New/son/lies
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I really don't know how to start. But I'm glad I found this as I understand it's a taboo subject.
My son is in is late 20s got the knock last week. I'm not sure he's telling us the truth and wish he would. They took away all his phones/laptops ect. He was there all day.He said this happened a year ago. His words are he spoke to a 12year old girl without knowing being flirty and it was a police officer. I've tried to ask what was said but he says he can't remember. The police showed him what was said.He admits he was flirty talking about how he'd like to spank her and how good she'd look in the back seat of his car. Appart from that that's all we know as he's over 18. He is on bail and can't be unsupervised with an under 18.I ve read loads on here and seen the same thing and they got off with a caution. That's why I don't believe he's being honest. He's says it's the only convo he's had with a young girl and sewn no photos, although the police said something about had he seen a picture of her in her school uniform.
I'm really struggling more that he's maybe not telling the truth then I could deal with it all he says he didn't see that she was 12. I don't believe him because of the severity of what the police have done. I know it could be worse but we don't know what they will find?
I feel sick, I feel I can't support unless I know the truth, he will not say, he lives alone and as threatened suicide.
His dad and sister know they are supporting him. I feel bad for my feelings. I love and hate him right now. How could these blokes be so stupid. This could wreck his life.
I know it's going to drag on and I might never know until he goes to court.Even then I may never know.
My son is in is late 20s got the knock last week. I'm not sure he's telling us the truth and wish he would. They took away all his phones/laptops ect. He was there all day.He said this happened a year ago. His words are he spoke to a 12year old girl without knowing being flirty and it was a police officer. I've tried to ask what was said but he says he can't remember. The police showed him what was said.He admits he was flirty talking about how he'd like to spank her and how good she'd look in the back seat of his car. Appart from that that's all we know as he's over 18. He is on bail and can't be unsupervised with an under 18.I ve read loads on here and seen the same thing and they got off with a caution. That's why I don't believe he's being honest. He's says it's the only convo he's had with a young girl and sewn no photos, although the police said something about had he seen a picture of her in her school uniform.
I'm really struggling more that he's maybe not telling the truth then I could deal with it all he says he didn't see that she was 12. I don't believe him because of the severity of what the police have done. I know it could be worse but we don't know what they will find?
I feel sick, I feel I can't support unless I know the truth, he will not say, he lives alone and as threatened suicide.
His dad and sister know they are supporting him. I feel bad for my feelings. I love and hate him right now. How could these blokes be so stupid. This could wreck his life.
I know it's going to drag on and I might never know until he goes to court.Even then I may never know.
Hello Dollydoo,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
In the meantime, if you haven’t done so already, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop It Now! helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care of yourself,
Lucy
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
In the meantime, if you haven’t done so already, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop It Now! helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support. Our trained advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care of yourself,
Lucy
Hi DollyDo sorry you find yourself here. Its common that people will not share the full extent/ try to minimise to partners and parents. And often people won't remember exactly what was said.
Cautions are extremely rare from what I've seen. It's very hard to get your head around how even "just" a conversation can be interpreted by the law. Based on what you said, it would likely be interpreted as wanted/ was attempting to carry out the things he said, which would of course be illegal and even talking in a sexual way to children is illegal.
It's very very hard to get your head around that "just" a conversation could lead to such heavy consequences. The decoys only need to mention their age once and they may not then carry on to behave like a 12 year old. So it is possible it could have been missed, ignored or that he didn't believe it when she said she was 12.
Perhaps call the helpline. They are very good.
Cautions are extremely rare from what I've seen. It's very hard to get your head around how even "just" a conversation can be interpreted by the law. Based on what you said, it would likely be interpreted as wanted/ was attempting to carry out the things he said, which would of course be illegal and even talking in a sexual way to children is illegal.
It's very very hard to get your head around that "just" a conversation could lead to such heavy consequences. The decoys only need to mention their age once and they may not then carry on to behave like a 12 year old. So it is possible it could have been missed, ignored or that he didn't believe it when she said she was 12.
Perhaps call the helpline. They are very good.
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Hi Lucy
Thank you! For your reply.I was about to give up. That is really helpful thanks again, I hope you get this as I'm not savy with anything like this this.
Dollydoo x
Thank you! For your reply.I was about to give up. That is really helpful thanks again, I hope you get this as I'm not savy with anything like this this.
Dollydoo x
Hi Sal
I think you maybe right with the caution thing, I think it's better to hear it from someone else as it sinks in better, I think may brain is trying to find excuses of a mistake but my gut tells me he's done it???? .Thank you for your reply I was about to give up.xxx
Dolly doo x
I think you maybe right with the caution thing, I think it's better to hear it from someone else as it sinks in better, I think may brain is trying to find excuses of a mistake but my gut tells me he's done it???? .Thank you for your reply I was about to give up.xxx
Dolly doo x
To Quand
You are definitely right and bang on when you say they fell into a darkness and that they don't see the consiquences, that's exactly what I think happened.
Sorry your in the same situation with your son. Im still supporting my son but not what he's done, he won't talk about it which is worst so it's as though it never happened.
If that's how he's dealing with it then I have to roll with it, I've tried the tough approach and soft but there's not much more to say.
I'm sure I'll know more in time. I suppose we just have to get on with life as best as we can.
Dollydoo xxx
You are definitely right and bang on when you say they fell into a darkness and that they don't see the consiquences, that's exactly what I think happened.
Sorry your in the same situation with your son. Im still supporting my son but not what he's done, he won't talk about it which is worst so it's as though it never happened.
If that's how he's dealing with it then I have to roll with it, I've tried the tough approach and soft but there's not much more to say.
I'm sure I'll know more in time. I suppose we just have to get on with life as best as we can.
Dollydoo xxx
To daffodil
Yes your right...hate what he's done not the person. That's stuck with me thank you for replying to me I was about to give up.
I'm sorry you find yourself on here , what are we to do...just carry on that's all we can do.
Dollydoo xx
Yes your right...hate what he's done not the person. That's stuck with me thank you for replying to me I was about to give up.
I'm sorry you find yourself on here , what are we to do...just carry on that's all we can do.
Dollydoo xx
Hi Dolly do
I've been in a similar situation my son had the knock 2 years ago he went on to be charged with indecent images. It was something that I could not understand it was devastating. He was honest with me and I was at court with him. I totally understand that you can love your son so much but also hate what he has done. My son also lived alone and I woke up every morning terrified he had taken his life I made myself ill. I also believed his life moving forward was ruined. But 2 years on it's getting a little easier. Please look after yourself first so you can stay strong for your son I'm sending a virtual hug take care xx
I've been in a similar situation my son had the knock 2 years ago he went on to be charged with indecent images. It was something that I could not understand it was devastating. He was honest with me and I was at court with him. I totally understand that you can love your son so much but also hate what he has done. My son also lived alone and I woke up every morning terrified he had taken his life I made myself ill. I also believed his life moving forward was ruined. But 2 years on it's getting a little easier. Please look after yourself first so you can stay strong for your son I'm sending a virtual hug take care xx
Hi Lily
Thanks for your reply, if you don't mind me asking what was his sentence? I'm glad to hear it's getting abit easier with time. I'm the same he lives alone and I'm worried every day, But I can't let it rule my life I have so much on myself to deal with.I will carry on supporting him whenever he needs me
What a bloomin nightmare????.
Dollydoo
Thanks for your reply, if you don't mind me asking what was his sentence? I'm glad to hear it's getting abit easier with time. I'm the same he lives alone and I'm worried every day, But I can't let it rule my life I have so much on myself to deal with.I will carry on supporting him whenever he needs me
What a bloomin nightmare????.
Dollydoo
Hi Dollydoo
im so sorry you've found yourself on here ! You're definitely not alone and many of us on here have been shaken to the core and will never forget that dreadful day .
it's been 6 weeks now for us since the vigilantes hammered on our door after hunting down my autistic 23yr old. He thought she was 18 but after getting him into WhatsApp, she suddenly became 13 ! Unfortunately he carried on and was very explicit. This all happened over a few days. This is after he told the 'girl' he was autistic .
I don't think I'll ever get over the shock. My other 2 sons don't want to know so apart from an odd other person we are all alone. I've tortured myself with what iffs and the dread of charges and a sentence.
I honestly don't know how I've survived the past few weeks but don't look too far ahead and absorb all the help and support you can. You will always find positive vibes on here xxx
im so sorry you've found yourself on here ! You're definitely not alone and many of us on here have been shaken to the core and will never forget that dreadful day .
it's been 6 weeks now for us since the vigilantes hammered on our door after hunting down my autistic 23yr old. He thought she was 18 but after getting him into WhatsApp, she suddenly became 13 ! Unfortunately he carried on and was very explicit. This all happened over a few days. This is after he told the 'girl' he was autistic .
I don't think I'll ever get over the shock. My other 2 sons don't want to know so apart from an odd other person we are all alone. I've tortured myself with what iffs and the dread of charges and a sentence.
I honestly don't know how I've survived the past few weeks but don't look too far ahead and absorb all the help and support you can. You will always find positive vibes on here xxx
To Winnie
Thank you for your reply!
It's a nightmare isn't it,? All the waiting about what's going to happen, will people find out?
We keep it a secret from certain people. I'm sorry about your son's????if only everyone could be abit more open minded and research it.
For now we just have to plod on and wait, I'm trying to forget it on days.
Dollydoo xx
Thank you for your reply!
It's a nightmare isn't it,? All the waiting about what's going to happen, will people find out?
We keep it a secret from certain people. I'm sorry about your son's????if only everyone could be abit more open minded and research it.
For now we just have to plod on and wait, I'm trying to forget it on days.
Dollydoo xx