Holidays
Notifications OFF
I have just realised that we can't go on a family holiday to haven ect or any children based holiday . :( I though somehow we could get through this but after lockdowns ect I can't have they children missing out on everything . So what other things can people on the sex offenders register not do? Like soft play ect
I think it depends on the SHPO and the terms and conditions of certain places - like holiday parks say specifically in their t&cs, but I don't believe soft play does (?) but it's probably down to each place.
Thank you both . Yes my mind is definitely my worse enemy . I don't think I can take anymore . Family are wanting to book holidays or eveen a BBQ ect . Everyday is a lie . And I was just thinking no matter of the outcome really it will be years of things to affect everyday life . We can't really go anywere at the moment either because I don't think he can be around my famys children without me telling them . Xxx
He had bail conditions not to stay at my home address or anywere with an under 18 . And no unsupervised contact . His bail conditions wernt extended . He's just under investigation . I think social services would be the issue of I was to have a friends over for a BBQ or so thing and she has a child I think there saying we have to invform anyone with a child xx
I do all family visits alone ect but it's getting very arkward there's only so many excuses I can use :( it's been that long . I will have to ring the social worker I think . She did a plan . Came to the house met us and said she will email it over (doesn't eveen have my email) when I had the baby they new about the plan ect so she has documented it but I havnt seen it or Signed it. She just said that he can't stay here and can't have unsupervised ect . I asked how we go about getting unsupervised in the future she said we need to see what the charges are ect and whay the police find . Unsupervised is proberly never going to happen . Xxx
We normally book a lodge in the middle of nowhere. Last time we booked our place was 2 miles from the road and the other lodge was just over a mile away.
Will look at that again in the future xx
Will look at that again in the future xx
Thank you for the advise :) . How can people have there partner living at home? The social worker said he can't stay at night because I can't protect the girls if I'm asleep but I've seen people on this forum are living with there partner how dose this work?
And that's a good idea Chelsea . How do you all stay together ? My partner can't stay over night so we wont be able to stay in a lodge with him over night . He wud have to book a separate one or somthing xxx
And that's a good idea Chelsea . How do you all stay together ? My partner can't stay over night so we wont be able to stay in a lodge with him over night . He wud have to book a separate one or somthing xxx
Hiya xxx.
Sorry XXX. That's what we always do when we go away.
When we get to after crown court and we start to move forward then we will hopefully do the same but only go for 5 days so we don't have to tell anybody because we are.not 7 days away.
Xx
Sorry XXX. That's what we always do when we go away.
When we get to after crown court and we start to move forward then we will hopefully do the same but only go for 5 days so we don't have to tell anybody because we are.not 7 days away.
Xx
Right ok thank you Lee. Didn't know that. Will have to put thinking cap on xx
The holidays we take, we tend to travel around, moving in every few days. So could be away for 2 weeks but may stay in 5 different places - So we'd not NEED to let anyone know? I'd feel nervous not letting anyone know...
Hi Sal,
I hope you’re doing ok. I am sorry to read about your (ex)partner’s sentence. I try not to visit the forum as often as before but just wanted to wish you well and let you know that I have thought about you.
As for going away, the notification requirements are: "having resided or stayed, for a qualifying period, at any premises in the United Kingdom the address of which has not been notified to the police under section 83(1), this subsection, or section 2 of the Sex Offenders Act 1997,"
And qualifying period means "A - A period of 7 days, or B - two or more periods, in a period of 12 months, which taken together amount to 7 days".
So, I understand this to be any time the offender leaves their registered address for more than 7 days (consecutively), and then if during the year they’re away from their registered address for more than seven days in the year (accumulatively).
X
I hope you’re doing ok. I am sorry to read about your (ex)partner’s sentence. I try not to visit the forum as often as before but just wanted to wish you well and let you know that I have thought about you.
As for going away, the notification requirements are: "having resided or stayed, for a qualifying period, at any premises in the United Kingdom the address of which has not been notified to the police under section 83(1), this subsection, or section 2 of the Sex Offenders Act 1997,"
And qualifying period means "A - A period of 7 days, or B - two or more periods, in a period of 12 months, which taken together amount to 7 days".
So, I understand this to be any time the offender leaves their registered address for more than 7 days (consecutively), and then if during the year they’re away from their registered address for more than seven days in the year (accumulatively).
X
So if it's more than 7 days over a couple of times you have to tell your probation or visor team ?
Thank you Orchid, both for your thoughts and the information. Helpful to know these things and helps paint a picture of what life will be like.
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I'm starting to feel similar Bitterbean. Add to that potential difficulty with employment.
I'm thinking i could perhaps cope with the custodial but all the restrictions, invasions of privacy and the stigma may be too much.
Now all the practicalities and distractions of sentencing are done, I'm also finding it increasingly difficult to think he "got off" to anything related to children, often when I close my eyes it's what seems to pop into my head - This has taken me by surprise as I thought I'd go my head round it.
I too want my old life back, to see the person I loved and not question his behaviour or motives.
I'm thinking i could perhaps cope with the custodial but all the restrictions, invasions of privacy and the stigma may be too much.
Now all the practicalities and distractions of sentencing are done, I'm also finding it increasingly difficult to think he "got off" to anything related to children, often when I close my eyes it's what seems to pop into my head - This has taken me by surprise as I thought I'd go my head round it.
I too want my old life back, to see the person I loved and not question his behaviour or motives.
That's exactly how I feel . One day I feel so sorry for my partner and say we will move away make things work ect . But really I can't see that happening how can I work when I have to watch both kids how can I live a life not leaving a room not going out alone to see my friends or anything . Not having a shower without taking all the kids upstairs ect . And I might just be having a bad day but I'm left with no money with a new born and a 5 Ur old and when he visits he's to upset or to moody or depressed . Tough shit I am but I have to paint a smile on do all the chores with 3 hours sleep broken up if I'm lucky . I feel like it's the worse thing possible and my friends and family don't know yet then I won't be able to walk the streets xx
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Yes, I've been through all of those same thought processes.
I've also been questioning myself as to how I'd feel if I just found the conversation and hadn't been convicted of anything to establish if its what he's done that is the issue or the consequences of what he's done is an issue. It would certainly be easier if he hadn't been convicted but I still don't really know how comfortable I'd be if I'd just seen the conversation. Ultimately I think it's the broken trust, the stigma and concequences that are making me doubt whether I can continue in a relationship and that's quite hard for me to accept. If I dig further, I've never really been all that bothered by what people think and I'm not a social butterfly and don't have a children, so many of the conditions won't actually really impact me or our life together, so I think it really comes down I think to trust, stigma and his ability to find work after this.
I have such a huge mental block thinking about the man that cared, supported and looked after me, that was kind, funny, hard working, the man that had such good future prospects is now in prison - My brain literally goes to scrambled egg trying to process the man I think I know, with the offence and the situation he finds him in now and will do in the future. How could he have been so bloody stupid.
Ultimately for me I don't think I need to decide now, he is aware that I'm supporting him and if there is any future relationship, that would be because we came back together rather than we continued. Perhaps the question to ask yourself is whether your life would be better with him in it and all the restrictions or without him in it? You might be able to go on the holiday you want, but would you enjoy it without him there? I think part of this journey is accepting some of the realities and then deciding if you think you can live with them. I think I'm still fighting the realities because I don't want to let go.
I've also been questioning myself as to how I'd feel if I just found the conversation and hadn't been convicted of anything to establish if its what he's done that is the issue or the consequences of what he's done is an issue. It would certainly be easier if he hadn't been convicted but I still don't really know how comfortable I'd be if I'd just seen the conversation. Ultimately I think it's the broken trust, the stigma and concequences that are making me doubt whether I can continue in a relationship and that's quite hard for me to accept. If I dig further, I've never really been all that bothered by what people think and I'm not a social butterfly and don't have a children, so many of the conditions won't actually really impact me or our life together, so I think it really comes down I think to trust, stigma and his ability to find work after this.
I have such a huge mental block thinking about the man that cared, supported and looked after me, that was kind, funny, hard working, the man that had such good future prospects is now in prison - My brain literally goes to scrambled egg trying to process the man I think I know, with the offence and the situation he finds him in now and will do in the future. How could he have been so bloody stupid.
Ultimately for me I don't think I need to decide now, he is aware that I'm supporting him and if there is any future relationship, that would be because we came back together rather than we continued. Perhaps the question to ask yourself is whether your life would be better with him in it and all the restrictions or without him in it? You might be able to go on the holiday you want, but would you enjoy it without him there? I think part of this journey is accepting some of the realities and then deciding if you think you can live with them. I think I'm still fighting the realities because I don't want to let go.
Hi,
We are the other side, and life continues, a different life but in honesty a better one. We are allowed holidays, family bbq's and days out. Ss got involved and cpp plan for our kids, and yes it was tough with their judgements. He got a suspended sentence and we spent 14 months living apart, and was allowed to live together in the end. Supervised is not the ideal, but it has made time for more family based activities than ever before.
You quickly adjust to the rules and what needs to be notified of. The supervised access for us remains and always will as that's what we want, but many couples get this through working with ss.
Yes, we are not able to go to Haven, or camping and caravaning club sites, but we have been away 3 times since sentencing and off abroad to Europe this year. He won't be able to travel to Australia with me if I ever get to go, but that's a small price to pay for the rest of the life we live together. It's just adjusting to what you can do and where you can go making sure to read the t's and c's before booking. Also speak with probation.
We were lucky it didn't hit the media too.
It's easy for me to put all this, I am the other side and don't think of the situation most days. I was in the same situation with wondering what can't we do and thinking life was over. We got used to the circumstances we are in. Yes, it was his doing and no I wouldn't have have put him in the position he put me in, but I also know there's no better man for me and our children. I'm not saying stay, only you all know your partners. But I'm glad I didn't leave mine, as I am proud of the man he has become and love the life we have.
We are the other side, and life continues, a different life but in honesty a better one. We are allowed holidays, family bbq's and days out. Ss got involved and cpp plan for our kids, and yes it was tough with their judgements. He got a suspended sentence and we spent 14 months living apart, and was allowed to live together in the end. Supervised is not the ideal, but it has made time for more family based activities than ever before.
You quickly adjust to the rules and what needs to be notified of. The supervised access for us remains and always will as that's what we want, but many couples get this through working with ss.
Yes, we are not able to go to Haven, or camping and caravaning club sites, but we have been away 3 times since sentencing and off abroad to Europe this year. He won't be able to travel to Australia with me if I ever get to go, but that's a small price to pay for the rest of the life we live together. It's just adjusting to what you can do and where you can go making sure to read the t's and c's before booking. Also speak with probation.
We were lucky it didn't hit the media too.
It's easy for me to put all this, I am the other side and don't think of the situation most days. I was in the same situation with wondering what can't we do and thinking life was over. We got used to the circumstances we are in. Yes, it was his doing and no I wouldn't have have put him in the position he put me in, but I also know there's no better man for me and our children. I'm not saying stay, only you all know your partners. But I'm glad I didn't leave mine, as I am proud of the man he has become and love the life we have.
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Thatw how I feel I'm not sure oif he's doing all he can ect . Before this he lied alot . Kept everything from me got banned from driving didn't tell me . Got in debt had baylifs at the door . When I went into labour with my first child used his phone to call the midwife and messages to my friend on there . Was on dating sites ect can never keep a job always has issues with people he works with or for . We sorting things out and thought we were in a better place then the knock . Know he isn't talking to his family ect so I'm the only person he has but he didn't help out at all . Found messages on his phone yesturday and it's somone he is talking to to help him ect but I don't believe it so told him not to come round . I could easily get a new man lead a normal life ect have money have nice things but I stand by him and I really am not sure why somtimes . Sorry for the rant I wrote it yesterday then deleted it haha . Becaus ei didn't see him yesterday I feel mad ect but as soon as I do see him and he's upset ect I just been sorry for him and love him xxx
Xxx
I guess there are many individual factors that every partner has to take into consideration when deciding on whether to stay or leave, including how good the relationship is, their feelings for their partner, their personal views about the offence, whether or not they have kids, financial ties and arrangements, views of their friends and family, impact on ability to work (for offender and partner), etc etc., so it's easy to see how it's a very individual and personal decision. But often still not a clear cut decision for most. I think I'm stuck in this "decision making dilemma" phase, and I'm finding it quite difficult.
I guess there are many individual factors that every partner has to take into consideration when deciding on whether to stay or leave, including how good the relationship is, their feelings for their partner, their personal views about the offence, whether or not they have kids, financial ties and arrangements, views of their friends and family, impact on ability to work (for offender and partner), etc etc., so it's easy to see how it's a very individual and personal decision. But often still not a clear cut decision for most. I think I'm stuck in this "decision making dilemma" phase, and I'm finding it quite difficult.
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