Nearly time for prison release!
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Some of you may remember me and my story. I have been fairly quiet on here recently but want to update you in case it helps anyone.
Husband (separated) is only a couple of weeks from release from prison after serving 1 year 2 months. After a fairly settled period the emotions are all being stirred up again! He phoned me this morning and he was in tears when we talked. He sees how much he has lost, and told me I should cherish having a home even if I have worries including getting builders in. He said, ‘enjoy those worries…i’d love to have them! I’m afraid I was angry with him and pointed out that he didn’t enjoy our home or else he wouldn’t have gone off and done his own selfish thing…then I felt bad as of course I understand it all in theory…but in practice it is so hard. Of course he misses his old life, and it must be very scary to think that on release he has to start over yet again.
He tells me Probation have now confirmed that they have fixed him up with single accommodation near where he was living before prison, he moved away suddenly from home due to vigilante sting and livestream. Accommodation available and is free of charge for a few weeks weeks whilst he gets finances and accommodation sorted for himself. I guess that’s something, as without it he would be homeless as most of his family have rejected him and he does not contact friends! He has to make his way there which will take all day. He will have no mobile phone as sim cancelled due to inactivity. I worry about him and have offered to help, and via me friends have offered to go and meet him but he wants no help. He wants to prove to himself that he can do it. I think the shame and fear is still so strong for him. He also said that he gets a free travel pass for the day, and prison give him the normal sum of money they give everyone on release, £76, plus up to a £100 if in his prison account, any excess is given by cheque. So at least we know that on release there is some support, I have been really worrying h about that!
I am encouraging him to have therapy again, as he is having disturbing flashbacks and I am sure that prison will have had an adverse impact on his mental health. There was no rehabilitation in there at all! I will also help him in any way I can, even though our marriage is over. I truly hope he finds peace and happiness. I hope too that I can settle again once through this next hurdle.
Thoughts are with you all, this is one hell of a journey to travel.
xxx
Husband (separated) is only a couple of weeks from release from prison after serving 1 year 2 months. After a fairly settled period the emotions are all being stirred up again! He phoned me this morning and he was in tears when we talked. He sees how much he has lost, and told me I should cherish having a home even if I have worries including getting builders in. He said, ‘enjoy those worries…i’d love to have them! I’m afraid I was angry with him and pointed out that he didn’t enjoy our home or else he wouldn’t have gone off and done his own selfish thing…then I felt bad as of course I understand it all in theory…but in practice it is so hard. Of course he misses his old life, and it must be very scary to think that on release he has to start over yet again.
He tells me Probation have now confirmed that they have fixed him up with single accommodation near where he was living before prison, he moved away suddenly from home due to vigilante sting and livestream. Accommodation available and is free of charge for a few weeks weeks whilst he gets finances and accommodation sorted for himself. I guess that’s something, as without it he would be homeless as most of his family have rejected him and he does not contact friends! He has to make his way there which will take all day. He will have no mobile phone as sim cancelled due to inactivity. I worry about him and have offered to help, and via me friends have offered to go and meet him but he wants no help. He wants to prove to himself that he can do it. I think the shame and fear is still so strong for him. He also said that he gets a free travel pass for the day, and prison give him the normal sum of money they give everyone on release, £76, plus up to a £100 if in his prison account, any excess is given by cheque. So at least we know that on release there is some support, I have been really worrying h about that!
I am encouraging him to have therapy again, as he is having disturbing flashbacks and I am sure that prison will have had an adverse impact on his mental health. There was no rehabilitation in there at all! I will also help him in any way I can, even though our marriage is over. I truly hope he finds peace and happiness. I hope too that I can settle again once through this next hurdle.
Thoughts are with you all, this is one hell of a journey to travel.
xxx
Evening Tabs
So good to hear from you I had been following your journey x
What a sad read this is I totally get he wants to prove himself once released but this journey has shown you need all.the support you can get x
I hope you are doing ok x
His life has been 4 walls for over a year so the anxiety will of course be there
The life before and the life now are so different but our offenders deserve a second chance
You have been so strong throughout this journey and have done what you can xx
But if he chooses not to accept your help you cannot change that
I hope once he knows the day he will step back and realise to move on and build a new normal he needs to accept all the support he is offered xx
So good to hear from you I had been following your journey x
What a sad read this is I totally get he wants to prove himself once released but this journey has shown you need all.the support you can get x
I hope you are doing ok x
His life has been 4 walls for over a year so the anxiety will of course be there
The life before and the life now are so different but our offenders deserve a second chance
You have been so strong throughout this journey and have done what you can xx
But if he chooses not to accept your help you cannot change that
I hope once he knows the day he will step back and realise to move on and build a new normal he needs to accept all the support he is offered xx
Thank you Upset Mum. I am doing ok, all things considered. You are so right in that we all need all the help we can get! I really do see the power of vulnerability (Brene Brown podcasts and books explore this brilliantly). I feel that because I was so vulnerable with everyone I knew at the start of this, I have been really well supported. I have grown as an individual and am so much more tolerant and kind.
the biggest complement I have had recently is by 2 people, on different occasions who said I look 'calm and peaceful' 'open and beautiful '!! I would disagree as I have aged considerably...but I think it confirms it's about what's within not about physical appearance! I have worked hard on my soul!
Hoping for a peaceful story ending for us all! One day, I am convinced, this will be seen as a national disgrace! xxx
the biggest complement I have had recently is by 2 people, on different occasions who said I look 'calm and peaceful' 'open and beautiful '!! I would disagree as I have aged considerably...but I think it confirms it's about what's within not about physical appearance! I have worked hard on my soul!
Hoping for a peaceful story ending for us all! One day, I am convinced, this will be seen as a national disgrace! xxx
Tabs
I get the aged bit god I have aged so much!
Glad to hear you have some great support and god knows this is so important x
You have to live your life in the best way you can and you have done everything you possibly could have done so you deserve to wake up every morning with the sun on your face, love in your heart and feel the warmth of love around you x
You have been there since day one, you have lived this horrendous journey bit now it is time to not look back only foreward and i hope you get to your happiness back in to your life x
The next time exhubby phones just let him know there is a group who dont judge and understand but he needs to accept all the help and support he does deserve xx
I get the aged bit god I have aged so much!
Glad to hear you have some great support and god knows this is so important x
You have to live your life in the best way you can and you have done everything you possibly could have done so you deserve to wake up every morning with the sun on your face, love in your heart and feel the warmth of love around you x
You have been there since day one, you have lived this horrendous journey bit now it is time to not look back only foreward and i hope you get to your happiness back in to your life x
The next time exhubby phones just let him know there is a group who dont judge and understand but he needs to accept all the help and support he does deserve xx
Your comments Tabs have been of comfort to me. My son will be homeless when he leaves prison, to hear your ex is getting support as regards accommodation gives me hope.....
I'm pleased this helps you smile through tears. He also tells me that probation will help him find work, he will probably set up as self employed again, and probation say they can help locate grants. He should be retiring early really as he is not physically well, but he is so proud that he wants to stand on his own two feet and not have me suffer with additional money worries. I'll keep you posted on his journey as I think this information is lacking on here. He will always be my friend. He broke our marriage vows and I know I can't live with him after that as I wouldn't be able to let it go. I deserve more. Not that I am looking for a relationship at all. He was my one and only and if he can let me down...well?!
xx
xx
Tabs thank you for sharing, it's such an informative post. You appear to be very strong. It's a reminder for me that if I stay or leave, this journey is unlikely to come to an end for me until he's back on his feet. Like your ex, my "partner" will have no where to go, although we are a long way from that, it's comforting to know he'll have some support. It breaks my heart thinking about everything he's lost and what it might be like for him after, but I hope somewhere along the journey, that I'm able to separate that feeling of heart break and some feeling of guilt and duty, from actually what I what.
Thank you once again for sharing, I too hope you find some peace through this next chapter. It sounds like you've been a huge support to him.
Thank you once again for sharing, I too hope you find some peace through this next chapter. It sounds like you've been a huge support to him.
Any info would be great Tabs. My son has a long time before his parole date but he's a good worker - I just pray he gets the support to get back on his feet.......
keep strong in your journey x
keep strong in your journey x
I think many people on this journey would very much welcome seeing what the other side of a prison sentence is like.
I'll be keeping any eye out for your posts and be wishing you both well.
I'll be keeping any eye out for your posts and be wishing you both well.
I'm with SAL on this one x
Hi Tabs
I too have followed you on here and funnily enough I was wondering how things are going. I can't believe it has been over a year already, I can still remember the shock that day of reading he was going to prison.
I'm pleased your ex will be getting support with accommodation, I wish him all the very best for his life moving forward.
You have been an inspiration to me, we share the horror of the vigilante group experience, (tho my partners wasn't live-streamed)
All the very best to you too
Mabel xx
I too have followed you on here and funnily enough I was wondering how things are going. I can't believe it has been over a year already, I can still remember the shock that day of reading he was going to prison.
I'm pleased your ex will be getting support with accommodation, I wish him all the very best for his life moving forward.
You have been an inspiration to me, we share the horror of the vigilante group experience, (tho my partners wasn't live-streamed)
All the very best to you too
Mabel xx
Hi Tabs
I too have followed you on here and funnily enough I was wondering how things are going. I can't believe it has been over a year already, I can still remember the shock that day of reading he was going to prison.
I'm pleased your ex will be getting support with accommodation, I wish him all the very best for his life moving forward.
You have been an inspiration to me, we share the horror of the vigilante group experience, (tho my partners wasn't live-streamed)
All the very best to you too
Mabel xx
I too have followed you on here and funnily enough I was wondering how things are going. I can't believe it has been over a year already, I can still remember the shock that day of reading he was going to prison.
I'm pleased your ex will be getting support with accommodation, I wish him all the very best for his life moving forward.
You have been an inspiration to me, we share the horror of the vigilante group experience, (tho my partners wasn't live-streamed)
All the very best to you too
Mabel xx
Thank you Mabel x I think of you often and wonder how it's going. It must be torture, still waiting. Hopefully the police have lost/destroyed their file. I hope you and your family are ok and have found a way to cope with everything.
It's strange but I still have times that I can't believe this has happened. To be launched into dealing with criminal offences when we had no experience of that world at all! We find out way through though don't we, we have no choice. Xxx
It's strange but I still have times that I can't believe this has happened. To be launched into dealing with criminal offences when we had no experience of that world at all! We find out way through though don't we, we have no choice. Xxx
Thank you Smile and Sal. I promise to keep posting info. x