Struggling to understand why
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somedays I feel I understand why it happened. Somedays I want to stay and support.
Other days I can't understand at all why a supposed intelligent man with a lovely family, life and a good job did this, and want to cut all ties with him. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.
he's having therapy to try and find out why he ended up where he did, we are reading books, talking more but still not enough.
I can't understand why he didn't see these images are victims at the time?
I can't understand how he obviously liked these images but says he doesn't find u18s sexually attractive. Somedays I understand it was more of the taboo/risk but he obviously liked them at the time?
I can't understand why he didn't think he'd get caught or what this would do to us all.
i need to sort some therapy for myself - do I go private or do I form course first?
Other days I can't understand at all why a supposed intelligent man with a lovely family, life and a good job did this, and want to cut all ties with him. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.
he's having therapy to try and find out why he ended up where he did, we are reading books, talking more but still not enough.
I can't understand why he didn't see these images are victims at the time?
I can't understand how he obviously liked these images but says he doesn't find u18s sexually attractive. Somedays I understand it was more of the taboo/risk but he obviously liked them at the time?
I can't understand why he didn't think he'd get caught or what this would do to us all.
i need to sort some therapy for myself - do I go private or do I form course first?
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I get days like this too, my partner had everything going for him, but deep down he was struggling and men find it hard to control those emotions and hide in something. I got therapy through my gp, reared me to mental health nurse as I suffered from anxiety and pdsd, not just because of the knock a lot of other factors in my past too, but I still get data where I'm like, why why why. We had it so good. Irs normal to feel like that,x
Hi Jayjay
I want to try and expand on your question about "why he didn't see these images are victims at the time?"
This is controversial, but the men who look at these images, genuinely do not see the child in that image as being real. They see the image as being part of a fantasy, that exists in their heads. It is not just children either. This is also how men perceive the adult women that they look at in porn, as well.
In the same way that all of us suspend our disbelief, when we watch a fantasy on TV, they are able to distance themslves from the reality of what they see in the image and pretend to themselves that it is not real, for the purposes of maintaining the fantasy.
Think about the dragon in Game of Thrones for example. When we watch that on TV, we know at one level, that the dragon is not real, but at another level we can suspend our disbelief, in order to emotionally involve ourselves in the story.
I think that men do something similar when watching porn. At some level, they all know the children are real and are victims, but they don't want to admit that to themselves, because it gets in the way of the fantasy they are trying to create, in their minds.
I know that this is a very difficult thing to explain and when the men try to explain it to somebody else, they are often accused of being in denial about their offence. So it can be a hard thing for them to talk about.
I want to try and expand on your question about "why he didn't see these images are victims at the time?"
This is controversial, but the men who look at these images, genuinely do not see the child in that image as being real. They see the image as being part of a fantasy, that exists in their heads. It is not just children either. This is also how men perceive the adult women that they look at in porn, as well.
In the same way that all of us suspend our disbelief, when we watch a fantasy on TV, they are able to distance themslves from the reality of what they see in the image and pretend to themselves that it is not real, for the purposes of maintaining the fantasy.
Think about the dragon in Game of Thrones for example. When we watch that on TV, we know at one level, that the dragon is not real, but at another level we can suspend our disbelief, in order to emotionally involve ourselves in the story.
I think that men do something similar when watching porn. At some level, they all know the children are real and are victims, but they don't want to admit that to themselves, because it gets in the way of the fantasy they are trying to create, in their minds.
I know that this is a very difficult thing to explain and when the men try to explain it to somebody else, they are often accused of being in denial about their offence. So it can be a hard thing for them to talk about.
Edel, I've not heard it explained that way before. Thank you! X