Bereft
Notifications OFF
My autistic son was stung by vigilantes 4 weeks ago. Communicating with a 14 yr old online in a sexual manner. I'm absolutely distraught. My 2 other sons won't now let him see my little grandsons until it's over . I've no idea where to turn. It's all just too shocking and overwhelming.
I'm so sorry you're hear Winnie.
How are you doing? Have you sought out any kind of help for you for this?
How old is your autistic son? Vigilante cases can be very tricky, in my opinion they should not stand up in a court of law...
I don't know much about them but other on here do so hopefully they can help
How are you doing? Have you sought out any kind of help for you for this?
How old is your autistic son? Vigilante cases can be very tricky, in my opinion they should not stand up in a court of law...
I don't know much about them but other on here do so hopefully they can help
Thank you so much for your reply . He's 23. Yes, we are taking an help that is open including LFF and social services. He is pretty much isolated, no friends etc due to his social interaction difficulties. I feel like I've got to choose between him and his brothers . It's very tough as he is socially isolated and obv vulnerable
Hello Winnie X
There will be women here who are in your situation with the vigilantes and your sons autism. This is so hard. Take one day at a time and deal with each situation one at a time.
X
There will be women here who are in your situation with the vigilantes and your sons autism. This is so hard. Take one day at a time and deal with each situation one at a time.
X
Give yourself and family time to adjust (even if you don't understand the various reactions) , it is long, hard and difficult but the way you feel now will alter over time (honestly it does). Keep posting on here, it really really helps to know your not the only one, it is a lonely journey at times x keep your head up xxxxx
Morning Winnie07
So sorry for what you and your son is going through x
My son was not live streamed so my situation is different but the impact is the same
It is early days for you all so things will settle so please be kind to yourself
We are all here to offer support and I just wanted to send you a virtual hug xx
So sorry for what you and your son is going through x
My son was not live streamed so my situation is different but the impact is the same
It is early days for you all so things will settle so please be kind to yourself
We are all here to offer support and I just wanted to send you a virtual hug xx
I'm his appropriate adult which is really tough. He told the police he wanted a friend and disclosed very early on in the chat that he had autism. The whole thing only lasted 1 week. He said he tried to delete the chat and they kept reconnecting. My heart sinks at his naivety
Hi Winnie.
My situation is different as it was my husband and we experienced the knock not vigilantes. I've only just started posting on here recently after reading people's stories since Christmas and find this support group a great comfort. It's a lonely crime for the offender and their families, and there seems to be many families going through this but nobody can talk about it.
I think no matter the circumstances we all end up with the same feelings and we all experience similar situations regarding people's opinion of the offence. I understand about having to choose between the offender and other family members as its been made clear to me that if I support my husband then people will keep their distance which is really sad. I wish people could understand I support my husband, not his crime!!
I'd love if people were willing to listen for a few minutes but the more I try to explain how it happened (depression causing poor choices and porn addiction that escalated like every addiction does) the more I sound like I'm making excuses for bad behaviour and then I feel shame and worry that people think I'm being very naive.
I think every offender stands a better chance of not commiting a crime again if they have a strong support network around them and the possibility of a good life after rehabilitating. I don't think judgement, isolation, hate and hostility ever helped anyone, that's all I wish people could understand.
My situation is different as it was my husband and we experienced the knock not vigilantes. I've only just started posting on here recently after reading people's stories since Christmas and find this support group a great comfort. It's a lonely crime for the offender and their families, and there seems to be many families going through this but nobody can talk about it.
I think no matter the circumstances we all end up with the same feelings and we all experience similar situations regarding people's opinion of the offence. I understand about having to choose between the offender and other family members as its been made clear to me that if I support my husband then people will keep their distance which is really sad. I wish people could understand I support my husband, not his crime!!
I'd love if people were willing to listen for a few minutes but the more I try to explain how it happened (depression causing poor choices and porn addiction that escalated like every addiction does) the more I sound like I'm making excuses for bad behaviour and then I feel shame and worry that people think I'm being very naive.
I think every offender stands a better chance of not commiting a crime again if they have a strong support network around them and the possibility of a good life after rehabilitating. I don't think judgement, isolation, hate and hostility ever helped anyone, that's all I wish people could understand.
Post deleted
Post deleted
Thank you so much everyone, I've been torturing myself for 4 weeks now. The whole vigilante thing was so traumatic , they were running up and down the road banging on neighbours doors etc.
yes Daffodil, he has been referred for a social services assessment. He was 19 when he was diagnosed after a very difficult time growing up. He seemed to be holding his own but obviously he's been struggling.
He has no friends so I'm hoping social services can suggest some social outlets for him to address this.
he has been allocated a practitioner with LFF so we are awaiting the start of this too.
the solicitor we have seems reasonably clued up and said quite a large proportion of his workload is with autism and learning difficulties.
we are now in the long process of his phone being analysed and awaiting to see if he will be charged or not but been told it will be a long wait.
I don't think he has co existing mh problems so not sure if that is appropriate right now. We haven't been to gp so far
Daffodil, what are these 9 areas you refer to ?
yes Daffodil, he has been referred for a social services assessment. He was 19 when he was diagnosed after a very difficult time growing up. He seemed to be holding his own but obviously he's been struggling.
He has no friends so I'm hoping social services can suggest some social outlets for him to address this.
he has been allocated a practitioner with LFF so we are awaiting the start of this too.
the solicitor we have seems reasonably clued up and said quite a large proportion of his workload is with autism and learning difficulties.
we are now in the long process of his phone being analysed and awaiting to see if he will be charged or not but been told it will be a long wait.
I don't think he has co existing mh problems so not sure if that is appropriate right now. We haven't been to gp so far
Daffodil, what are these 9 areas you refer to ?
Christmas Chaos - you echo my thoughts completely! X
Post deleted
Hi Winnie
I am so sorry you find yourself here but you have come to the right place for support from all the members on this forum.
I agree with everything Daffodil has said. I think it is really important you try and find some local support for you and your son, as already mentioned your local carers group would be a good place to start if you are not a member. You could also look into if you have a local autism group maybe.
You say you have been told it will be quite a while before a decision is made whether to charge your son or not. Before the young person in our family was charged we submitted paperwork incuding his diagnosis letter of Autism and as a family we wrote a letter detailing how autism affects him - this was so all relevant information was taken into account by the police/CPS arriving at a decision to charge or not.
I have just looked at the CPS website which does say that in making a charging decision that any information provided by the suspect about his Autism and how if affects him or any information provided by family or friends in regards to the suspect's Autism can be taken into account. This may be useful for you to look at or ask your solicitor about.
The CPS link to this, which is in a lot more detail is
https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/mental-health-suspects-and-defendants-mental-health-conditions-or-disorders
If I think of anything else I will post again.
Thinking of you and your son x
Lee - Many thanks for your kind words
I am so sorry you find yourself here but you have come to the right place for support from all the members on this forum.
I agree with everything Daffodil has said. I think it is really important you try and find some local support for you and your son, as already mentioned your local carers group would be a good place to start if you are not a member. You could also look into if you have a local autism group maybe.
You say you have been told it will be quite a while before a decision is made whether to charge your son or not. Before the young person in our family was charged we submitted paperwork incuding his diagnosis letter of Autism and as a family we wrote a letter detailing how autism affects him - this was so all relevant information was taken into account by the police/CPS arriving at a decision to charge or not.
I have just looked at the CPS website which does say that in making a charging decision that any information provided by the suspect about his Autism and how if affects him or any information provided by family or friends in regards to the suspect's Autism can be taken into account. This may be useful for you to look at or ask your solicitor about.
The CPS link to this, which is in a lot more detail is
https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/mental-health-suspects-and-defendants-mental-health-conditions-or-disorders
If I think of anything else I will post again.
Thinking of you and your son x
Lee - Many thanks for your kind words
Thank you so much to all who have replied - you are all so kind and helpful x
Daffodil, just wondered what kind of help was triggered by him meeting so many of the areas of need ?
im probably in a similar position with my son. He has just ticked along and now this has happened with the vigilante episode, it's raked up all sorts of issues.
thank you
im probably in a similar position with my son. He has just ticked along and now this has happened with the vigilante episode, it's raked up all sorts of issues.
thank you
Post deleted