Worse Than Any Nightmare
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Hello all, I'm new here and still can't believe that this is happening.
The knock came almost a month ago, husband arrested and bailed for online images. Took all his electronics and some joint ones, and released him on bail for a month.
Because of his job he has also been suspended pending investigation. He hasn't done anything wrong at work, and has never looked at images while at work etc, but because the Police contacted them he's been suspended, and is very likely to lose his job and future chance of working in the same field.
The day of the knock was the worst of my life, but I just feel now like it's never going to get better. We're playing a waiting game. Police have now given a bail extension for 3 months and he has contacted his employer to see what their next move will be.
He says he's told me the whole truth, and I've said that if it turns out there is something he hasn't told me that we are finished.
I'm a mess and have had to speak to my doctor to get some help so I can get some sleep. I spend my days just doing anything I can to keep my mind of it because as soon as I think about it I fall apart again. I'm constantly worrying about what is going to happen and how we will survive if he is charged and does lose his job etc.
I've been reading posts on the forums for a couple of weeks, and wanted to be able to talk to others who know what we're going through. You are also so supportive and helpful with eachother, which I think is wonderful.
The knock came almost a month ago, husband arrested and bailed for online images. Took all his electronics and some joint ones, and released him on bail for a month.
Because of his job he has also been suspended pending investigation. He hasn't done anything wrong at work, and has never looked at images while at work etc, but because the Police contacted them he's been suspended, and is very likely to lose his job and future chance of working in the same field.
The day of the knock was the worst of my life, but I just feel now like it's never going to get better. We're playing a waiting game. Police have now given a bail extension for 3 months and he has contacted his employer to see what their next move will be.
He says he's told me the whole truth, and I've said that if it turns out there is something he hasn't told me that we are finished.
I'm a mess and have had to speak to my doctor to get some help so I can get some sleep. I spend my days just doing anything I can to keep my mind of it because as soon as I think about it I fall apart again. I'm constantly worrying about what is going to happen and how we will survive if he is charged and does lose his job etc.
I've been reading posts on the forums for a couple of weeks, and wanted to be able to talk to others who know what we're going through. You are also so supportive and helpful with eachother, which I think is wonderful.
Hello WTAN (hope it's okay to abbreviate),
I am reading about myself other (than the job situation) and the situation I experienced in February 2021. How you have described it is exactly as I have done and have even compared the whole experience to being worse than losing a close family member. Having now endured this nightmare for 14 months I have recently posted on where we are up to now (Moving on) and how we have moved on. In the early days I said exactly the same to my husband he has to tell the truth or if I found out information from another source we would be finished, I promised to stand by and support him as long as as there was openness and honesty. In hindsight, there are a lot of things I would have done differently, the main thing we didn't do was to clear/close all social media accounts and as a result and because of his previous job position (which they classed as high profile) on the day of his plea hearing the press were in court, they tried to photograph him when leaving but he covered up and it was impossible to see his face clearly. Thinking we had avoided a photo the press searched online and via LinkedIn found his job title and a lovely photo that they used to publish all details of his offence, they posted on the internet and in all of our regional press, it was horrendous when we saw it. I urge you before your court hearing to delete any social media accounts and to ensure you are not connected to anyone on line that could potentially expose any of your private information. I would advise as we did to go to your GP together, as a result of this we have both received tremendous support from our GP and are both now receiving therapy and medication. There is lots of other advice which I will happily share with you but please be assured things do actually get better. After his sentencing we decided this could continue to ruin our lives or we could aim to live differently but as best we could. People in our lives are very different now, we were fortunate to have very close and thoroughly supportive family (not everyone though) and my friends for support, sadly the majority of my husbands friends have desserted him and I know that bothers him but I keep focusing on how much worse things could have been and we are lucky to be where we are now. I know deep down my husband made a foolish mistake which I also know he will regret forever, he was ill when it happened and even though that was considered as mitigation he still has to pay a terrible price.
Right now and since his curfew has ended only last week we are concentrating on the important things and people in our lives, the therapy and medication has helped massively in getting us to where we are today. We know we will still have wobbles and have to deal with them when they happen but please believe me I never ever thought we would get through this and come out the way we have. I hope you manage to have good support around you, I did tell people friends and family in the early days after the knock and tbh was glad I did, mainly because I knew deep down it would hit the press and I would rather people heard it from us and not a newspaper. Please take care and look after yourselves, it is a terrible and treacherous journey but there is light at the other end.
Sending love and best wishes xxx
I am reading about myself other (than the job situation) and the situation I experienced in February 2021. How you have described it is exactly as I have done and have even compared the whole experience to being worse than losing a close family member. Having now endured this nightmare for 14 months I have recently posted on where we are up to now (Moving on) and how we have moved on. In the early days I said exactly the same to my husband he has to tell the truth or if I found out information from another source we would be finished, I promised to stand by and support him as long as as there was openness and honesty. In hindsight, there are a lot of things I would have done differently, the main thing we didn't do was to clear/close all social media accounts and as a result and because of his previous job position (which they classed as high profile) on the day of his plea hearing the press were in court, they tried to photograph him when leaving but he covered up and it was impossible to see his face clearly. Thinking we had avoided a photo the press searched online and via LinkedIn found his job title and a lovely photo that they used to publish all details of his offence, they posted on the internet and in all of our regional press, it was horrendous when we saw it. I urge you before your court hearing to delete any social media accounts and to ensure you are not connected to anyone on line that could potentially expose any of your private information. I would advise as we did to go to your GP together, as a result of this we have both received tremendous support from our GP and are both now receiving therapy and medication. There is lots of other advice which I will happily share with you but please be assured things do actually get better. After his sentencing we decided this could continue to ruin our lives or we could aim to live differently but as best we could. People in our lives are very different now, we were fortunate to have very close and thoroughly supportive family (not everyone though) and my friends for support, sadly the majority of my husbands friends have desserted him and I know that bothers him but I keep focusing on how much worse things could have been and we are lucky to be where we are now. I know deep down my husband made a foolish mistake which I also know he will regret forever, he was ill when it happened and even though that was considered as mitigation he still has to pay a terrible price.
Right now and since his curfew has ended only last week we are concentrating on the important things and people in our lives, the therapy and medication has helped massively in getting us to where we are today. We know we will still have wobbles and have to deal with them when they happen but please believe me I never ever thought we would get through this and come out the way we have. I hope you manage to have good support around you, I did tell people friends and family in the early days after the knock and tbh was glad I did, mainly because I knew deep down it would hit the press and I would rather people heard it from us and not a newspaper. Please take care and look after yourselves, it is a terrible and treacherous journey but there is light at the other end.
Sending love and best wishes xxx
Hi WTAN, just wanted to send you a big hug. It does get better but it takes time - you're in the inital surreal stage of shock and it really is hideous. It's such a cliche, but please look after your physical and mental health as much as you can; actively seek out things that make you feel better - often just getting out of the house on a sunny day can make a huge difference. Arm yourself with information; it might be difficult to read about this stuff but it's better to know what you're dealing with. And check in here with all of us regularly; I don't know how I'd have got through without this forum.
Sending you lots of strength xx
Sending you lots of strength xx
Thank you so much both of you for the replies, you have no idea how much it's appreciated to not feel quite so alone at the moment.
hi wtan,
i'm back after a years absence.
i'm sorry you find yourself here!
this forum was the greatest gift to come out of my nightmare. i'm not and was never very active on it, but just reading the amount of stories on here made me feel less alone. the lonliness of it all is definitely one of the hardest things. my mum always described it as a bomb that went off in our house but no one came to help because no one could see it. this forum helped that feeling lessen. i am so lucky to have found it and i hope that you find it as useful, grounding and comforting as i did.
please know, things do and will get easier with time X
i'm back after a years absence.
i'm sorry you find yourself here!
this forum was the greatest gift to come out of my nightmare. i'm not and was never very active on it, but just reading the amount of stories on here made me feel less alone. the lonliness of it all is definitely one of the hardest things. my mum always described it as a bomb that went off in our house but no one came to help because no one could see it. this forum helped that feeling lessen. i am so lucky to have found it and i hope that you find it as useful, grounding and comforting as i did.
please know, things do and will get easier with time X