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Knowing if it was a decoy or not

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Heart!

Member since
April 2022

47 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 11:23amReport post

Just wanted some advice, my partner has said there was evidence to do with a conversation with an adult about a underaged child in a sexual manner. I asked if it was with a undercover police officer or an actual person. He said he doesn't know and he's not allowed to know. Is this true? Are they not allowed to know?

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 11:28amReport post

I don't know the answer for sure. But many people on here do know when it was a decoy.

My partner spoke to another adult about a child. The adult was a decoy and I believe he was told this when he was arrested.

LizzeLou

Member since
January 2021

58 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 11:29amReport post

We were told it was a decoy. Both me and him were given this info.

Heart!

Member since
April 2022

47 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 11:53amReport post

Thank you I asked him does he know and he said he asked the police and they said they are not allowed to say.
I not sure why they wouldn't be able to unless it was to an actual person and not a decoy and they are investigating them as well. I don't know

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Tue May 17, 2022 1:20pmReport post

Heart, I read your other post. I feel your anguish.

My person/partner/ex was not as honest and transparent as he could have been and I spe t a lot if time questioning if I knew the truth. Whilst he didn't out right lie in most cases, he neglected to tell me the full truth and I'd only have ever got the truth if I'd known exactly the right question to ask. I spent a lot of time trying to make sense of things that didn't add up or seem in line with other peoples cases or experiences - This site has been invaluable for me in that sense.

Whilst I understand he couldn't remember specifics, there are many things I believe he could have shared that he would have remembered but he made a decision not to and I think part of it was denial - Denial that he could have engaged in the conversation and denial that it was something that would have broken the law. My partner was talking to another adult on a fetish and role play site, I think he genuinely believed talking wasn't illegal - He hadn't physically done anything and hadn't actually spoken to a child, I often wonder if those two aspects made him not accept the offence and the detail around it to either himself or me.

I thought it might be useful to share my experience. He had so many reasons to be honest and open with me, but he still wasn't and sometimes about daft things - For example. He said they didn't take his phone away.

Edited Tue May 17, 2022 1:26pm

ScaredLamb

Member since
May 2021

203 posts

Posted Sat May 21, 2022 3:52amReport post

Hi

Just to give you some info and perspective from me. We knew early ish that it was a decoy. But only as the social worker told us. It wasn't discosed to my hubby by the police until he was charged and they also said they couldn't tell him if it was decoy ect at interview stage. The solicitor also wasn't told this until charges were made.

Edited Sat May 21, 2022 3:53am

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Mon May 23, 2022 10:09amReport post

Hey,

I may be wrong but the charges should indicate whether it's a decoy or not if it's communication charges? If it's a decoy then they would be "attempt to sexually communicate" as it's not a real child so it's not actual sexual communication with a minor. Xx

Just read back to the OP and I would assume it would be the same although not sure what the charge(s) would exactly be. I think key word is "attempt" to demonstrate it was a decoy in these cases x

Edited Mon May 23, 2022 10:11am

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Mon May 23, 2022 11:17amReport post

Hey Lee,

Do you know when the law is changing? I find myself torn between whether I agree with it or not being changed. Xx

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Mon May 23, 2022 1:39pmReport post

Thank you! I mean torn in regards to whether I think it's beneficial to change the law and lumping decoy offences in with real child ones, I think there's a lot of murky water around some of these cases so I'm not sure whether I agree with it or not x

Pregnantandscared

Member since
April 2021

140 posts

Posted Thu May 26, 2022 7:02pmReport post

Hello,

I read that the charges will stay the same but there will be no credit offered at charging for it being an attempt. So factually they will call it an attempt but it's being treated as though it was a real child.
I saw it was coming in from end of May, so in the next week or so. I don't know if it will 100% come into effect as every judge has sentencing powers at their discretion so it's how they view the law.