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So I haven't heard from old old friends who are friends with an old best friend who I told last year and she didn't take it well... She went completely cold turkey on not just my partner but me...
Has anyone ever experienced telling someone who then went and told other behind their back.
Has anyone ever experienced telling someone who then went and told other behind their back.
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Hi Blackhound,
I experienced something similar. We lost a lot of friends through this and one particular who said they were there for me basically just wanted info to pass onto the others. One thing this situation teaches you is who your true friends are. I know exactly who mine are and although there's only a handful I treasure them with everything I have xx
I experienced something similar. We lost a lot of friends through this and one particular who said they were there for me basically just wanted info to pass onto the others. One thing this situation teaches you is who your true friends are. I know exactly who mine are and although there's only a handful I treasure them with everything I have xx
Luckily enough I have not felt the effects other than this single friend yet of telling people... I'm so sorry you lost your friends because of this...
A friend I considered very close at the time completely abandoned me when I told her what my son had done. It hurt big time but I soon realised some people just carnt cope with it, it's really their choice, perhaps they don't intend to be harsh or hurtful.
This really spoke to me because that's exactly what is happening with me.. And I do often think that I respect her decision not to speak to me because people just cannot handle it... This person is a wonderful person and they are the last person in the world to hurt others... So I know that if she's decided to drop off my radar then that's of course what's best for her...
I find it so difficult to not overworry about who knows what, I'm slightly paranoid in that sense, but growth is painful and I've been trying to as of late care less about the people who wonder in and out of my life... If they wanted to keep in touch they would.
Thanks x
A friend I considered very close at the time completely abandoned me when I told her what my son had done. It hurt big time but I soon realised some people just carnt cope with it, it's really their choice, perhaps they don't intend to be harsh or hurtful.
This really spoke to me because that's exactly what is happening with me.. And I do often think that I respect her decision not to speak to me because people just cannot handle it... This person is a wonderful person and they are the last person in the world to hurt others... So I know that if she's decided to drop off my radar then that's of course what's best for her...
I find it so difficult to not overworry about who knows what, I'm slightly paranoid in that sense, but growth is painful and I've been trying to as of late care less about the people who wonder in and out of my life... If they wanted to keep in touch they would.
Thanks x
Hope for the future..
I hate gossips in this situation, there's not a need to ferry information over to others... I genuinely believe that this experience does teach you who is there but I've only told two friends and one decided to walk out from my life...
I'm scared to tell anyone else because tbh I would know their recations...
I hate gossips in this situation, there's not a need to ferry information over to others... I genuinely believe that this experience does teach you who is there but I've only told two friends and one decided to walk out from my life...
I'm scared to tell anyone else because tbh I would know their recations...
I need some advice please
So in your families does the offender still mix with everyone say for eg when there is a celebration?
We have a gathering coming up and I am one side thinking or declining the invitation as the offender is going. On the other hand I am thinking of telling the family as it is a childs bday party and they don't know he is an offender.
I don't want to tell as I'd rather it be kept a secret with just who knows in the family, but then I will end up not going to events and missing out and I don't know if I am just over reacting and it being my fault for how I feel?
So in your families does the offender still mix with everyone say for eg when there is a celebration?
We have a gathering coming up and I am one side thinking or declining the invitation as the offender is going. On the other hand I am thinking of telling the family as it is a childs bday party and they don't know he is an offender.
I don't want to tell as I'd rather it be kept a secret with just who knows in the family, but then I will end up not going to events and missing out and I don't know if I am just over reacting and it being my fault for how I feel?
Hi Dino,
I know my partner (sort of) wouldn't want to go to a childrens birthday party unless close family. All of both families know about his offences so I would imagine that if he was invited everyone would be supervising their children. Is there someone who can supervise him throughout?
I can't remember what your family member was convicted of or if it is at the stage of conviction but unless he has contact offended it is possibly an overreaction (understandably as none of us know how to react in these situations). I think telling people would cause more distress to your family than the offender as most men in this situation are aware that they could lose family and friends when they find out. Have you done any courses that offer explanations as to what leads people to this point? Most people on here recognise that although these offences are abhorrent the people who commit them are not bad people they have made mistakes, monumental ones that have a massive impact on everyone around them but mistakes. I hope that you make decisions that you are comfortable with whatever you decide xx
I know my partner (sort of) wouldn't want to go to a childrens birthday party unless close family. All of both families know about his offences so I would imagine that if he was invited everyone would be supervising their children. Is there someone who can supervise him throughout?
I can't remember what your family member was convicted of or if it is at the stage of conviction but unless he has contact offended it is possibly an overreaction (understandably as none of us know how to react in these situations). I think telling people would cause more distress to your family than the offender as most men in this situation are aware that they could lose family and friends when they find out. Have you done any courses that offer explanations as to what leads people to this point? Most people on here recognise that although these offences are abhorrent the people who commit them are not bad people they have made mistakes, monumental ones that have a massive impact on everyone around them but mistakes. I hope that you make decisions that you are comfortable with whatever you decide xx
Heya
I've worked out from those going only one other than myself will know about the conviction and yes I get what you mean it wasn't contact offences but more storage of content
So yes I understand what you mean I have not gone on the courses, as I don't feel they are accessible I would not want to do a group course. I've been having telephone counselling instead of which I only have 2 sessions left. I've made good progress but had a set back with this.
I was having a bad day the other day and nearly emailed the father of the child about the offender being on the register (past conviction) but luckily I stopped myself!! The offender obviously doesn't get why there are issues in the family and last time we spoke he says it is in the past and doesn't want to go over things again. Basically in past chats he went on about issues with our parents, it was a coping mechanism, addiction, told an uncle about difficulties in his childhood but not told me what exactly this stuff is or well stuff I do know to me just seems like normal disagreements. So in turn I now find it hard to get on with other family members. Those ones won't be at this party.
I hardly ever see this side of the family so I do plan on going, I don't think there will be many kids there anyway it's more of a baby's party. I feel I do get lonely and I really don't want to be turning invitations down when they have made the effort to invite me.
I've worked out from those going only one other than myself will know about the conviction and yes I get what you mean it wasn't contact offences but more storage of content
So yes I understand what you mean I have not gone on the courses, as I don't feel they are accessible I would not want to do a group course. I've been having telephone counselling instead of which I only have 2 sessions left. I've made good progress but had a set back with this.
I was having a bad day the other day and nearly emailed the father of the child about the offender being on the register (past conviction) but luckily I stopped myself!! The offender obviously doesn't get why there are issues in the family and last time we spoke he says it is in the past and doesn't want to go over things again. Basically in past chats he went on about issues with our parents, it was a coping mechanism, addiction, told an uncle about difficulties in his childhood but not told me what exactly this stuff is or well stuff I do know to me just seems like normal disagreements. So in turn I now find it hard to get on with other family members. Those ones won't be at this party.
I hardly ever see this side of the family so I do plan on going, I don't think there will be many kids there anyway it's more of a baby's party. I feel I do get lonely and I really don't want to be turning invitations down when they have made the effort to invite me.
Dino you've done nothing wrong, no need for you not to go.
Does the offender have any contact restrictions ? If so can he make an excuse not to go. He doesn't need to put himself in any potential situations.
if so contact restrictions and he really really wants to go, he needs to make sure he is supervised by someone at all times for his own and other peoples peace of mind
Does the offender have any contact restrictions ? If so can he make an excuse not to go. He doesn't need to put himself in any potential situations.
if so contact restrictions and he really really wants to go, he needs to make sure he is supervised by someone at all times for his own and other peoples peace of mind
I'm pleased that you are making progress with your counselling. Lots of things can trigger setbacks for us as family and friends and we all rough days, it's a normal response to an abnormal situation. Do you feel close enough to the other person who knows that you could ask them prior to the party to share in supervising? At least that way you may feel more comfortable attending.
I haven't done the inform course yet, I'm waiting for a start date but I have learnt a lot from the forum and have had my initial meeting. My understanding is that there isn't any judgement for anyone who chooses to stay or cut contact. I'm hoping that the group, like the forum, offers the same support to each other regardless of the relationship to the offender xx
I haven't done the inform course yet, I'm waiting for a start date but I have learnt a lot from the forum and have had my initial meeting. My understanding is that there isn't any judgement for anyone who chooses to stay or cut contact. I'm hoping that the group, like the forum, offers the same support to each other regardless of the relationship to the offender xx