Pretending to be ok
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I don't normally post on here but your post really hit me and I feel the exact same. It's been about 11 months since the knock, no support, no updates, suicidal partner unable to face things or deal with things on his own. Trying my hardest not to break myself as I know that'll be game over. Its the hardest thing in the world I'm so cross and angry that the police can come in one day and ruin my life and keep me in limbo not knowing what is happening for months
I haven't made a decision on whether I am staying or going. I've been told that I don't have to decide right now. One day at a time. I too am of the age where not having children yet comes into play massively and I feel like I'm running out of time and putting additional pressure on myself.
Sending you big hugs and thank you for posting. Its easy to think you are alone in all this but this forum shows that there are many others facing a similar darkness just now x
I haven't made a decision on whether I am staying or going. I've been told that I don't have to decide right now. One day at a time. I too am of the age where not having children yet comes into play massively and I feel like I'm running out of time and putting additional pressure on myself.
Sending you big hugs and thank you for posting. Its easy to think you are alone in all this but this forum shows that there are many others facing a similar darkness just now x
Hi, I feel the same.
I sometimes have to remind myself what is the truth and what is the lie.
Sometimes I think I start to believe my own lies. Sometimes I like to pretend my own lies and pretend things haven't happened.
I too am peoples go-to, a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I am welcoming of a distraction, Sometimes I want to scream 'get a grip you have no idea what I'm going through!'
no advice just wanted you to know I feel your pain x
I sometimes have to remind myself what is the truth and what is the lie.
Sometimes I think I start to believe my own lies. Sometimes I like to pretend my own lies and pretend things haven't happened.
I too am peoples go-to, a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I am welcoming of a distraction, Sometimes I want to scream 'get a grip you have no idea what I'm going through!'
no advice just wanted you to know I feel your pain x
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Bitterbean.
I feel like the longest part of waiting for us was the charges letter to court date (9 weeks) even though it wasn't, everyday is getting slower and harder. I feel like I'm being punished, like being done something wrong. I've had no counselling myself yet. Partner now lost his job and I'm worrying more about money. Some days I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel x
I feel like the longest part of waiting for us was the charges letter to court date (9 weeks) even though it wasn't, everyday is getting slower and harder. I feel like I'm being punished, like being done something wrong. I've had no counselling myself yet. Partner now lost his job and I'm worrying more about money. Some days I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel x
Hi JD and everyone
Everything you are saying is really striking a cord with me. I feel so alone and especially around not being able to express my feelings to my partner. I had a breakdown this weekend because everything just got too much but I have to hide that from him because he won't talk about it or open up to me. I'm so scared for the future and what it is going to bring and the implications of everything. I don't know whether my partner has been honest with me. I wasn't in the house at the time of the knock, I had popped put for the first time ever and within the hour I was out my life turned upside down. So I literally know nothing apart from what he is telling me.
But yes, every letter, every knock on the door, every car door outside and I freeze and panic.
I wish there was a way we could reach out to people individually on here as there are so many of us in the same boat and it would be incredible to be able to reach out. I have attended the safer lives group sessions however I'm not sure how much they benefitted me due to differing situations.
Whether I stay or leave, my life will never be the same again. If I left, how do I possibly learn to trust anybody and build a relationship with anybody ever again so do I just stay and make do and hope that this doesn't happen again, but then I get so sad that I am settling for a life like this. There truly is no proper support for us partners and that really really needs to change.
I hope you are all OK, and I'm so sorry we are all here. Just remember how strong you are in the dark times and know that you have the inner strength to get through this no matter how bad it gets.xxx
Everything you are saying is really striking a cord with me. I feel so alone and especially around not being able to express my feelings to my partner. I had a breakdown this weekend because everything just got too much but I have to hide that from him because he won't talk about it or open up to me. I'm so scared for the future and what it is going to bring and the implications of everything. I don't know whether my partner has been honest with me. I wasn't in the house at the time of the knock, I had popped put for the first time ever and within the hour I was out my life turned upside down. So I literally know nothing apart from what he is telling me.
But yes, every letter, every knock on the door, every car door outside and I freeze and panic.
I wish there was a way we could reach out to people individually on here as there are so many of us in the same boat and it would be incredible to be able to reach out. I have attended the safer lives group sessions however I'm not sure how much they benefitted me due to differing situations.
Whether I stay or leave, my life will never be the same again. If I left, how do I possibly learn to trust anybody and build a relationship with anybody ever again so do I just stay and make do and hope that this doesn't happen again, but then I get so sad that I am settling for a life like this. There truly is no proper support for us partners and that really really needs to change.
I hope you are all OK, and I'm so sorry we are all here. Just remember how strong you are in the dark times and know that you have the inner strength to get through this no matter how bad it gets.xxx
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Thank you for your post. Felt so utterly alone no one to speak to about what
happened. No end in sight and not sure if when an end comes it will give me any
closure. I may never get to the truth and beginning to let that go and realise
I haven't done anything wrong is the beginning of pulling myself out of the hole and
Find some peace. You can only take the full responsibility for your own actions
and not those of another, they have to face their own demons and take responsibility
for their own actions. Whatever happens my life is never going to be the same but
life is precious and in the grand scheme of things I realise people face much worse
than losing a life with someone I never really knew. After reading your post I know
there are many more people going through the same anguish of being utterly alone
too and take comfort from knowing that you exist.
happened. No end in sight and not sure if when an end comes it will give me any
closure. I may never get to the truth and beginning to let that go and realise
I haven't done anything wrong is the beginning of pulling myself out of the hole and
Find some peace. You can only take the full responsibility for your own actions
and not those of another, they have to face their own demons and take responsibility
for their own actions. Whatever happens my life is never going to be the same but
life is precious and in the grand scheme of things I realise people face much worse
than losing a life with someone I never really knew. After reading your post I know
there are many more people going through the same anguish of being utterly alone
too and take comfort from knowing that you exist.