Advice needed
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Hi all, advice needed please.
Last March (2021), was when we got the knock about my husband being linked to 2 images on an app. He insisted nothing to do with him, confessed to other stuff. Investigation began with the police but like a fool, believed this would all come to nothing l. We moved on, bought a house, i ended up pregnant.
Fast forward to the baby comes early, the day his follow up interview is scheduled for but gets rearranged due to early baby circumstances.
Suddenly social services are at the hospital telling me images are linked to him on his laptop and phone. About 60-70 images over 4 years, all but one deleted. A mix of all image types, prohibited to cat A.
Husband insists nothing to do with him still. Now not really believing it but confused as to why he's going to make his sentencing worse by not admitting it. Finally after 4 weeks of denial he confesses, claiming he had pushed the behaviour to the back of his mind and only after a series on nightmares realised that was real. Sounds iffy and I don't really believe it but at least he confessed.
I'm potentially willing, after probably several years of therapy/councelling and assessments to have him back in our lives.
However here's the hard and confusing bit .
So far, social services have only had me sign something to say he can't be left alone with baby i.e. I leave the house. He in theory could still be living with me and baby but we are not as this is a bigger mess than just pictures. Is this common? Seems like most people are banned from living at home straight away so confused as to why he hasn't been.
Equally, my family are aware, as we are very close and were living with them on initial knock. They're obviously furious he continued to lie, as am I. But several have said if I decided to continue to see him even not in a relationship capacity, they would not support me/want me around. This is pretty difficult as theoretically means a choice to make, him or them.
It's very early days (although it's 14 months into it now/6 weeks since the social worker revalations) and I'm not making decisions any way with regards to our relationship in the future. Right now I cannot pick my family over my husband, as both on good days provide me with such different things. However has anyone experienced this and had family reconsider their statements after the person has worked on themselves?
Is there any particular courses/therapy people would suggest for myself/him that are particularly good for me getting through this or him working out why he did this and stopping it ever happen again?
I fully understand my families reaction and if this were me would be the same. But I cannot just switch of love, even though I am angry and disgusted.
Last March (2021), was when we got the knock about my husband being linked to 2 images on an app. He insisted nothing to do with him, confessed to other stuff. Investigation began with the police but like a fool, believed this would all come to nothing l. We moved on, bought a house, i ended up pregnant.
Fast forward to the baby comes early, the day his follow up interview is scheduled for but gets rearranged due to early baby circumstances.
Suddenly social services are at the hospital telling me images are linked to him on his laptop and phone. About 60-70 images over 4 years, all but one deleted. A mix of all image types, prohibited to cat A.
Husband insists nothing to do with him still. Now not really believing it but confused as to why he's going to make his sentencing worse by not admitting it. Finally after 4 weeks of denial he confesses, claiming he had pushed the behaviour to the back of his mind and only after a series on nightmares realised that was real. Sounds iffy and I don't really believe it but at least he confessed.
I'm potentially willing, after probably several years of therapy/councelling and assessments to have him back in our lives.
However here's the hard and confusing bit .
So far, social services have only had me sign something to say he can't be left alone with baby i.e. I leave the house. He in theory could still be living with me and baby but we are not as this is a bigger mess than just pictures. Is this common? Seems like most people are banned from living at home straight away so confused as to why he hasn't been.
Equally, my family are aware, as we are very close and were living with them on initial knock. They're obviously furious he continued to lie, as am I. But several have said if I decided to continue to see him even not in a relationship capacity, they would not support me/want me around. This is pretty difficult as theoretically means a choice to make, him or them.
It's very early days (although it's 14 months into it now/6 weeks since the social worker revalations) and I'm not making decisions any way with regards to our relationship in the future. Right now I cannot pick my family over my husband, as both on good days provide me with such different things. However has anyone experienced this and had family reconsider their statements after the person has worked on themselves?
Is there any particular courses/therapy people would suggest for myself/him that are particularly good for me getting through this or him working out why he did this and stopping it ever happen again?
I fully understand my families reaction and if this were me would be the same. But I cannot just switch of love, even though I am angry and disgusted.
Hi,
I did the course by llf ( Lucy faithful foundation ) there are modules he can work through on the llf website to ascertain why he has done wat he has done, I have also done a level 2 safeguarding course. I hope this helps to start with
I did the course by llf ( Lucy faithful foundation ) there are modules he can work through on the llf website to ascertain why he has done wat he has done, I have also done a level 2 safeguarding course. I hope this helps to start with
Thanks both, means a lot to get replies from people going through the same thing, though sorry you have had to.
He's signed up for the safer lived course help and called the helplines etc and is looking for a therapist to work through this with as well. Maybe then he can work out why he was in denial, but also why he wanted to look in the first place. We have a long way to go before I could even think to trust him again, but doing the things suggested will definitely work towards it.
I will definitely look into doing the courses for myself as well.
Agree having looked at past posts SS are a total mess and seem to vary literally who you get assigned even in the same department which is so bad. Luckily the one I have currently seems the less judgemental kind which makes it a little easier as don't feel, at the moment, they're going to make me outs as an awful mother for being confused and mixed as to loving him still (as can't just turn it off instantly) but also furious/disgusted with him. No matter what I know he cannot be around until he's had lots of help.
Taking each day at a time, flip flopping from all ranges of emotion, thinking how it would be so easier to cut him entirely from my life but also so upset at the thought of loosing my best friend.
Stay strong everyone who's dealing with this situation. Although I really don't want to be a part of this club, I'm glad it exists.
He's signed up for the safer lived course help and called the helplines etc and is looking for a therapist to work through this with as well. Maybe then he can work out why he was in denial, but also why he wanted to look in the first place. We have a long way to go before I could even think to trust him again, but doing the things suggested will definitely work towards it.
I will definitely look into doing the courses for myself as well.
Agree having looked at past posts SS are a total mess and seem to vary literally who you get assigned even in the same department which is so bad. Luckily the one I have currently seems the less judgemental kind which makes it a little easier as don't feel, at the moment, they're going to make me outs as an awful mother for being confused and mixed as to loving him still (as can't just turn it off instantly) but also furious/disgusted with him. No matter what I know he cannot be around until he's had lots of help.
Taking each day at a time, flip flopping from all ranges of emotion, thinking how it would be so easier to cut him entirely from my life but also so upset at the thought of loosing my best friend.
Stay strong everyone who's dealing with this situation. Although I really don't want to be a part of this club, I'm glad it exists.
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