Prison Questions
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Prison Questions
What "should" happen and when?
What routes for escalation are there if things aren't happening?
I'm aware I might sound very naive in believing these exist but I have to try to understand and try to help.
He's 5 weeks in.
We have phone and email set up.
He's had his clothes parcel.
We've had our first visit.
He's been told he should be assigned an offender manager within 12 weeks - Is this correct?
Is there anything else that should be happening in the near /immediate future? (he'll be in for 20 months).
He was studying at the OU prior to his sentencing and is very keen to continue but he's not getting responses or at least the responses don't give him information - Is there anything I can do? Anything he can do?
He's signed up for talking therapy but there is a waiting list. Are there any specific programs or group stuff he could push for?
He's so keen to understand and learn how he found himself having the conversation and why he's made certain life choices. He was making good progress with his therapist on the outside and is trying so hard to do some of the exercises she'd taught him but he knows he needs more help and can't do it alone. I'm worried he'll become too focused on the exercises as a coping mechanism and it will be detrimental to his mental well-being.
He's been proactive in trying to structure his day and make the situation work as best he can for him but in the last week I've noticed a rapid decline in him as he seems to be loosing faith that they system will support him with rehabilitation related to the offence and worrying I see the start of him loosing faith or belief in himself.
I know in prison terms, 5 weeks is nothing and by others standards he is lucky to have the things set to that he has.
On a side note. Yesterday was my first visit. I lovely lady at the visit seemed to recognise it was my first time and was so lovely, let me ask her what may seem like daft questions but they helped me greatly and she kindly gave me her number. This is a horrendous journey, the smallest jesture of kindness feels like the biggest blessing.
What "should" happen and when?
What routes for escalation are there if things aren't happening?
I'm aware I might sound very naive in believing these exist but I have to try to understand and try to help.
He's 5 weeks in.
We have phone and email set up.
He's had his clothes parcel.
We've had our first visit.
He's been told he should be assigned an offender manager within 12 weeks - Is this correct?
Is there anything else that should be happening in the near /immediate future? (he'll be in for 20 months).
He was studying at the OU prior to his sentencing and is very keen to continue but he's not getting responses or at least the responses don't give him information - Is there anything I can do? Anything he can do?
He's signed up for talking therapy but there is a waiting list. Are there any specific programs or group stuff he could push for?
He's so keen to understand and learn how he found himself having the conversation and why he's made certain life choices. He was making good progress with his therapist on the outside and is trying so hard to do some of the exercises she'd taught him but he knows he needs more help and can't do it alone. I'm worried he'll become too focused on the exercises as a coping mechanism and it will be detrimental to his mental well-being.
He's been proactive in trying to structure his day and make the situation work as best he can for him but in the last week I've noticed a rapid decline in him as he seems to be loosing faith that they system will support him with rehabilitation related to the offence and worrying I see the start of him loosing faith or belief in himself.
I know in prison terms, 5 weeks is nothing and by others standards he is lucky to have the things set to that he has.
On a side note. Yesterday was my first visit. I lovely lady at the visit seemed to recognise it was my first time and was so lovely, let me ask her what may seem like daft questions but they helped me greatly and she kindly gave me her number. This is a horrendous journey, the smallest jesture of kindness feels like the biggest blessing.
Post deleted by user
Hi Sal
My son was on remand for 8 months it was horrendous so I cant give any advise as yet only on what the visits were like. Glad yours went ok yesterday and good to know you had support from someone else taking you through the dos and don'ts x
He has just been moved so will wait and see what education and rehabilitation is given but overall he is a lot more comfortable in the new prison x
As Smile said everything does take it's time x
My son was on remand for 8 months it was horrendous so I cant give any advise as yet only on what the visits were like. Glad yours went ok yesterday and good to know you had support from someone else taking you through the dos and don'ts x
He has just been moved so will wait and see what education and rehabilitation is given but overall he is a lot more comfortable in the new prison x
As Smile said everything does take it's time x
Hi Sal,
I'm afraid my experience through my husband is that there is not a lot of anything offered to prisoners! Still 'lack of staff' meaning that they are in their cells for an inhumane amount of time. It took my husband about a year to get any work, and about 9 months to get any 'education'. The library wasn't available at all. There has been no support for mental health either. It is a real shock to me that we incarcerate people and then let them go free in a worse state mentally than when they went in! Physically he has been well looked after, but has refused hospital appointments as he would have to be handcuffed! Someone advised me that chaplaincy was the place for him to go to for spiritual and practical guidance. He was not religious at all but has found great comfort in attending chapel, and talking to the volunteers there. He has also opened up emotionally to other prisoners, whilst they do not talk about why they are there, the majority have got there through poor mental health/poor decisions so they have more in common that they would have thought. I think for the first time he has made real connections to real people. Such a shame that these relationships are not allowed to continue.
I have had questions about prison and use yet another forum!
https://insidetime.org/forum/index.php?/forum/2-loved-ones-inside/
There are people on there who have loved ones inside who have got to know the prison system well, and they are very helpful.
Your person will find his way, as the others have said HMP time is very slow, and you have to follow procedures. It is another place where we as families/partners/friends have no rights. I have written to the prison governor to complain about letters/cards being received unsealed. Some friends have just received an unsealed envelope with nothing in! I did point out that his staff were showing a disregard for us outside and a complete lack of respect. He did come back and sincerely apologise, and things did improve. So, don't be afraid to speak out of it's something that affects you directly.
This whole experience has been eye opening. I was, I think, very naive and trusting, believing that all those in authority were honest and trustworthy and well intended. Now I see the reality. We have a very damaged justice system. He's out soon, so will have to see how probation are. Fingers crossed!
xxx
I'm afraid my experience through my husband is that there is not a lot of anything offered to prisoners! Still 'lack of staff' meaning that they are in their cells for an inhumane amount of time. It took my husband about a year to get any work, and about 9 months to get any 'education'. The library wasn't available at all. There has been no support for mental health either. It is a real shock to me that we incarcerate people and then let them go free in a worse state mentally than when they went in! Physically he has been well looked after, but has refused hospital appointments as he would have to be handcuffed! Someone advised me that chaplaincy was the place for him to go to for spiritual and practical guidance. He was not religious at all but has found great comfort in attending chapel, and talking to the volunteers there. He has also opened up emotionally to other prisoners, whilst they do not talk about why they are there, the majority have got there through poor mental health/poor decisions so they have more in common that they would have thought. I think for the first time he has made real connections to real people. Such a shame that these relationships are not allowed to continue.
I have had questions about prison and use yet another forum!
https://insidetime.org/forum/index.php?/forum/2-loved-ones-inside/
There are people on there who have loved ones inside who have got to know the prison system well, and they are very helpful.
Your person will find his way, as the others have said HMP time is very slow, and you have to follow procedures. It is another place where we as families/partners/friends have no rights. I have written to the prison governor to complain about letters/cards being received unsealed. Some friends have just received an unsealed envelope with nothing in! I did point out that his staff were showing a disregard for us outside and a complete lack of respect. He did come back and sincerely apologise, and things did improve. So, don't be afraid to speak out of it's something that affects you directly.
This whole experience has been eye opening. I was, I think, very naive and trusting, believing that all those in authority were honest and trustworthy and well intended. Now I see the reality. We have a very damaged justice system. He's out soon, so will have to see how probation are. Fingers crossed!
xxx
SAL
My partner has currently been on remand 3 months, and we've found everything to be slow ???? I'm sorry have no advice or tips to speed things up. I'm glad your first visit went well. It's frustrating the speed at how slow and long things take. Is there an education wing perhaps he could go speak to with regards to continuing his open University. With regards to mental health it seems to be much slower than the NHS from out experience.
Easier said than done but for your mental health/sanity don't let the slowness of things wind you up or stress you. These things are beyond yours and your persons control. Suddenly he's gone from a world where whatever you want is at a click of a button or a phonecall. It really is a different world inside.
My partner has currently been on remand 3 months, and we've found everything to be slow ???? I'm sorry have no advice or tips to speed things up. I'm glad your first visit went well. It's frustrating the speed at how slow and long things take. Is there an education wing perhaps he could go speak to with regards to continuing his open University. With regards to mental health it seems to be much slower than the NHS from out experience.
Easier said than done but for your mental health/sanity don't let the slowness of things wind you up or stress you. These things are beyond yours and your persons control. Suddenly he's gone from a world where whatever you want is at a click of a button or a phonecall. It really is a different world inside.
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Thank you for the responses. It is what I feared.
Tabs did you ever write to the Governer about items directly related to your husband such as education? Was there any success with this? And thank you for the link, I will register.
I am aware there is a team I can contact if I become very concerned about his mental well being, we are not there yet but I can sense it turning.
There is a education department and he's made an application re the OU course but is getting nothing helpful or informative back. Regards to education and support related to his offence, he's no idea what is available.
Whilst it is very slow and I'm aware there are many positive things about the prison he's in and the opportunities he has and how much harder it sounds like it would have been during Covid - I try and remind myself and him of this.
I had some faith in the system, but it's slowly dwindling. It seems absolute madness, as Tabs has said to put people into a system that leaves them in a worse state of mental health than when they entered.
I'm determined to do what I can to try and progress things for him or find ways I can support him learning and understanding more about himself. At the moment I fear he runs the risk of giving up and just resigning him self to being "that" person and not believing he can be anything different or grinding himself down with pure hatred for himself. He's going to contact the therapist he was seeing to see if there is any reading she can suggest to him via me.
Tabs did you ever write to the Governer about items directly related to your husband such as education? Was there any success with this? And thank you for the link, I will register.
I am aware there is a team I can contact if I become very concerned about his mental well being, we are not there yet but I can sense it turning.
There is a education department and he's made an application re the OU course but is getting nothing helpful or informative back. Regards to education and support related to his offence, he's no idea what is available.
Whilst it is very slow and I'm aware there are many positive things about the prison he's in and the opportunities he has and how much harder it sounds like it would have been during Covid - I try and remind myself and him of this.
I had some faith in the system, but it's slowly dwindling. It seems absolute madness, as Tabs has said to put people into a system that leaves them in a worse state of mental health than when they entered.
I'm determined to do what I can to try and progress things for him or find ways I can support him learning and understanding more about himself. At the moment I fear he runs the risk of giving up and just resigning him self to being "that" person and not believing he can be anything different or grinding himself down with pure hatred for himself. He's going to contact the therapist he was seeing to see if there is any reading she can suggest to him via me.
While this could make depressing reading SAL .I do think like any walk in life Covid has had a massive impact on prison routines. The restrictions are only just ending and really have caused havoc resulting in waiting lists and delays.
I'm optimistic things will improve, even in the prison system.
sounds you are being a magnificent support and I'm sure the officers and officials are very aware of mental health problems. He will settle five weeks really isn't very long my lovely, give it time xxx
I'm optimistic things will improve, even in the prison system.
sounds you are being a magnificent support and I'm sure the officers and officials are very aware of mental health problems. He will settle five weeks really isn't very long my lovely, give it time xxx
Sal, I have not written to the Governor on his behalf. He has to take responsibility for his own education and work, there are procedures for them to follow. I think too it's good for them to navigate their own path in there, they learn to find the prison officers that are kind and supportive, and the other prisoners that are experienced and help. I don't think the prison would listen to us anyway. I have though contacted the Safer Custody team at a time when I was very worried about his mental health. He was terrified and suicidal at one point and I had many tearful calls pleaded with me to help him. I called families of prisoner helpline who were really kind and helpful and gave me the number
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/keeping-safe-in-prison
I left several frantic messages and no one ever returned my calls. However, talking to husband later, he said that he was checked on and referred to mental health nurse, so they did actually listen to my call. They have to as they have a duty of care. But it certainly gave the impression that they were not there to support the families going through difficult times.
Something I learned which horrified me is that if they are ill even seriously, you will not be informed. Nor will you be informed if they are in hospital. Even on death, there is no urgency. I panicked when I didn't hear anything for a period of time initially, but have learned that I have no rights. This is all part of his punishment and losing his identity as an individual. He is just another prisoner.
So sorry that this is not a good read, hopefully this is just my experience in the prison he is in, but sadly I don't think so!
As with every part of this journey, you learn as you go along and eventually get used to it.
Xxx
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/keeping-safe-in-prison
I left several frantic messages and no one ever returned my calls. However, talking to husband later, he said that he was checked on and referred to mental health nurse, so they did actually listen to my call. They have to as they have a duty of care. But it certainly gave the impression that they were not there to support the families going through difficult times.
Something I learned which horrified me is that if they are ill even seriously, you will not be informed. Nor will you be informed if they are in hospital. Even on death, there is no urgency. I panicked when I didn't hear anything for a period of time initially, but have learned that I have no rights. This is all part of his punishment and losing his identity as an individual. He is just another prisoner.
So sorry that this is not a good read, hopefully this is just my experience in the prison he is in, but sadly I don't think so!
As with every part of this journey, you learn as you go along and eventually get used to it.
Xxx
Sal, I have not written to the Governor on his behalf. He has to take responsibility for his own education and work, there are procedures for them to follow. I think too it's good for them to navigate their own path in there, they learn to find the prison officers that are kind and supportive, and the other prisoners that are experienced and help. I don't think the prison would listen to us anyway. I have though contacted the Safer Custody team at a time when I was very worried about his mental health. He was terrified and suicidal at one point and I had many tearful calls pleaded with me to help him. I called families of prisoner helpline who were really kind and helpful and gave me the number
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/keeping-safe-in-prison
I left several frantic messages and no one ever returned my calls. However, talking to husband later, he said that he was checked on and referred to mental health nurse, so they did actually listen to my call. They have to as they have a duty of care. But it certainly gave the impression that they were not there to support the families going through difficult times.
Something I learned which horrified me is that if they are ill even seriously, you will not be informed. Nor will you be informed if they are in hospital. Even on death, there is no urgency. I panicked when I didn't hear anything for a period of time initially, but have learned that I have no rights. This is all part of his punishment and losing his identity as an individual. He is just another prisoner.
So sorry that this is not a good read, hopefully this is just my experience in the prison he is in, but sadly I don't think so!
As with every part of this journey, you learn as you go along and eventually get used to it.
Xxx
https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/keeping-safe-in-prison
I left several frantic messages and no one ever returned my calls. However, talking to husband later, he said that he was checked on and referred to mental health nurse, so they did actually listen to my call. They have to as they have a duty of care. But it certainly gave the impression that they were not there to support the families going through difficult times.
Something I learned which horrified me is that if they are ill even seriously, you will not be informed. Nor will you be informed if they are in hospital. Even on death, there is no urgency. I panicked when I didn't hear anything for a period of time initially, but have learned that I have no rights. This is all part of his punishment and losing his identity as an individual. He is just another prisoner.
So sorry that this is not a good read, hopefully this is just my experience in the prison he is in, but sadly I don't think so!
As with every part of this journey, you learn as you go along and eventually get used to it.
Xxx
Thanks Tabs for the information and the links.
He is working hard to navigate the system and taking responsibility for driving things forward, I guess I find it hard not being able to help. It also gives me something to do (my way of coping - Just writing this has made me realise I need to perhaps expend some energy focusing on me).
Wow, I didn't realise this (regarding being ill or death).
He starts work this week but it means he doesn't get his minium half hour in the yard (nor is the walk to work enough to constitute his min 30 minutes in the open air). He's parking this up for now as he wants to focus on education and rehabilitation. Today I received a call to say he's been enrolled on the course OU course, that's a huge relief. Next target is to see what other help he can get.
He feels hard done by because of the wing he his on. I know it's for his own protection and its probably not by design, but seems they get much less available to them. The jobs available are the least interesting and engaging of all of the jobs available at the prison. The 3 visiting times also cross over with the limited time to do other things such as gym.
On the whole I'm feeling much better about the situation he's in and that comparatively it seems he's been extremely fortunate.
Smile, it doesn't seem prisons are waking up post Covid. I did some reaseach and there was an announcement on the 9th May to say that they were effectively moving on from Covid. The notification my person had regarding starting his job, directly referred to moving out of Covid restrictions. I read that your son started work and that he gets to spend lots of time outside which sounds lovely, you must feel so much better. My heart truly goes out to you. I love my person dearly and not being able to help is very difficult I can only imagine how it must be for you. Yet, you seem to have such a warmness and kindness to yourself and the situation - I could do with trying to take a leaf out of your book sometimes, it all feels so heavy. Perhaps it'll come with time. I'm sure me and he are somewhere on the grief cycle or denial, acceptance etc.
He is working hard to navigate the system and taking responsibility for driving things forward, I guess I find it hard not being able to help. It also gives me something to do (my way of coping - Just writing this has made me realise I need to perhaps expend some energy focusing on me).
Wow, I didn't realise this (regarding being ill or death).
He starts work this week but it means he doesn't get his minium half hour in the yard (nor is the walk to work enough to constitute his min 30 minutes in the open air). He's parking this up for now as he wants to focus on education and rehabilitation. Today I received a call to say he's been enrolled on the course OU course, that's a huge relief. Next target is to see what other help he can get.
He feels hard done by because of the wing he his on. I know it's for his own protection and its probably not by design, but seems they get much less available to them. The jobs available are the least interesting and engaging of all of the jobs available at the prison. The 3 visiting times also cross over with the limited time to do other things such as gym.
On the whole I'm feeling much better about the situation he's in and that comparatively it seems he's been extremely fortunate.
Smile, it doesn't seem prisons are waking up post Covid. I did some reaseach and there was an announcement on the 9th May to say that they were effectively moving on from Covid. The notification my person had regarding starting his job, directly referred to moving out of Covid restrictions. I read that your son started work and that he gets to spend lots of time outside which sounds lovely, you must feel so much better. My heart truly goes out to you. I love my person dearly and not being able to help is very difficult I can only imagine how it must be for you. Yet, you seem to have such a warmness and kindness to yourself and the situation - I could do with trying to take a leaf out of your book sometimes, it all feels so heavy. Perhaps it'll come with time. I'm sure me and he are somewhere on the grief cycle or denial, acceptance etc.
Hi SAL / Bless you for your comments. Although my son is continually on my mind, I miss him - I love him, the big lump he is - he's my baby boy!
There are moments I do pull myself up and think / hey what about you, I'm in my 60s, I have aches & pains, I also have other people who need me, I have needs and wants too. He is paying the price for his choices and to remember we are innocent in all this. We must live our life and not carry their burden. I do my damn best to support him when others would walk away, that's all I can do.
I bravely say all this, the worry and sadness of his situation easily returns like a bolt of lightning but as the name says 'smile thro tears'. Honest if I had carried on being the emotional wreck I was at the beginning of this I wouldn't now be here. Be strong - give yourself a bit of love too - you deserve it x
There are moments I do pull myself up and think / hey what about you, I'm in my 60s, I have aches & pains, I also have other people who need me, I have needs and wants too. He is paying the price for his choices and to remember we are innocent in all this. We must live our life and not carry their burden. I do my damn best to support him when others would walk away, that's all I can do.
I bravely say all this, the worry and sadness of his situation easily returns like a bolt of lightning but as the name says 'smile thro tears'. Honest if I had carried on being the emotional wreck I was at the beginning of this I wouldn't now be here. Be strong - give yourself a bit of love too - you deserve it x