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Intrusive thoughts

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purplepen22

Member since
August 2021

20 posts

Posted Mon May 16, 2022 2:19amReport post

Sometimes when I'm with my fiancé and I see a child or we are watching a show or movie with a kid in it, I have intrusive thoughts--despite what I have learned about porn addiction and the large grey area of why people view iioc. Thoughts like "is he looking at this child in a sexual way?" and "I hope he doesn't notice this kid"...as though he's a monster or something, even though I know it's not true. I know my fiancé was looking at this content because his reliance on porn whenever stressed or bored got out of hand. I know he isn't a P. I know it. So what is with these thoughts?! It makes me feel guilty and twisted. And anxious that five, ten, even twenty years down the road I'll still be having them.

purplepen22

Member since
August 2021

20 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 10:10pmReport post

Thank you! It really helps to know I'm not alone in the intrusive thoughts.

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 10:59pmReport post

I go through this too. Especially when we are out in public. I feel guilty and a feeling of 'he should not be allowed to be here' when we go to zoos, museums, family friendly events etc.

My partner is an online offender. I cannot go into his head to confirm he is interested in children. He states it was fantasy online world and very unhealthy relationship with porn and chat rooms. He hasn't got a porn addiction diagnosis, i don't think that was what the issue was for him.

I like to think he doesn't see children in a sexual way, but like I said I can't see into his head. So for me as long as he doesn't act on it I can live with that.

I remember I was so uncomfortable when we went to a river and there were kids in swimming costumes. I found myself watching them and maybe I could have been accused of paying too much attention to them....I was also watching my partner to check he wasn't looking. I was so uncomfortable.

I spoke to him about it afterwards and he assured me he didn't view the kids in a sexual way but it did make him miss his kids because he can't be with them to play in a river.

I go around thinkin ghow horrible it is that parents are going around not knowing only feet away a child sex offender is nearby. It does make days out never as fun as they could be.

When I had to disclose to my mum and step dad they said they wouldn't join us out in public because they don't think he should be allowed near any children at all. They seem to have relaxed more that this hasn't been an issue- but the comment shows thier intial thoughts and was what I have felt before.

These intrusive thoughts I don't think will ever go away, but I can cope. For me it is a sign to me that I have not desensitized to the severity of what he has done. I'm doing what I can to safeguard children, even tho my partner has no signs he will contact offend. I feel like it is my duty as someone who has stayed with an offender to be on guard. This is my personal view and don't expect others to have this mindset. I have made peace with how I want to cope with all this. My partner is aware of how I feel.

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

637 posts

Posted Wed May 18, 2022 10:57pmReport post

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Edited Tue November 7, 2023 9:37pm

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

637 posts

Posted Thu May 19, 2022 11:32amReport post

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Edited Tue November 7, 2023 9:38pm

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2594 posts

Posted Fri May 20, 2022 8:04amReport post

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Edited Sat May 21, 2022 6:08am

Hopeforthefuture

Member since
September 2021

97 posts

Posted Fri May 20, 2022 7:29pmReport post

Hey purple,

I have awful thoughts too...never that I think he may be looking at a child in that way, more along the lines of if these people knew how would they react to him. It's such an awful situation to find yourself in. I guess the way society views this kind of offense doesn't help. It saddens me to think like this because I know he's a good man

Hope all you lovelies are ok xxx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2594 posts

Posted Sat May 21, 2022 6:07amReport post

That's what is so heartbreaking Hope, these men are not evil people.

Edited Sat May 21, 2022 6:09am