This doesn't seem real anymore. Ss are the worst
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So nearly 7 weeks since the knock. Alleged sexual communication with a hunter decoy.
Ss came out the very next day 11th to issue a safety plan to say partner wasn't allowed home till section 47 had been done. Had a call from sw on the Monday she came out, questioned the children and then went on her merry way.
16th I accessed the crisis team for some support as with the traumatic event of my partners arrest as well as the hunters actions. Presented to mental health hosp for assessment on the 18th. During this mental health assessment they asked about suicidal thoughts, I answered honestly. They asked if I had any plans- answered no. They asked if I was to do it how would I do it. Explained how. They agreed a plan and meds were needed.
Had visit from a different ss 16th April who asked questions directed at me and again questioned children. Shes been out 3 times in total.
Fast forward to today- she explains that following her assessment she feels the children should be on cp plan, not because of my partners allegation but more because of my mental health and the comment I made on 18th. The report also states that due to my continuing interaction with alleged offenders and my very own abusive /neglectful background I can not make positive decisions. Please bare in mind that one of my children is nearly 18!!
The report is shocking and I feel utterly betrayed for being honest. It's been noted by schools that I'm always seeking support should I feel the children need it( the usual typical teen things) , they are clearly loved and very well looked after. One of the school support workers is absolutely disgusted in how they've wrote the report. They've wrote ive justified my partners actions (I would never ever do this)
I'm sorry it's so long winded but I feel so hurt, upset and angry. Has anyone had this?
Ss came out the very next day 11th to issue a safety plan to say partner wasn't allowed home till section 47 had been done. Had a call from sw on the Monday she came out, questioned the children and then went on her merry way.
16th I accessed the crisis team for some support as with the traumatic event of my partners arrest as well as the hunters actions. Presented to mental health hosp for assessment on the 18th. During this mental health assessment they asked about suicidal thoughts, I answered honestly. They asked if I had any plans- answered no. They asked if I was to do it how would I do it. Explained how. They agreed a plan and meds were needed.
Had visit from a different ss 16th April who asked questions directed at me and again questioned children. Shes been out 3 times in total.
Fast forward to today- she explains that following her assessment she feels the children should be on cp plan, not because of my partners allegation but more because of my mental health and the comment I made on 18th. The report also states that due to my continuing interaction with alleged offenders and my very own abusive /neglectful background I can not make positive decisions. Please bare in mind that one of my children is nearly 18!!
The report is shocking and I feel utterly betrayed for being honest. It's been noted by schools that I'm always seeking support should I feel the children need it( the usual typical teen things) , they are clearly loved and very well looked after. One of the school support workers is absolutely disgusted in how they've wrote the report. They've wrote ive justified my partners actions (I would never ever do this)
I'm sorry it's so long winded but I feel so hurt, upset and angry. Has anyone had this?
Sorry you're going thru this.
I too was told I had justified partners behaviour. I wrote a huge email so there was a paper trial of everthing I disagreed with. It helped.
also if you have teenagers (never mind an almost 18 yr old!) they should be able to make their own minds up about contact etc, would they agree to be of a meeting? Their feelings should be included x
I too was told I had justified partners behaviour. I wrote a huge email so there was a paper trial of everthing I disagreed with. It helped.
also if you have teenagers (never mind an almost 18 yr old!) they should be able to make their own minds up about contact etc, would they agree to be of a meeting? Their feelings should be included x
Thank you. Its truly awful. They said it was for the support aspect that cpp was needed. However looking at it- I've been so proactive. I organised for me to have private counselling(on the understanding that if I was getting help- I could look after the children better). I organised the children's referrals to the relevant mental health partners. I've liased with schools and helped them to form strategies to best support the children. I've accessed a new housing Borough and they've deemed me a high priority. I dont understand what other support they could possibly provide me with.
Contact is every 2 weeks as I have to travel and is supervised by me and a family member.
I havent once justified his behaviour. I've tried to explain it from his point of view or told them what he's told me.
I'm so angry tonight. I've had to put the report away. How on earth someone can make a report that states because the mother had a awful upbringing it influences her decisions. The only decision it influenced is that my children won't be subjected that that treatment at any point of their lives. So far (nearly 18 years) I think ive done fantastic.
So so so angry!!!
Contact is every 2 weeks as I have to travel and is supervised by me and a family member.
I havent once justified his behaviour. I've tried to explain it from his point of view or told them what he's told me.
I'm so angry tonight. I've had to put the report away. How on earth someone can make a report that states because the mother had a awful upbringing it influences her decisions. The only decision it influenced is that my children won't be subjected that that treatment at any point of their lives. So far (nearly 18 years) I think ive done fantastic.
So so so angry!!!
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Hello. Just felt the need to comment that the initial report is nearly always horrific, they don't seem to delve into situations properly and gloss over SO much.
With a CPP they should be looking to bring it down to CIN and how they do that. If they are adamant it needs to be CPP, then maybe turn it back to them and ask what suggestions they have for you to do to help lower the risk involved eg. Do they need to see you're accessing counselling? Or do they want you to do a protective parenting course such as the LFF Inform course?
With a CPP they should be looking to bring it down to CIN and how they do that. If they are adamant it needs to be CPP, then maybe turn it back to them and ask what suggestions they have for you to do to help lower the risk involved eg. Do they need to see you're accessing counselling? Or do they want you to do a protective parenting course such as the LFF Inform course?
So, the risk app is emotional and physical abuse via me. The suicide risk is obviously the physical side however I'm struggling to understand the emotional.
The report states that its hypothesised that my relationship with partner will continue, however always stated my decision will be based on the full disclosure given to me via the solicitor.
Two of the children's schools are going to be in attendance and are going to oppose it.
Social worker told me it was the support aspect that I needed on a cp plan- me not even realising till hoogling and being on here didn't even realise what a cp plan was for, however they've not supported me in any way so far. I did however challenge what other support I could access via them that I havent already. She couldn't answer the question. She kept repeating that they orchestrate all the relevant parties and delegate their jobs to them.
They didn't even provide me with helplines/charities I could access for the children's mental health. That was me.
I've taken all this on myself. Luckily for me. Ive emailed or asked for paper copies so always had paper trail for back up. They also left me for nearly 2 weeks with no contact and considering I'm so much of a risk that shouldn't have happened.
Meeting is on Fri im nervous but j know i have a good leg to stand on, but to be honest she's woken something in me that she will probably wish she hadn't. I will not have anyone use the fact that I've had a crap abusive upbringing against me. The fact that I've had this has made me a better parent.
Done well so far!!! All children are happy and healthy. 18 year old has her head screwed on, college in weekdays and works at the weekend to save for things she wants in life I.e car
The report states that its hypothesised that my relationship with partner will continue, however always stated my decision will be based on the full disclosure given to me via the solicitor.
Two of the children's schools are going to be in attendance and are going to oppose it.
Social worker told me it was the support aspect that I needed on a cp plan- me not even realising till hoogling and being on here didn't even realise what a cp plan was for, however they've not supported me in any way so far. I did however challenge what other support I could access via them that I havent already. She couldn't answer the question. She kept repeating that they orchestrate all the relevant parties and delegate their jobs to them.
They didn't even provide me with helplines/charities I could access for the children's mental health. That was me.
I've taken all this on myself. Luckily for me. Ive emailed or asked for paper copies so always had paper trail for back up. They also left me for nearly 2 weeks with no contact and considering I'm so much of a risk that shouldn't have happened.
Meeting is on Fri im nervous but j know i have a good leg to stand on, but to be honest she's woken something in me that she will probably wish she hadn't. I will not have anyone use the fact that I've had a crap abusive upbringing against me. The fact that I've had this has made me a better parent.
Done well so far!!! All children are happy and healthy. 18 year old has her head screwed on, college in weekdays and works at the weekend to save for things she wants in life I.e car
Oh not to mention the app sexual risk of my partner. Yet my partner doesn't live here and is not even in the same county. We travel to see him. We meet at a family members so there's 3 adults essentially supervising.
The schools are opposing it going to cp plan. They've said I've been overly proactive. They weren't even informed by social services what had happened until 10days later. I was the one that went in and told them.
So sorry to hear this. I have had a similar thing happen to me. He was talking to a 13 year old decoy but we had vigalanties at our door.
SS have been useless I was visited and my report stated that I am justifing his behaviour which I am not. I had Post natal depression before this happened as I have 1 year old twins.
He has moved out to his parents and I am supporting him through this process. It`s been a hard couple of months.
I agree that SS appear to blame the mother in this and if you admit that you have a metal health issues they immediatly think you are an unfit mother.
SS have been useless I was visited and my report stated that I am justifing his behaviour which I am not. I had Post natal depression before this happened as I have 1 year old twins.
He has moved out to his parents and I am supporting him through this process. It`s been a hard couple of months.
I agree that SS appear to blame the mother in this and if you admit that you have a metal health issues they immediatly think you are an unfit mother.
Davier that was what happened here. They are absolutely vile. Just recieved very good news in regards to the one who came to ours.
The emotional and physical refers to me as after 8 days after the 'knock' I referred myself to mental health team. The mental health worker asked " do you have any suicidal thoughts" I replied "yeah", then asked if I had any plans- my reply was "no". They then went on to ask if I was to do it " how would I do it?" I replied by putting us all in the car and driving fast.
Before anyone jumps and believes I actually would do this- I genuinely wouldn't. It was 8 days after the knock which to be honest was prob one of the most traumatic things I've ever experienced. 7 men in ski masks, trying doors and trying to climb through a window. The fear in my children's faces is fear I will never forget. At that moment I believed that was possibly a way to protect my children from the fear, anxiety and backlash they would now have to face.
Social services made me sign a safety plan and practically left me with nothing. My while life blown apart and all they were bothered about is carrying out a section 47. I had 3 different social workers in the space of 5 weeks.
Not one tiny bit of support has been offered. They sold me the child protection plan on the fact of support " it's the high level of support, we can get you moved quicker"
Its only when I've been handed the report did I realise what it was really about. Everything I've said has been twisted out of context and portrayed me to look like im on the edge. However I'm not, over the weeks I've built myself up. I've put me and the kids 1st and even that doesn't seem like it's good enough. In no way, shape or form is my rubbish background a part of the way I parent. If anything it taught me how to not parent.
My children are happy, loved, nurtured and cared for.
The emotional and physical refers to me as after 8 days after the 'knock' I referred myself to mental health team. The mental health worker asked " do you have any suicidal thoughts" I replied "yeah", then asked if I had any plans- my reply was "no". They then went on to ask if I was to do it " how would I do it?" I replied by putting us all in the car and driving fast.
Before anyone jumps and believes I actually would do this- I genuinely wouldn't. It was 8 days after the knock which to be honest was prob one of the most traumatic things I've ever experienced. 7 men in ski masks, trying doors and trying to climb through a window. The fear in my children's faces is fear I will never forget. At that moment I believed that was possibly a way to protect my children from the fear, anxiety and backlash they would now have to face.
Social services made me sign a safety plan and practically left me with nothing. My while life blown apart and all they were bothered about is carrying out a section 47. I had 3 different social workers in the space of 5 weeks.
Not one tiny bit of support has been offered. They sold me the child protection plan on the fact of support " it's the high level of support, we can get you moved quicker"
Its only when I've been handed the report did I realise what it was really about. Everything I've said has been twisted out of context and portrayed me to look like im on the edge. However I'm not, over the weeks I've built myself up. I've put me and the kids 1st and even that doesn't seem like it's good enough. In no way, shape or form is my rubbish background a part of the way I parent. If anything it taught me how to not parent.
My children are happy, loved, nurtured and cared for.
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Thank you ladies for such kind responses. Its very much appreciated.
They haven't provided me with any support so far other than a email to a housing officer in another county. The rest I have done myself. I've paid privately to have my counselling on the understanding that I needed to have a release and talk about things and I then could continue to stay strong and help the children. Also a waiting list for NHS counselling.
I've contacted numerous charities, nspcc, mind, wellbeing service, stop it now and children seen and heard. All have been extremely forthcoming in supporting me and the children. Two of my children are seen for their 1st app in the next couple of weeks.
When I asked sw what support would it entail all I got was they were the orchestraters and delegate their jobs to others. Wow- no direct answer then!!!
I've already done everything. They didn't think me that much of a risk considering contact for the children was set up and I was allowed to put all 4 children along with myself in the car and drive 45miles for the kids to see their dad. Wasn't so much of a risk that they left me for weeks with nothing!!!
They haven't provided me with any support so far other than a email to a housing officer in another county. The rest I have done myself. I've paid privately to have my counselling on the understanding that I needed to have a release and talk about things and I then could continue to stay strong and help the children. Also a waiting list for NHS counselling.
I've contacted numerous charities, nspcc, mind, wellbeing service, stop it now and children seen and heard. All have been extremely forthcoming in supporting me and the children. Two of my children are seen for their 1st app in the next couple of weeks.
When I asked sw what support would it entail all I got was they were the orchestraters and delegate their jobs to others. Wow- no direct answer then!!!
I've already done everything. They didn't think me that much of a risk considering contact for the children was set up and I was allowed to put all 4 children along with myself in the car and drive 45miles for the kids to see their dad. Wasn't so much of a risk that they left me for weeks with nothing!!!
Thank you. I've filled a full folder on what I've achieved for myself and children. I've wrote my own report amd I've had some self care- now tucked up in bed ready for my big day tomorrow. Thank you for all your support ladies xx
Well ladies, been for the meeting.
Happy to say that no cp plan. Everyone in the room opposed it. Stated how little ss had actually done.
The fact that even though I had the blip with my mental health they could see how much of a protective factor I was for my children with regards to seeking support.
The chair went to the social worker and even she backtracked and she stated "upon reflection during the meeting" she could see I had made progress. Actually wanted to get up and be abit physical, but I behaved.
Happy to say that no cp plan. Everyone in the room opposed it. Stated how little ss had actually done.
The fact that even though I had the blip with my mental health they could see how much of a protective factor I was for my children with regards to seeking support.
The chair went to the social worker and even she backtracked and she stated "upon reflection during the meeting" she could see I had made progress. Actually wanted to get up and be abit physical, but I behaved.
In terms of support- nothing was set out for cin.
Next meeting is 20th. However I have already raised one concern and their response is shocking- so they want to assign me a male social worker. I have stated I don't think this would be very wise considering the circumstances I.e 7 masked men at their house. I dont believe the children will engage.Social worker raised it with her manager, their reply "well the children haven't been subjected to sexual harm from their dad, so can't see the issue as to why they wouldnt engage " Face in palm at that response
Next meeting is 20th. However I have already raised one concern and their response is shocking- so they want to assign me a male social worker. I have stated I don't think this would be very wise considering the circumstances I.e 7 masked men at their house. I dont believe the children will engage.Social worker raised it with her manager, their reply "well the children haven't been subjected to sexual harm from their dad, so can't see the issue as to why they wouldnt engage " Face in palm at that response
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To be honest, everyone in that room agreed with me with regards to everything I had done and accessed myself.
I brought that up at the end of the meeting and everyone was in agreement, in fairness even the social worker herself, she however brought it up with her manager and that was the response she got.
Two of my children are due to start counselling, when they rang to arrange the app, she stated it would be a male, I asked her did she think this was a good idea considering the circumstances, she looked through her notes and declared to me that "no, not such a good idea" she then went on to change the children's counsellor to a female.
If one professional body could see my views, then why can't a professional that's supposed to be safeguarding my children's emotional wellbeing?!
It begs the question of what are they actually playing at?! Having a male is going to make the children shut down completely, they will not engage with him.
Thank you will have a nose at these research papers.
I brought that up at the end of the meeting and everyone was in agreement, in fairness even the social worker herself, she however brought it up with her manager and that was the response she got.
Two of my children are due to start counselling, when they rang to arrange the app, she stated it would be a male, I asked her did she think this was a good idea considering the circumstances, she looked through her notes and declared to me that "no, not such a good idea" she then went on to change the children's counsellor to a female.
If one professional body could see my views, then why can't a professional that's supposed to be safeguarding my children's emotional wellbeing?!
It begs the question of what are they actually playing at?! Having a male is going to make the children shut down completely, they will not engage with him.
Thank you will have a nose at these research papers.