One year on from the knock
Notifications OFF
Can't believe it's been a whole year since the worst day of my life, but I'm still here! Still the final hurdle to go, plea hearing been put back 3 times now due to evidence not being sent to solicitors and we are contesting one of the charges. Me and my partner no longer live together but we have got closer than ever. He's stronger than ever and so open and honest with me so tgat really helped, I've had counselling, cwhich I probably wouldn't have had if it was for the knock, I hit rock bottom as I lost my twin a month before the knock too so have had a lot to deal with but here I am stronger than ever, our relationship is better than ever, he's a great guy who did a bad thing (communication with decoy). He's like a different person, we both are. Guess I just wanted to say this so anyone at the start of all this can see things do get better. You people are amazing I'm more of a lurker than a poster but I try to help when I can. All the information from this group had been invaluable to both our recovery.thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Hi Newlady
I'm more of a lurker than a poster too, and there have been countless times when I've read posts and thought "yeah, me too", or I have read someone's awful experience and my heart has gone out for them, or I have felt outrages on their behalf, but have not posted because I couldn't think of anything to say that would help. To those people, I'm sorry I didn't post words of support, because that might have helped to know you weren't alone, but I honestly didn't know what to say.
I've also read posts that have been incredibly informative on the process we are likely to go through, and what sort sort of things are likely to happen, and inspiring posts from people who are coping in the most extreme of circumstances or who ha e got through this to the other side and their lives now approach something resembling normal, so thank you to all of those people.
I feel like I am being tested to find out the limits of my endurance, and I feel like I have already gone beyond what I thought my limits were. I have drawn strength from this group and also feel I have also regained some of the spirit I feel that I had drained out of me on the day of the knock. This group is brilliant, just brilliant, because I think without it I would be in a very dark place. Thank you all.
I'm more of a lurker than a poster too, and there have been countless times when I've read posts and thought "yeah, me too", or I have read someone's awful experience and my heart has gone out for them, or I have felt outrages on their behalf, but have not posted because I couldn't think of anything to say that would help. To those people, I'm sorry I didn't post words of support, because that might have helped to know you weren't alone, but I honestly didn't know what to say.
I've also read posts that have been incredibly informative on the process we are likely to go through, and what sort sort of things are likely to happen, and inspiring posts from people who are coping in the most extreme of circumstances or who ha e got through this to the other side and their lives now approach something resembling normal, so thank you to all of those people.
I feel like I am being tested to find out the limits of my endurance, and I feel like I have already gone beyond what I thought my limits were. I have drawn strength from this group and also feel I have also regained some of the spirit I feel that I had drained out of me on the day of the knock. This group is brilliant, just brilliant, because I think without it I would be in a very dark place. Thank you all.
Hi bitter bean I know how you feel that dark place, I'd honestly no idea about any of these crimes, if I'm honest I would have been very black and white on it but I've learnt so much and I'm not judgemebral to anything anymore, there's always a bigger picture and it's actually helped me be better at my job (midwife) I see people from all walks of life. I really hope your on your way up from Rock bottom now it takes a long time but one step at a time. You've got this x
Post deleted by user
Post deleted by user
Lee it's a very complex subject and worthy of a documentary style expose, so people can learn about these crimes, how the police/legal system/courts/social workers/the media etc treat offenders, how effective (or not) it is in protecting children, and how the whole system could be improved.
You speak about not being ashamed, I see a lot of shame in many posts on here, and I feel shame myself, but you are right, none of us should be or feel ashamed, because we have done nothing shamewortthy.
You speak about not being ashamed, I see a lot of shame in many posts on here, and I feel shame myself, but you are right, none of us should be or feel ashamed, because we have done nothing shamewortthy.
Ahh Bitterne an I hope your mood improves soon, all of this is do overwhelming and Lee I totally get what you're saying about being proud of your man for how hard he's worked, I feel the exact same , I'm so proud of how far he's come, I just hope at sentencing it doesn't bring him back down but I'll be here for him. As for Shane? Yes I did feel it especially at the start but now I'm well educated in this crime and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. They don't know our journey.
Post deleted by user
Hey ladies,
Hope you're all doing ok. It's a couple of days away from it being the year anniversary and it's made me realise how much of what should've been nothing other than our honeymoon period has been overshadowed by anxiety, upset and stress. We'll have been together 2 years in April. Regardless of the situation or outcome I feel like a sentence begins the day you get that knock and as women (especially with children) we carry the burden of it whilst also being strong and holding everything together. You're all incredible! I've still no news, chasing up the solicitor this week whilst we await the next hearing to see if the prosecution can provide actual evidence. I've been holding onto a bottle of champagne since Xmas 2020 and have decided it's being saved for the day this nightmare ends (God willing) but nothing will ever make up for or take back the last year. Anyways, we plod on and keep each other in our thoughts daily. Sending love to you all xx
Hope you're all doing ok. It's a couple of days away from it being the year anniversary and it's made me realise how much of what should've been nothing other than our honeymoon period has been overshadowed by anxiety, upset and stress. We'll have been together 2 years in April. Regardless of the situation or outcome I feel like a sentence begins the day you get that knock and as women (especially with children) we carry the burden of it whilst also being strong and holding everything together. You're all incredible! I've still no news, chasing up the solicitor this week whilst we await the next hearing to see if the prosecution can provide actual evidence. I've been holding onto a bottle of champagne since Xmas 2020 and have decided it's being saved for the day this nightmare ends (God willing) but nothing will ever make up for or take back the last year. Anyways, we plod on and keep each other in our thoughts daily. Sending love to you all xx
Post deleted by user
BitterBean I feel similar to this too. In fact I feel completely lost. I don't know where I'm heading or even where I want it to head. I'm exhausted of telling lies to people, so much that I've actually just isolated myself from anyone that cares or may ask any kind of reasonable questions. I don't recognise myself. I feel lifeless. I feel so lonely. I've told my parents and a good friend, whilst they are great they don't really understand and I sense they tire of my emotional roller-coaster and with that I feel rejected or that I'm just too much for them to handle (aware there are my own self esteem issues at play there) which adds to the emotional burden I'm carrying.
I thought I'd been keeping my head above water at work and coped well, but a couple to weeks ago I was taken into a office and asked my by manager if I was okay as he and colleagues had noticed I wasn't myself. I've worked so hard to get the respect at work and build a good friendship group, but I feel them both slipping away.
My partner is just a few weeks away from sentencing. We went away for the weekend and it was bitter sweet. We had some lovely times but it's always there in the back of my head "in a few weeks time you won't be here" "will we ever do anything like this again with us both being the same people" and then there are also thoughts of "Do I really know you, how could this man have done that thing"
I'm counting down the days until sentencing, in part hoping I'll gain some relief from the known and perhaps be able to make a decision and focus on me a little. In part I'm counting with sadness knowing we only have X number of days sharing the bed and only X number of days where I'll just be able to call him to chat. I don't know when the end is, but find myself muttering to myself, several times a day - I just want this to be over
I thought I'd been keeping my head above water at work and coped well, but a couple to weeks ago I was taken into a office and asked my by manager if I was okay as he and colleagues had noticed I wasn't myself. I've worked so hard to get the respect at work and build a good friendship group, but I feel them both slipping away.
My partner is just a few weeks away from sentencing. We went away for the weekend and it was bitter sweet. We had some lovely times but it's always there in the back of my head "in a few weeks time you won't be here" "will we ever do anything like this again with us both being the same people" and then there are also thoughts of "Do I really know you, how could this man have done that thing"
I'm counting down the days until sentencing, in part hoping I'll gain some relief from the known and perhaps be able to make a decision and focus on me a little. In part I'm counting with sadness knowing we only have X number of days sharing the bed and only X number of days where I'll just be able to call him to chat. I don't know when the end is, but find myself muttering to myself, several times a day - I just want this to be over
Sal totally get the isolation thing I've been off all social media for a year have hardly seen close friends, I've earned respect in work and have great friends who have all noticed I've change but they are all thinKing it's because of my twin dying and me and my partner separating, which it is, but also this huge burden too. Trying to just have as many good days together as possible as we no longer live together. Counselling helped me some I'm going to have more after sentencing because I'll be totally alone in this then.
Post deleted by user
Totally understand bitter bean, you need to start looking after yourself, listen to your gut because remember you've did nothing wrong! How do you see your future (or can you look that far ahead??) we are all doing our best here in an impossible situation, it's such a trauma, but you owe nobody anything, look after yourself, I found that giving myself a bit of space away from him and time to think about what I really wasnt helped me a lot, if I'm honest I still don't know if I really want a future with him or I'm even if it will be possible. Anxiety crazy. Try to do something every day, just for you and noone else, even if it's just a rant on here, a walk, a nice meal, a gkass of wine, anything that makes you feel a little bit better and gives you space, it's hard to remember what is good about life with all of this going on. X
Post deleted by user
You have every single right to feel sorry for yourself
, you've been through a horrible time and believe me I've thought the same about the sentence, be a lot easier if it's taken out of our hand and someone else take responsibility, I get it and I ferl it too. Don't be so hard on yourself honey. Give yourself a break your obviously an amazing woman and you've came this far. Do whats right for you and noone else, the fact you're on this forem asking for help shows true strength x
, you've been through a horrible time and believe me I've thought the same about the sentence, be a lot easier if it's taken out of our hand and someone else take responsibility, I get it and I ferl it too. Don't be so hard on yourself honey. Give yourself a break your obviously an amazing woman and you've came this far. Do whats right for you and noone else, the fact you're on this forem asking for help shows true strength x