Broken
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Hi everyone,
I haven't been on here for a while again as I thought life was going along ok until today that is.
Today, my husband tried to end his life. He's currently in hospital (thankfully not with life threatening injuries) and I am broken.
After nearly 5 years, he says he still can't cope with what he had done. He says he can't forgive himself and that he is unlovable (totally not true).
I really don't know what to do or say anymore. I can't cope with this constant worry for his safety but I can't live without him either. He truly is my sole mate!
I don't know what I'm going to get out of this post but I just needed to write it down in a safe place and be true to my own feelings. I constantly have to hide his conviction and try not to trip up my story with regards to his mental health. I am a heartbroken woman.
K x
I haven't been on here for a while again as I thought life was going along ok until today that is.
Today, my husband tried to end his life. He's currently in hospital (thankfully not with life threatening injuries) and I am broken.
After nearly 5 years, he says he still can't cope with what he had done. He says he can't forgive himself and that he is unlovable (totally not true).
I really don't know what to do or say anymore. I can't cope with this constant worry for his safety but I can't live without him either. He truly is my sole mate!
I don't know what I'm going to get out of this post but I just needed to write it down in a safe place and be true to my own feelings. I constantly have to hide his conviction and try not to trip up my story with regards to his mental health. I am a heartbroken woman.
K x
Hi Kirsty90,
I am so sorry your hunky tried to take his own life, I'm sorry I don't no your story, I hope you are OK, sorry I no that sounds stupid. Here if you want to chat
I am so sorry your hunky tried to take his own life, I'm sorry I don't no your story, I hope you are OK, sorry I no that sounds stupid. Here if you want to chat
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Thank you so much ladies, I really don't know what to do.
He's got an arm in plaster, a very fragile mind and a written off car. But worse thing still is that he told me that he's relapsed.
He couldn't cope with his work life or home life and this was his way out! The thought of going through it all again pains me so much! But I don't feel like I can genuinely walk away. What on earth can I do? He's not a bad man, he's just very fragile and broken and once again this is his cry for help.
X
He's got an arm in plaster, a very fragile mind and a written off car. But worse thing still is that he told me that he's relapsed.
He couldn't cope with his work life or home life and this was his way out! The thought of going through it all again pains me so much! But I don't feel like I can genuinely walk away. What on earth can I do? He's not a bad man, he's just very fragile and broken and once again this is his cry for help.
X
Kirsty90
I am so sorry to read this and hope you have some support x
Sending love and strength to you both xx
I am so sorry to read this and hope you have some support x
Sending love and strength to you both xx
Hi Kirsty, I am so sorry to hear this, have you thought about getting him sectioned? He obviously needs mental health support and it can be done voluntarily. This is too much for you to deal with on your own, it is huge, please talk to your doctor. They can advise what to do.
Sending big love to you both, I hope he gets some help and you an ease of mind.
Take care of yourself xx
Sending big love to you both, I hope he gets some help and you an ease of mind.
Take care of yourself xx
So sorry to hear what you are going through Kirsty. My advice would be to put yourself first at the moment and get the help and support that you need, which might also mean as the previous poster has said, handing him over to the care of the mental health crisis team. You will need all your strength to help support him, if you want that is. It is another trauma that you are going through. Encourage him to look for his own support/help asap, his ownership might increase his self esteem and self worth when he finds his own solicitions that suit him and help him deal with his feelings and emotions. Sometimes we can take on too much for others, as natural nurturers, but I feel it does not help the person if we take over too much...a tricky balance particularly when you know a life is in balance. My therapist was right in that advice to me for my husband. He has travelled his own journey as have i. As we all so often say, there is no right and wrong way to feel or act. These are just my views. Sending you support and love x
He has apparently looked at images again, but it's the first time in 5 years! I really believed that his children and I were enough for him not to do it again.
We're waiting for a phone call today from our local community mental health team and then hopefully a visit tomorrow from them. Being sectioned will be the next thing on my list of help if I don't feel he is getting what he needs.
My mental health on the other hand well.....
I can't even put into words...
When I got told that he was in hospital, my first thought was 'he's dead'. I don't think I've ever heard the word 'no' come out of my mouth so loud before and repeated so many times.
I can't eat or sleep, I put the tv on but can't choose what to watch as I don't particularly want to watch anything but it's just something to do.
Thank you so much for all of your kind words,
Kx
We're waiting for a phone call today from our local community mental health team and then hopefully a visit tomorrow from them. Being sectioned will be the next thing on my list of help if I don't feel he is getting what he needs.
My mental health on the other hand well.....
I can't even put into words...
When I got told that he was in hospital, my first thought was 'he's dead'. I don't think I've ever heard the word 'no' come out of my mouth so loud before and repeated so many times.
I can't eat or sleep, I put the tv on but can't choose what to watch as I don't particularly want to watch anything but it's just something to do.
Thank you so much for all of your kind words,
Kx
Sending positive thoughts.
Life has a cruel way of taking from you when you feel you have nothing left to give...im a big believer difficult things are only sent to the strongest of us. You will get through this albeit difficult, this situation will highlight the severity of your partners complex needs and the help available will now not be overlooked as easily. It shouldn't take this to happen but all to often it does.
Your love and continued support will be the most powerful strength he needs behind him now- but please listen and look after yourself first and foremost. Make sure you have support around you to lean on too. I cant imagine the guilt your (and for alot of our ) partners must be feeling whilst trying to move forward and piece togoether their lives again. It is day by day but when there are constant knock backs it is no wonder so many spiral, when it feels like we are on constant revolving door.
However concentrate on little achievements everyday, its often easier to focus on the negatives from each day and overlook any possible positives that we encouter and overcome. They will increase in size and quantity again as time passes. It is so hard and tiring to constantly remind partners why the world is a better place for them being in it. But its so important to realise EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. It's what we do after that makes all the difference. It's hard to see the future and the bigger picture when your in the thick of it, but things happen for a reason. This can finally be something he moves forward from and to put behind him, with the right support. But it is important to remember it can take several attempts to find who, and what support suits him personally. So it maybe trial and error for a while and the process will be long for you both. But a happier future awaits you both and everyday your another day closer to it, try not to focus on time that has already passed everyone's journey in this is on different timescales but it doesnt mean you wont reach your happy ever after xx
Life has a cruel way of taking from you when you feel you have nothing left to give...im a big believer difficult things are only sent to the strongest of us. You will get through this albeit difficult, this situation will highlight the severity of your partners complex needs and the help available will now not be overlooked as easily. It shouldn't take this to happen but all to often it does.
Your love and continued support will be the most powerful strength he needs behind him now- but please listen and look after yourself first and foremost. Make sure you have support around you to lean on too. I cant imagine the guilt your (and for alot of our ) partners must be feeling whilst trying to move forward and piece togoether their lives again. It is day by day but when there are constant knock backs it is no wonder so many spiral, when it feels like we are on constant revolving door.
However concentrate on little achievements everyday, its often easier to focus on the negatives from each day and overlook any possible positives that we encouter and overcome. They will increase in size and quantity again as time passes. It is so hard and tiring to constantly remind partners why the world is a better place for them being in it. But its so important to realise EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. It's what we do after that makes all the difference. It's hard to see the future and the bigger picture when your in the thick of it, but things happen for a reason. This can finally be something he moves forward from and to put behind him, with the right support. But it is important to remember it can take several attempts to find who, and what support suits him personally. So it maybe trial and error for a while and the process will be long for you both. But a happier future awaits you both and everyday your another day closer to it, try not to focus on time that has already passed everyone's journey in this is on different timescales but it doesnt mean you wont reach your happy ever after xx