SS ?!?!?
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I just wanted to ask for advice and for others to share their experiences so I may have a slight indication of expectations moving forward.
We are currently still awaiting the assessment to be completed by SS following "the knock". Which came just under 2 months ago. We have made decisions and put steps in place away from guidance from professionals involved off our own back. To support our situation, and prevent further disruption to our young child.
At the point of the knock we were advised SS would be in touch the same day...3 days later (after we had chased them). We got informed they will be attending the home to complete an assessment. As "we feel this will be the best outcome for you, to help remove the bail restrictions currently in place to help support you and your family to get the outcome you are hoping for". 3 weeks later after no contact and chasing SS again (after they failed to arrive for an arranged home visit, with not even so much of an apology or call to rearrange!!). SS finally arrive at the home. Asess the home conditions, myself/ my intentions and engage with my child. SS appear positive and advice they observe no concerns within the home. However advise they will need to see our child in nursery to complete the assessment
Since this point no further contact from SS. They have not attended school to meet with our child (which would imply they are not yet anywhere near completing their assessment). Despite being aware that all bail restrictions have been lifted (3 weeks ago). Therefore Dad could have returned home, and we could have been living back as a family again. It has been our choice to continue with our previous arrangement in place. Whilst dad accesses the right support for his own mental health, to reduce the impact to our child seeing daddy struggling. However our contact and communication is still constant, we didn't feel dad returning to potentially have to leave again dependant on the assessment outcome would be positive for anyone.
I appreciate that professionals need to manage and asses risk, as per their protocols and systems in place. However, i see from so many posts on here that the partners and mothers that get caught up in these situations. Are left trying to put together the shattered pieces, and move forward. Constantly playing fiddle to the waiting game. Surely as professionals they should be looking at the impact this lengthy process with no indication of which way things will go, is having a further detrimental impact on children and mothers...who are already struggling to keep things as normal as possible!
Should SS state in their assessment that dad should not return home...can I ask what ground do I have to argue this? given this would mean for the last 3 weeks (and however many weeks moving forward until the assessment is completed) that dad could have been back with NO RESTRICTIONS in place. Which i feel therfore questions any concern or threat/risk of harm, implying that the risk wasn't there during the assessment period??
I am jumping the gun here as for all I know we could recieve the assessment, and it state no concern. However I feel this is highly unlikely given the umbrella stigma attached to the offence, regardless of the circumstances which surround each individual case.
My rant is to ask of any positive or unexpected outcomes to come from SS assessments? As from what I am reading, Despite every case being very unique and individual and the outcomes varying substantially. It appears that SS have a bit more of a uniformed approach/guidance that they follow. I am aware of the circumstances and am standing by my partner, and therefore i am maintaining our relationship, and am supporting the relationship with our daughter and her father as before.
We are currently still awaiting the assessment to be completed by SS following "the knock". Which came just under 2 months ago. We have made decisions and put steps in place away from guidance from professionals involved off our own back. To support our situation, and prevent further disruption to our young child.
At the point of the knock we were advised SS would be in touch the same day...3 days later (after we had chased them). We got informed they will be attending the home to complete an assessment. As "we feel this will be the best outcome for you, to help remove the bail restrictions currently in place to help support you and your family to get the outcome you are hoping for". 3 weeks later after no contact and chasing SS again (after they failed to arrive for an arranged home visit, with not even so much of an apology or call to rearrange!!). SS finally arrive at the home. Asess the home conditions, myself/ my intentions and engage with my child. SS appear positive and advice they observe no concerns within the home. However advise they will need to see our child in nursery to complete the assessment
Since this point no further contact from SS. They have not attended school to meet with our child (which would imply they are not yet anywhere near completing their assessment). Despite being aware that all bail restrictions have been lifted (3 weeks ago). Therefore Dad could have returned home, and we could have been living back as a family again. It has been our choice to continue with our previous arrangement in place. Whilst dad accesses the right support for his own mental health, to reduce the impact to our child seeing daddy struggling. However our contact and communication is still constant, we didn't feel dad returning to potentially have to leave again dependant on the assessment outcome would be positive for anyone.
I appreciate that professionals need to manage and asses risk, as per their protocols and systems in place. However, i see from so many posts on here that the partners and mothers that get caught up in these situations. Are left trying to put together the shattered pieces, and move forward. Constantly playing fiddle to the waiting game. Surely as professionals they should be looking at the impact this lengthy process with no indication of which way things will go, is having a further detrimental impact on children and mothers...who are already struggling to keep things as normal as possible!
Should SS state in their assessment that dad should not return home...can I ask what ground do I have to argue this? given this would mean for the last 3 weeks (and however many weeks moving forward until the assessment is completed) that dad could have been back with NO RESTRICTIONS in place. Which i feel therfore questions any concern or threat/risk of harm, implying that the risk wasn't there during the assessment period??
I am jumping the gun here as for all I know we could recieve the assessment, and it state no concern. However I feel this is highly unlikely given the umbrella stigma attached to the offence, regardless of the circumstances which surround each individual case.
My rant is to ask of any positive or unexpected outcomes to come from SS assessments? As from what I am reading, Despite every case being very unique and individual and the outcomes varying substantially. It appears that SS have a bit more of a uniformed approach/guidance that they follow. I am aware of the circumstances and am standing by my partner, and therefore i am maintaining our relationship, and am supporting the relationship with our daughter and her father as before.
Lee1969
Nothing as of yet as they haven't completed their assessment. I'm just preempting what's to come.
Nothing as of yet as they haven't completed their assessment. I'm just preempting what's to come.
hi Tina
we are awaiting charges. Ss assessment recently completed, it took about 3 months.
They told us we don't need a cpp plan as he is living elsewhere and having supervised contact only and I am being pro active in safeguarding (PANTS internet safety, safety plan etc) so I was shocked that 1. they said he cannot come home until after investigation finishes (this is in case investigation churns up anything else) and even then it would be part police's decision (ie SHPO). And 2. We have a CIN plan - I did disagree with this as oh is not having unsupervised contact and children have not been exposed to anything they shouldn't therefore I have taken the risk away.
they said it was more monitoring and support for me why they were keeping us open for a while longer and becos I refuse to tell children what their father has done - even though they said they have no worries about me and I said contact from them gives me great anxiety!
I can't believe you are having to chase ss yourself, mine hounded us until I made a complaint about about unnecessary contact.
anthing I can help with regards to ss please ask, I feel like I'm an expect with them at the moment. I've gone 4 whole days without contact from them! ????
we are awaiting charges. Ss assessment recently completed, it took about 3 months.
They told us we don't need a cpp plan as he is living elsewhere and having supervised contact only and I am being pro active in safeguarding (PANTS internet safety, safety plan etc) so I was shocked that 1. they said he cannot come home until after investigation finishes (this is in case investigation churns up anything else) and even then it would be part police's decision (ie SHPO). And 2. We have a CIN plan - I did disagree with this as oh is not having unsupervised contact and children have not been exposed to anything they shouldn't therefore I have taken the risk away.
they said it was more monitoring and support for me why they were keeping us open for a while longer and becos I refuse to tell children what their father has done - even though they said they have no worries about me and I said contact from them gives me great anxiety!
I can't believe you are having to chase ss yourself, mine hounded us until I made a complaint about about unnecessary contact.
anthing I can help with regards to ss please ask, I feel like I'm an expect with them at the moment. I've gone 4 whole days without contact from them! ????
Thanks for replying.
No nothing signed at present they obviously won't give any indication of what they expect to put in the assessment.
My frustration comes with the fact I fully expect they will either close us at present given partner is not living local-so therefore all contact will always be supervised given our child's age. Or will be open to a cin plan in case anything changes and dad wants to return home which I can only imagine they will try to prevent and 8f closed then reopen.
I haven't completed any training myself yet or safety plan as if I'm honest (I will but really feel its unfair that I should have to...iv not done anything wrong so shouldn't be penalised). We as parents have made the decision for dad not to return home to reduce the exposure of our child of dads current mental health and emotional well being. Given my own employment position, i have completed extensive training on CSE etc and identifying risks...once again we are left defending ourselves when our parenting would never before have been even glanced at. But this incident we have found ourselves in, means we are now in the firing line. Love/loyalty to our partners or not no decent parent is going to put their child at risk...where there is a genuine risk. Its heartbreaking to have to defend and evidence that not every one on their radar is a monster. SS have a job to do and a duty to safeguard I understand...but my argument will be why do the assessment in the first place if the outcome will be a blanket approach given to everyone, given the nature of the offence being investigated...(1 isolated incident unknown link downloaded. Nothing before nothing after).
Sorry all I'm ranting tonight and I don't even know the outcome I just feel I can see what is coming.
No nothing signed at present they obviously won't give any indication of what they expect to put in the assessment.
My frustration comes with the fact I fully expect they will either close us at present given partner is not living local-so therefore all contact will always be supervised given our child's age. Or will be open to a cin plan in case anything changes and dad wants to return home which I can only imagine they will try to prevent and 8f closed then reopen.
I haven't completed any training myself yet or safety plan as if I'm honest (I will but really feel its unfair that I should have to...iv not done anything wrong so shouldn't be penalised). We as parents have made the decision for dad not to return home to reduce the exposure of our child of dads current mental health and emotional well being. Given my own employment position, i have completed extensive training on CSE etc and identifying risks...once again we are left defending ourselves when our parenting would never before have been even glanced at. But this incident we have found ourselves in, means we are now in the firing line. Love/loyalty to our partners or not no decent parent is going to put their child at risk...where there is a genuine risk. Its heartbreaking to have to defend and evidence that not every one on their radar is a monster. SS have a job to do and a duty to safeguard I understand...but my argument will be why do the assessment in the first place if the outcome will be a blanket approach given to everyone, given the nature of the offence being investigated...(1 isolated incident unknown link downloaded. Nothing before nothing after).
Sorry all I'm ranting tonight and I don't even know the outcome I just feel I can see what is coming.
No I agree and of course I will do what ever Is necessary to support my family. Its just so frustrating and upsetting. Iv seen a lot of posts about safety plans being completed. I may have misunderstood I assumed that it didn't need to be completed and provided until after SS initial assessment is completed?
I do appreciate the support suggestions and guidance on here. It's ashame SS don't access this forum to get a bit more of a personal idea of what it feels to be put under scrutiny through no fault of your own.
I do appreciate the support suggestions and guidance on here. It's ashame SS don't access this forum to get a bit more of a personal idea of what it feels to be put under scrutiny through no fault of your own.
Hi Tina,
I totally get how u feel, I have had a tough time with ss and if it wasn't for this forum I don't think I would be here today, I wish I had had this forum back in 2018 when my husband was first arrested as I don't think I would have gone through so much shit as I have had.
It is so frustrating as u say we have done nothing wrong but because we want to help our OH we get punished, I told my sw wat u have put me through these last 15 months has crushed my mental health but u don't care about me u never have I have never done any wrong yet u have made me feel like I'm a monster. I told her that never mind sending us on courses ( I.e LLF and some other course they were gonna send me on ) maybe u and ur staff should do them and gain more understanding. The answer I got was I'm sorry u feel that way. All utter bollocks she doesn't care about me or my kids tye trauma the kids go through not seeing there dad all the time.
Sorry I've ranted on ur post but I hear u and feel ur pain xxxx
I totally get how u feel, I have had a tough time with ss and if it wasn't for this forum I don't think I would be here today, I wish I had had this forum back in 2018 when my husband was first arrested as I don't think I would have gone through so much shit as I have had.
It is so frustrating as u say we have done nothing wrong but because we want to help our OH we get punished, I told my sw wat u have put me through these last 15 months has crushed my mental health but u don't care about me u never have I have never done any wrong yet u have made me feel like I'm a monster. I told her that never mind sending us on courses ( I.e LLF and some other course they were gonna send me on ) maybe u and ur staff should do them and gain more understanding. The answer I got was I'm sorry u feel that way. All utter bollocks she doesn't care about me or my kids tye trauma the kids go through not seeing there dad all the time.
Sorry I've ranted on ur post but I hear u and feel ur pain xxxx
Hi Lee 1969
I need some advise please . SS havnt bee involved for 8 months the police woman just said my partner can't be in the house , he has moved out and only supervised visits . Can't leave the room for the toliet ect . The police and social knocked on the door one day saying somone has seen my partner and daughter alone (which is 1000% not true) . They left and I didn't understand what was going on they sed they couldn't say anything on who said as it is confidential they asked my daught questions on her own she is 5 asking when she last saw daddy , was she alone ect . The social worker said she would ring the next day she didn't so I rang her 10 times and the police . I finally got an answer from the social worker she said the police have a picture of my daughter and partner in the car alone but the pictures unclear. I sed this is impossible I would of been in the back (daughter is used to sitting in the front now because we're normally alone in the car as we have lived seperate for 8 months from the dad) I normally sit in the back to keep the dog carm. She was nice enough in the phone but said my partner will never have unsupervised contact with his daughters (I'm due in 3 weeks) she said he will never untill there 18. Then the midwife called me the social has phoned the health board so there coming out tomorrow to do an assessment no ide what about I asume it's to see if the baby will be safe with me when returning home . Xxx
I need some advise please . SS havnt bee involved for 8 months the police woman just said my partner can't be in the house , he has moved out and only supervised visits . Can't leave the room for the toliet ect . The police and social knocked on the door one day saying somone has seen my partner and daughter alone (which is 1000% not true) . They left and I didn't understand what was going on they sed they couldn't say anything on who said as it is confidential they asked my daught questions on her own she is 5 asking when she last saw daddy , was she alone ect . The social worker said she would ring the next day she didn't so I rang her 10 times and the police . I finally got an answer from the social worker she said the police have a picture of my daughter and partner in the car alone but the pictures unclear. I sed this is impossible I would of been in the back (daughter is used to sitting in the front now because we're normally alone in the car as we have lived seperate for 8 months from the dad) I normally sit in the back to keep the dog carm. She was nice enough in the phone but said my partner will never have unsupervised contact with his daughters (I'm due in 3 weeks) she said he will never untill there 18. Then the midwife called me the social has phoned the health board so there coming out tomorrow to do an assessment no ide what about I asume it's to see if the baby will be safe with me when returning home . Xxx
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Thank you daffodil
Hi lee1969
Was arested for indecent images of children . Handed over phone ect said they were deleted . A folder was sent to him on Kik messenger .said he was guilty. He was released on bail . Not aloud at our address . He's out under investigation now as they had no reasons to extend bail. 8 months not heard a thing kept ringing the police for undates but she keeps saying there is delays . The social worker on the phone said it was a police camera or somthing she said she wasn't sure her self the police officer in charge of the case she could get hold of for all the details . I have asked for the time and date of the picture ect and the picture from the police wo I can prove I would of been in the back . Not a single friend or family know about the case or the arrest . Only me and my partner xx
Hi lee1969
Was arested for indecent images of children . Handed over phone ect said they were deleted . A folder was sent to him on Kik messenger .said he was guilty. He was released on bail . Not aloud at our address . He's out under investigation now as they had no reasons to extend bail. 8 months not heard a thing kept ringing the police for undates but she keeps saying there is delays . The social worker on the phone said it was a police camera or somthing she said she wasn't sure her self the police officer in charge of the case she could get hold of for all the details . I have asked for the time and date of the picture ect and the picture from the police wo I can prove I would of been in the back . Not a single friend or family know about the case or the arrest . Only me and my partner xx
We have heard nothing from the police :( I can't wait any longer . I'm due to give birth in 2 weeks and I just can't see a life after all of this . My little girl was sobbing in her room yesterday because the girls next door were playing in the garden and she wanted to go . She has never been over there and I don't want to start making close friends with all the nabours ect because when it all comes out they might be mad I've I voted the children to play ect (eveen know my partner doesn't live here) . I want my daughter to have a normal life and have friends over ect and soon this will never happen :(