How do I carry on?
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Hi all.
Mummy of 1 under one and was engaged to my partner.
We had the knock about five weeks ago, partner has admitted to possessing IIOC. He blames his mental health and being in a dark place at the time. I knew he was in a bad place but no idea how bad.
im really struggling coming to terms with being a now single parent doing everything myself. He sees our child when he can but isn't allowed unsupervised and isn't allowed to stay here.
im also struggling with the fact that it was not my decision to split. I work in a job of responsibility and children, so it's been made clear to me that I should cut contact and split, I'm concerned that if I wanted to stay with him, social services would have issues with safeguarding my son, which would also then impact my job.
I know deep down what he did was so wrong, but my love for him and need to keep our family together is taking over. If that makes sense?
I feel like the decision was made for me by family and professionals and I'm finding it so hard.
If we didn't have my son or I didn't work where I do - I don't doubt I'd be standing by him.
is anyone else in this situation? Does anyone have any advice?
also - any advice for just suddenly becoming a single mum and how the hell im supposed to carry on?!
thank you all.
Mummy of 1 under one and was engaged to my partner.
We had the knock about five weeks ago, partner has admitted to possessing IIOC. He blames his mental health and being in a dark place at the time. I knew he was in a bad place but no idea how bad.
im really struggling coming to terms with being a now single parent doing everything myself. He sees our child when he can but isn't allowed unsupervised and isn't allowed to stay here.
im also struggling with the fact that it was not my decision to split. I work in a job of responsibility and children, so it's been made clear to me that I should cut contact and split, I'm concerned that if I wanted to stay with him, social services would have issues with safeguarding my son, which would also then impact my job.
I know deep down what he did was so wrong, but my love for him and need to keep our family together is taking over. If that makes sense?
I feel like the decision was made for me by family and professionals and I'm finding it so hard.
If we didn't have my son or I didn't work where I do - I don't doubt I'd be standing by him.
is anyone else in this situation? Does anyone have any advice?
also - any advice for just suddenly becoming a single mum and how the hell im supposed to carry on?!
thank you all.
Evening Gardener93
So sorry you have found yourself here and the emotions you are experiencing are normal this journey sends us all in to an emotional wreck and having to cope with a little one I can imagine how difficult it is for you x
I cant offer much as mine are grown up and it is my son who has offended, but there are lots of ladies here with young children who are going through this x
Be kind to yourself and dont let anyone force you in to making decisions, you will know what is right for you just give yourself time xx
There are people and organisations you can speak to I will bump up a post with the details x
We are here to give you support so keep reaching out xx
So sorry you have found yourself here and the emotions you are experiencing are normal this journey sends us all in to an emotional wreck and having to cope with a little one I can imagine how difficult it is for you x
I cant offer much as mine are grown up and it is my son who has offended, but there are lots of ladies here with young children who are going through this x
Be kind to yourself and dont let anyone force you in to making decisions, you will know what is right for you just give yourself time xx
There are people and organisations you can speak to I will bump up a post with the details x
We are here to give you support so keep reaching out xx
Sending in a hug. The start of this journey is truly horrendous, all those thoughts and emotions - my how us on here understand 100% what you are going through x
Hi there, sorry your here in our club noone wants to be in, you'll get by with your baby, you'll get into a new normal it takes a bit of time, bit in promise it gets a little easier. Also it's still very early days for you, and it's OK you still love your partner, I love mine too and we've actually got closer. Its so terrible your having to split because of your job? I'm not sure but I work in healthcare and as long as I didn't do anything they told me it's not their business. It's so hard that we are innocent and our lives turn upside down, I'm struggling financially, we were diueo marry in September but it's all off until this is all over (both our second marriages). I'm 14 months down the line. Just bev ready firva long wait, be kind to yourself and speak to stop it helpline and your gp for some help for you xx
Hiya gardener
I asked myself 'how can I do this?' so many times especially in the first 6 months post knock. It is crazy hard with little ones. I found myself suddenly single mum to a 1 and 3 year old, having always assumed I was bringing kids into s loving 2 parent family.
I guess firstly know that you will manage. Some days you won't know how you did but you will. As your baby gets a older they will develop better routines and sleep more at night (eventually - unless you're already lucky on that count). I think that people draw the lines of what they can cope with exactly at the edge of what they have to. You've been put in this awful situation and now you have to stretch your coping lines far further than you ever imagined. But you will do it and you'll adjust.
Ask for help. Anyone you can trust to help out. Help with baby stuff/ house stuff/ letting you go for a walk or just have five mins to yourself. I have an amazing friend who would come round at least once a week in the first few months and help out with dinner and bed time etc.
Try to avoid 'superhero' connotations. You know those stories of 'working single mum manages to juggle a million things and look perfect and have a squeaky clean house and still run a marathon for charity'. Screw that. Some days you'll feel like you totally got this and then five mins later it's all gone to pot. You've had a hugely traumatic event happen and now you've got to try and pick yourself up without being able to prioritise yourself because of the demands of motherhood. So be kind to yourself. You are enough. However you are on that day. And if it's a bad one then a better one will be just round the corner.
From a practical point of view you can get single person council tax reduction and there's an online benefits calculator which might bring up some financial support - in certain inve brackets single parents can get support for childcare costs for example.
Im 18 months post knock now and have many better days. It's been a very rocky time. I had some really dark times - particularly around 7 months in. Without knowing I had to stick around for the kids I'm not sure where I would be. But glad looking back that I'm here and able to feel more positive. Love my kids and see them flourishing every day.
Sending best wishes x
I asked myself 'how can I do this?' so many times especially in the first 6 months post knock. It is crazy hard with little ones. I found myself suddenly single mum to a 1 and 3 year old, having always assumed I was bringing kids into s loving 2 parent family.
I guess firstly know that you will manage. Some days you won't know how you did but you will. As your baby gets a older they will develop better routines and sleep more at night (eventually - unless you're already lucky on that count). I think that people draw the lines of what they can cope with exactly at the edge of what they have to. You've been put in this awful situation and now you have to stretch your coping lines far further than you ever imagined. But you will do it and you'll adjust.
Ask for help. Anyone you can trust to help out. Help with baby stuff/ house stuff/ letting you go for a walk or just have five mins to yourself. I have an amazing friend who would come round at least once a week in the first few months and help out with dinner and bed time etc.
Try to avoid 'superhero' connotations. You know those stories of 'working single mum manages to juggle a million things and look perfect and have a squeaky clean house and still run a marathon for charity'. Screw that. Some days you'll feel like you totally got this and then five mins later it's all gone to pot. You've had a hugely traumatic event happen and now you've got to try and pick yourself up without being able to prioritise yourself because of the demands of motherhood. So be kind to yourself. You are enough. However you are on that day. And if it's a bad one then a better one will be just round the corner.
From a practical point of view you can get single person council tax reduction and there's an online benefits calculator which might bring up some financial support - in certain inve brackets single parents can get support for childcare costs for example.
Im 18 months post knock now and have many better days. It's been a very rocky time. I had some really dark times - particularly around 7 months in. Without knowing I had to stick around for the kids I'm not sure where I would be. But glad looking back that I'm here and able to feel more positive. Love my kids and see them flourishing every day.
Sending best wishes x