Family and Friends Forum

Hi Chelsea,

Absolutely devastated for you. Support from those around you at this time is so important. Your friend may have made a rash decision, a lot of people have knee jerk reactions to this situation. All of my OH friends walked away so I do understand to a degree what your feeling.
Sending a huge virtual hug to you right now xx

I'm so sorry to read that Chelsea. Its a very scary, confusing and lonely time. And that's before people choose to walk away from us!

I think for now let your friend go. I find there is so much support on here and your friend might have a change of heart with time. I'm getting counselling and I've been told a lot of people will never be able to understand what we have been through. Some lucky people have never experienced a crisis or trauma in their lives...yet.

They couldn't understand unless they've experienced what we have. It's a very unique and personal experience for everyone and we are all processing this crisis differently. When I face judgement and people's very strong opinions about my husbands offence I keep telling myself "Walk a mile in my shoes and then we can talk"

I've just posted in the discussion section. It's given me a lot of comfort if you want to read it. Stay strong and chin up xx

Morning Chelsea1

So sorry to hear xx

We unfortunately have no say in if they stay or walk away maybe in time she will come back and be there for you x

I often think if it was one of my friends going through this what would I do I know I would 100% be there every step of the way but it's there choice but just so sad when you built up the courage to confide in the first place

I would gladly be there to offer you support it's a shame we cannot reach out outside of here xx

Sending love and hugs to you xx

Completely agree Upset Mum.

We can't control how our friends and family react to this. We can't control any of this crazy situation we have been thrown into. What will be will be

I always think that trauma is trauma. It can't be measured or compared.

People wouldn't dream of turning their backs if we had lost our jobs or homes, or death of a loved one so it's very hurtful when they turn their backs on the people who have committed no crime and probably need them now more than ever.

Regardless of their own opinions. Isint that what friends are for, through good times and bad times???!!!

xxx

I know how that feels, quite devastating. At the time I just couldn't understand why this happened and my pal deserted me. But I realised some people just don't know how to cope.

give her space Chelsea and hopefully she'll get back to you x

I'm sorry to read this, it's so painful isn't it. I had exactly the same experience. My friend decided she wanted nothing to do with me after my daughters dad received a prison sentence. We had children the same age who were also best friends so it was also a double blow for her also she lost seeing her dad and her best friend too. I just sometimes wish people would see things from our point of view and understand what a traumatic experience this has been. We haven't spoken for 7 months and I don't think I would speak to her now if she called.

It's tough but you will get through it, sending big hugs x x

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I'm so sorry to hear this Chelsea. I was in the same boat but unfortunately I didn't get a phone call... My friend just stopped interacting with me.

Is very sad but at the end of the day we can only respect their decision. We don't take into consideration any trauma they may have in their own lives that's triggered by this.

It's very sad and difficult and these people may come back in time, but for now we can only respect their decision.

So sorry Chelsea, that's unbearably sad but, as the others have said, she might come back in time.

Hand of heart, if this had happened to one of my friends, I would have been judgemental - I definitely wouldn't have walked away but I would have had a strong opinion. It's hard to remember how it felt being the other side of this situation but she's probably really struggling to understand.

You have all of us - we have coffee, we have wine and we have cake and it's all virtual and therefore calorie-free! Sending hugs and strength xx

I thought about your comment Lola and it struck a cord, how would I have reacted if a friend had gone through this - agree I'd perhaps 'step back' and be cautious, and in a way I'd be nervous of getting involved..... in a ironic way worry about my grandchildren's safety being in touch with this person.....,

to be honest ......how different it all is when your on the other side and you see how many people suffer though perfectly innocent - like you and I.......

Chelsea, sending you a virtual hug.

I have not disclosed to my friend yet as I'm sure this will be her reaction too and I feel such a fraud when I am with her and an dreading the day its in the media.

I hope your friend comes around in time x

How would I react if it was Mr being the one told, honestly?

I'd judge the friends partner, not the partner themselves because for me, they haven't done anything to me personally...

I wouldn't want to be around said friends partner, but the friend itself I can honestly say that I would still be friends with them.