planning to get a Ring doorbell and put a sign up to make sure nobody knocks to see if that helps. It bloody awful! Hope you get some answers soon. Sending love xx
Post deleted by user
Yep, totally agree. My son was at university when he got the knock - he was doing amazingly and then all his devices were seized and he lost much of his work. I even asked the police if they could let us have a folder from his laptop so that he could continue to study; they agreed but then couldn't make it happen. Whilst I understand that he's done wrong, how does it serve him/us/the community - we're 9 months post-knock and still in limbo. Luckily he's shown great resilience and with our support has been able to continue his degree (as well as doing therapy etc) but it could have gone very differently as I know it has for many on here. Where's the incentive to rebuild your life - the system seems set just to cause more damage. xx
Post deleted by user
Post deleted
I'm only at the start of our personal journey here so can't add much in terms of substance to this post. However already it's evident that everything very much depends on the particular individual professional across the board that you are dealing with.
The officers that arrived at our home at the time of the knock, were thankfully very respectful, sympathetic and understanding to myself and my child. However their knowledge of timescales surrounding other services appears to be inaccurate, and the realisation of how "life can resume during that period while the investigation is taking place" seems to be unrealistic. We were due to get married abroad In a couple of months. The police on the day of the knock advised there's no reason why that wouldn't still be able to go ahead as planned and not to put our lives on hold? However I'm unsure how else you can naturally react to a waiting game that nobody has any clue on the timescale or outcome.
I was advised by one of the officers whom had visited initially that bail restrictions were not being extended. Given it was unusual to only sieze one device and that we have a young child in the family home, the case would be dealt with much quicker than most weeks to months but not years. "We want understand the impact this has and we are keen where possible to close cases as quickly as possibly so you and your family can get back to normal". However the following day my partners solicitor was initially advised bail restrictions had been extended for 6 months??? Then an hour later advised they had been removed but partners case would not be classed as a priority and therefore we would be looking at around 8 months to a year for the single device to be searched?
I understand there is no doubt a lot of work and time that needs to go into the investigation of screening devices. However this is the part that causes most anxiety upset, stress and uncertainty to individuals...in that I'm also referring to the partners, families and children now involved in this awful situation. Evidently they need to increase the team that supports within this particular field, so that risk can be accurately and realistically assessed rather than as stated above just another case being ticked off the list.
The impact this has on those around those being investigated is catastrophic. There is minimal support available (ignoring this site) that is out there, which doesn't leave those innocent yet caught up in this feeling like they are being tarnished, targeted and punished. Every individual case is different, and the punishment and process delivered to each appears to reflect that. However it is very disappointing to see that the process partners and family members face, seems to be all to similar generally a negative tick box activity.
Sorry jumping on the bandwagon here.
The officers that arrived at our home at the time of the knock, were thankfully very respectful, sympathetic and understanding to myself and my child. However their knowledge of timescales surrounding other services appears to be inaccurate, and the realisation of how "life can resume during that period while the investigation is taking place" seems to be unrealistic. We were due to get married abroad In a couple of months. The police on the day of the knock advised there's no reason why that wouldn't still be able to go ahead as planned and not to put our lives on hold? However I'm unsure how else you can naturally react to a waiting game that nobody has any clue on the timescale or outcome.
I was advised by one of the officers whom had visited initially that bail restrictions were not being extended. Given it was unusual to only sieze one device and that we have a young child in the family home, the case would be dealt with much quicker than most weeks to months but not years. "We want understand the impact this has and we are keen where possible to close cases as quickly as possibly so you and your family can get back to normal". However the following day my partners solicitor was initially advised bail restrictions had been extended for 6 months??? Then an hour later advised they had been removed but partners case would not be classed as a priority and therefore we would be looking at around 8 months to a year for the single device to be searched?
I understand there is no doubt a lot of work and time that needs to go into the investigation of screening devices. However this is the part that causes most anxiety upset, stress and uncertainty to individuals...in that I'm also referring to the partners, families and children now involved in this awful situation. Evidently they need to increase the team that supports within this particular field, so that risk can be accurately and realistically assessed rather than as stated above just another case being ticked off the list.
The impact this has on those around those being investigated is catastrophic. There is minimal support available (ignoring this site) that is out there, which doesn't leave those innocent yet caught up in this feeling like they are being tarnished, targeted and punished. Every individual case is different, and the punishment and process delivered to each appears to reflect that. However it is very disappointing to see that the process partners and family members face, seems to be all to similar generally a negative tick box activity.
Sorry jumping on the bandwagon here.
The knock! They enter with a search warrent but dont give you details other than they are here to arrest your adult son
I'm on my knees in a state of shock and the tears are streaming down my face! Confusion, shock,disbelief, no idea what is happening then they bring your son downstairs no time to speak to him apart from him saying I'm sorry mum! They take him away and leave behind that bomb that came in with them!
Yes he has done wrong , yes he has taken responsibility for his actions but how in earth do the rest of us get over this We dont we just learn to live this new existence for me it's just I am completely engulfed in sadness!
What a journey we have found ourselves on xx
I'm on my knees in a state of shock and the tears are streaming down my face! Confusion, shock,disbelief, no idea what is happening then they bring your son downstairs no time to speak to him apart from him saying I'm sorry mum! They take him away and leave behind that bomb that came in with them!
Yes he has done wrong , yes he has taken responsibility for his actions but how in earth do the rest of us get over this We dont we just learn to live this new existence for me it's just I am completely engulfed in sadness!
What a journey we have found ourselves on xx
Horrible times for sure ladies x
Upset mum
I could of wrote that, exactly the same wen they came at 6.30am for my son, the spark went out of me that day and 6 years on has never really returned, very sad
I could of wrote that, exactly the same wen they came at 6.30am for my son, the spark went out of me that day and 6 years on has never really returned, very sad
Hi Nonna,
We had the knock also at 06.30 nothing can prepare you for what follows xx
We had the knock also at 06.30 nothing can prepare you for what follows xx
Yes I'm sure it was around that time for us too.... must their chosen time to terrify people!
Upset mum
The great news is though he retrained life is good for him now , not prob going to be as easy for him through life as possibly would of been without this label, but hopefully he will get over hurdles if and wen he comes up against them , just posting this as a positive , please reassure your sons and partners they can find a new way xx
The great news is though he retrained life is good for him now , not prob going to be as easy for him through life as possibly would of been without this label, but hopefully he will get over hurdles if and wen he comes up against them , just posting this as a positive , please reassure your sons and partners they can find a new way xx