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Telling the children

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seo1869

Member since
March 2022

1 post

Posted Thu March 17, 2022 3:19pmReport post

Hello

I am desperate for some advise.



My ex husband was arrested 4 years ago but my eldest child who is now 9 wants to know why daddy cannot be at home and what he has done.



Has anyone got any advise on how to tell the children about daddy's offense?



thank you

Jayjay

Member since
December 2021

695 posts

Posted Fri March 18, 2022 10:03pmReport post

Hi Seo

I have children similar age, awaiting charges. SW was adamant I had to tell children, I didn't want to yet, I said I will if/when I have to so got prepared and did their activities they requested I do. I haven't shown children it yet but once I wrote it on paper, it made things seem simpler. SW advised I need to be prepared for more questions like 'what did he look at' and made sure I did age appropriate internet safety which they do at school anyway.

I don't know your story - is husband living apart, are you togther or is he in prison - you'll need to tweak to suit your circumstances.

basically take a piece of paper and coloured pens,make it look pretty, draw some stick men etc, and it goes along the lines of:

1. this is X's story (child's name) - draw them
2. Mummy and Daddy love X very much. X and Mummy love baking togther, X and Daddy love painting togther. (Picture of baking and art)

3. X used to live with Mummy and Daddy and had lots of fun.

4. The police were concerned that Daddy looked at something online which he shouldn't have and decided tht Daddy needed to XYZ (live elsewhere/be punished/go away for a while to learn about internet safety) while X lives with Mummy.
5. Daddy still loves X Very much and will still see X/will see one day/whatever your circumstances is.

SW advised me to be as honest as possible in age appropriate language as if they find out or we tell them when older it can cause all sorts of problems and resentment.

Edited Fri March 18, 2022 10:04pm

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Sat March 19, 2022 8:23amReport post

To add to the great advice above I would suggest letting your other children know too, and suitable for their age. This is because it might confuse them if they realise a sibling knows more than them.

Does the dad have any contact? Or possible future contact? If so I recommend you let them know what you have told the children, or even better come to an agreement on how to let the kids know, to ensure there is consistency between you two as parents. Kids are very receptive and you don't want to break down trust. Honesty (age appropriate) is the best policy.

Vickie

Member since
November 2020

428 posts

Posted Sat March 26, 2022 7:37amReport post

How I told my 4 year old was by making a character up his name is timmy I then explained what timmy was going through,, I then explained what her daddy had done she then said timmys daddy is like my daddy and she writes to timmy and he writes back,, I did it this way cause I can't find any charity that bring children together to let them no their not alone at this young age and please I understand not condone it or trying to Normasies it but we are isolated without our children developing this skill so this is how I am doing it also timmy will grow with her to and it will always be age appropriate to xx

Distressed and pregnant

Member since
November 2020

1006 posts

Posted Thu September 29, 2022 10:50pmReport post

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