I can’t do this anymore
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I am at complete breaking point. I just don't know what to do. Ex was arrested 9 months ago now still under investigation. Apart from paying maintenance and seeing the kids for visits he gives me nothing, no reassurance, no clarity, it's all I don't know or I can't answer that. There is so much more around this too ... since his arrest for iioc I've since found out his has met many, many people online mostly men and had tried to start an affair with our next door neighbor and since the separation he's slept with a local women on a night out. I am at a loss here. He is a brilliant dad and the kids love him 3 and 1, I am finally breaking I feel like I can't move on with him in my life. He also works outside my house daily. I just want out of this absolute nightmare!! I don't want him in our lives but I then feel so incredibly guilty for taking him away from the kids. I just don't think mentally I will make it with him around.
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As above I didn't want to leave you without a reply. I can hear the dispair in your voice.
It seems that there are so many unanswered questions and it might be they are never answered (even after court if it ends up there).
If you aren't seeking some professional support, it sounds like it might really help unpick the new world you find yourself in and find a a way to process the unknowns. It's really such a horrible situation for anyone to find themselves in, even more so when you are left with so many unanswered questions. As so many people have said on this forum before, you need to put you and your children's needs first.
It seems that there are so many unanswered questions and it might be they are never answered (even after court if it ends up there).
If you aren't seeking some professional support, it sounds like it might really help unpick the new world you find yourself in and find a a way to process the unknowns. It's really such a horrible situation for anyone to find themselves in, even more so when you are left with so many unanswered questions. As so many people have said on this forum before, you need to put you and your children's needs first.
Hi ladies,
Thank you so much for replying. I've been in therapy since April last year before the arrest when I thought I was the problem in our relationship. I have weeks where I am fine a can do this for the kids to have stability and their dad still in around and then it's like reality knocks me flying and I can't cope. Deep down I've battled with myself about cutting all contact from day dot, I just keep hoping something might change. I know I am an all or nothing person, so this is so incredibly hard.
I think I struggle most with the lack of emotion, empathy and communication from my ex, the fact that myself and my family have to rally around for his visits 3 times a week out of two of them I cook dinner for him and the kids. He's working outside my house, I can hear him laughing and joking. I don't want him to miserable but I can't cope with him acting like nothing has happened and we've just had a standard break up. I just feel so mentally confused. Before all this come out I'd never trusted anyone so implicitly, he made out to be super grounded, loyal and knew what he wanted.
It's all so frustrating as I am sure you all know.
again thank you for replying xx
Thank you so much for replying. I've been in therapy since April last year before the arrest when I thought I was the problem in our relationship. I have weeks where I am fine a can do this for the kids to have stability and their dad still in around and then it's like reality knocks me flying and I can't cope. Deep down I've battled with myself about cutting all contact from day dot, I just keep hoping something might change. I know I am an all or nothing person, so this is so incredibly hard.
I think I struggle most with the lack of emotion, empathy and communication from my ex, the fact that myself and my family have to rally around for his visits 3 times a week out of two of them I cook dinner for him and the kids. He's working outside my house, I can hear him laughing and joking. I don't want him to miserable but I can't cope with him acting like nothing has happened and we've just had a standard break up. I just feel so mentally confused. Before all this come out I'd never trusted anyone so implicitly, he made out to be super grounded, loyal and knew what he wanted.
It's all so frustrating as I am sure you all know.
again thank you for replying xx
Missed a big part of that out.
as I said about stability with the kids. This is where I struggle. I know the kids love him and he is there at every visit without fail ... I know there are some that don't even bother. However, mentally it's killing me knowing what he's done without a second thought and with no real remorse or at least trying to gain any sort of trust back on a co parent level, I just don't understand. Like he has no consideration. It breaks me.
as I said about stability with the kids. This is where I struggle. I know the kids love him and he is there at every visit without fail ... I know there are some that don't even bother. However, mentally it's killing me knowing what he's done without a second thought and with no real remorse or at least trying to gain any sort of trust back on a co parent level, I just don't understand. Like he has no consideration. It breaks me.
Crazy, I do feel for you and I'm sure your situation would be so much easier if you didn't have your children to consider. I can understand you anger at lack of remorse or concern about what he has done - my other half is remorseful and did say he was sorry in the beginning, and I feel I can forgive, but not forget - but he makes me feel I'm the bad person in all of this for not letting go of it.
I hope that you can get some clarity on this and how you will manage the situation. I'm still working on the same thing.
I hope that you can get some clarity on this and how you will manage the situation. I'm still working on the same thing.