Family and Friends Forum

Met my ex partner last night, for the long awaited chat and read of court report I’d been craving. We’d talked on the phone while he was inside, he says if it wasn’t for me he couldn’t have carried on. I sometimes wish I’d cut contact at the beginning but couldn’t do it. He was in prison for 2 years, now on license for another 2. He’s been out nearly 3 months. We met for a drink where he’s now living told him not a date but as much as I hate to admit it, I had a good night, it was like old times. After a few drinks we went back to the very basic flat he’s been given to temporarily live in. He gave me the report he’d been given, actually when I read it found out i’d already read most of it in the local paper at the time!! It basically was a pre sentence report that ripped him to shreds. I’d wanted to read the actual conversation he’d had with the police decoy on the app, who'd instigated the chat, who’d said what, did they encourage him, etc etc…. Who keeps all that coppers. suppose I’ll never know n maybe don’t wanna. He says he can’t remember most of it because he had been hammering the drink at the time which was true. But wether he’s chose to forget some parts too… He said some of what was in the report wasn’t true I said why didn’t u challenge it. He says he couldn’t because he was given it the evening before he was in court via video link while on remand. He says he had no means of contacting his solicitor and then prison officers told him next morning he was due in court. Easy conviction maybe!!

Anyway was 2am when I looked at the time, ended up staying the night, he slept downstairs in a chair. This morning was bit teary didn’t really want to leave him, him same. Suppose all old feelings came flooding back. Thanks to anyone who reads this and understands hope everyone is ok, and for those who are just starting this journey stay strong xx

Meant to put HIM not if in the title lol. Thanks guys for your replies means a lot, saw a friend this afternoon and told her that I'd seen him and while she's never been judgemental and said I've got to do what's right for me, it's still nice to talk to someone who's been in the same situation and understands. Like I said to him wish I could hate him but I can't seem to, just hate what he did and for ruining what we had. Suppose like they say times a healer xx

Daffodil I think it’s because its my way of thinking it’d be an easy way to walk away. Suppose I think too much about what other people think, and about what they think I should do and not enough about myself and my thoughts. People finding out was my worst fear and when they did I wanted to just run away I didn't but always felt people were talking or felt sorry for me ( me being paranoid) eventually I changed jobs went somewhere new where no one knows me and probably feel even more lonely. My parents are a factor too, i wouldn’t wanna let them down so to speak. so I pretend I’ve moved on when I think they know I haven’t (not gone out with anyone else since) but I think they’d not be happy if they found out I’d met up with him or that I’m even still in contact with him, even though they liked him and were shocked when it happened. They were the first I turned to when i came home to police in my house (I moved back in with them for a while) so they saw how distraught I was at the time.

Thanks for all your kind words and advice there is some truly strong ladies on this forum xx

Hi busylizzie hope your ok, I'm just glad there is this forum where you can speak to people who understand because unless you've been there u can't begin to fully understand or judge people. Friends will try to advise and everybody has there own opinion on this sort of crime don't they. Part of me has got stronger and sometimes I think it's no one else's business who I choose to talk to or meet up with. But then other days i worry what people would people think if they ever saw us together or knew I still spoke to him even after all this time, take care xx