Family and Friends Forum

Planning ahead - advice please

Notifications OFF

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Wed May 18, 2022 2:10pmReport post

Hi all, we're in a period of limbo - things are calm and as OK as they can be, but I have that nagging feeling that any day now the whole thing is going to detonate again!

My son got the knock May 21, second interview in December and is still awaiting charges. He's seeing a specialist therapist and is rebuilding his life in terms of his degree studies which he's managed to continue, and is working hard at a part-time job (I'd almost say I was proud of him but that's stretching things a little under the circumstances!!). We have a solicitor who is something of a specialist in this field but I want to make sure that all my ducks are in a row for when the charges come.

So......what should I be doing right now? I read so much on this wonderful forum and my brain is a little overloaded. Should we be putting together a character reference? Is there anything else that I/he can do?

Huge thanks xx

Daffodil

Member since
March 2022

965 posts

Posted Wed May 18, 2022 2:57pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Tue October 24, 2023 9:12am

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2407 posts

Posted Wed May 18, 2022 6:58pmReport post

Evening Lola53

I would second what Daffodil has said about you feeling proud of your son for what he is doing , x

The limbo stage is always the worst part but as much as we dread the day of court it needs to happen just so you know what you have to face xx

There is no harm in having the references done and also has your son done an accoutabity letter?

If he has been in contact with LFF they can also do a letter to advise he has spoke with them and if he has a therapist you could ask for them to.do a report xx

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Fri May 20, 2022 1:34pmReport post

Daffodil and Upset - thank you both for replying and for your positivity, much appreciated.

When you talk about character reference, is this something that I should be writing or do we need involvement from other people? And what's an accountability letter? xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2407 posts

Posted Fri May 20, 2022 3:29pmReport post

Hi Lola53

An accountability letter is written or (typed) as my son was in remand he had to write his, he wrote how he sorry for his actions to the victims and how it impacted us his family, what work he has been doing to address his behaviour and wrote about himself why he went down this awful journey x

A character reference is done by you and any family member, friends etc it has to be factual and not emotional (that was so hard) again what sort of a person my son is how he was before this,and how he is since the knock what he has done to get help and the impact to us, nothing about his crimes or what I think he should get and I also mentioned how sorry I was for the impact to the victims xx

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Fri May 20, 2022 3:42pmReport post

Upset Mum - you're an angel, thank you for taking the time to reply. Hope you're OK xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2407 posts

Posted Fri May 20, 2022 4:10pmReport post

Lola53

Not a problem x

I am doing ok thank you for asking

Hope you are all ok xx

Maij

Member since
December 2020

287 posts

Posted Thu May 26, 2022 7:14pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Fri June 30, 2023 1:14am

Lola53

Member since
May 2021

269 posts

Posted Fri May 27, 2022 11:14amReport post

Hi Maij, thank you for your lovely message - I often think of you too and hope that things are OK. How is your son and how are you? I've had a little bit of a wobble the last week or so and am going to see a therapist next week - I think I just need to talk a lot and get things off my chest! I have two friends who know the situation and are great but I don't want to burden them too much and sometimes you just need to say the same things on repeat if you know what I mean!

Thank you for the advice - much appreciated. What sort of word count should the reference be?

Great big hugs to you too xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2407 posts

Posted Fri May 27, 2022 3:50pmReport post

Hi Lola53

I would keep it to one A4 piece of paper ( it's hard but if you do to many sheets it then becomes a skim the letter rather than read it) hope that makes sense x

Hope you are all doing ok x

Maij

Member since
December 2020

287 posts

Posted Mon May 30, 2022 3:04amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Fri June 30, 2023 1:14am