Family and Friends Forum

You have just described how I'm feeling. Just can't see a time when this will all be over with. I just want to run away and never come back, if only life was that simple xx

Jayjay - Life will be good again, we'll all be on a different path, a changed path, a life with scars.

keep strong, keep going as we head towards the light at the end of the tunnel we are in, we'll do it, we'll get there :)

Spiralling into negative thought patterns is really common in reaction to these big changes. (As is the fight/ flight reaction mandymoo). When in a spiral it can be really hard to find a way out. One phrase that really helps me is 'is this helping or harming?'

Dwelling on things, particularly worries that are out of our control, can often harm rather than help. If I feel myself starting to go down those thought paths I try and catch myself and ask is this going to help or harm. It makes it easier for me to put those worries and thoughts aside xx

I wonder this a lot. I have felt very desperate these past few months.

I've started looking after myself again, only small things but they are making a difference. I cant see the wood for the trees still and I get triggered very easily, but there have been days recently that gave felt almost normal. ....they wernt! But I smiled on those days.

Keep posting and reaching out on here xxxx

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Negative thoughts are normal

How do we build a life after this

What, how , can , we cannot control these as it is out of our hands we have no control

But if you asked me 2 years ago would I still be here the answer would have been no

Would my son be here No

But yet we are , we learn to live with this journey, we live through court, we live through the media, We are all still here

Yes its shit

Yes there are a lot of restrictions

But yet we wre all still here and we will survive

We keep asking why, how did we even get here our offenders do not realise that there actions could cause this much pain, hurt and anxiety but yet we are all here

I will always be there for my son but some people have really tough decisions to make but it's ok if you cannot walk this journey only you know, only you can decide x

I wish it was so different but that's if only! This is the journey I am on , I have no control to what happens next, I have never once thought about walking away, why because he is my son I brought him in to the world and I will hold his hand, i will walk this journey until I take my last breath but that is my choice, x but what i want to say is you are ALL amazing and so STRONG xx

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Upset - we have the same Mummy Morals :)

I gave the boy life - and I will never walk away.x

I wish I could answer this question, but I can't because I'm not the other side and everyone's situation, the circumstances around them are different and what "good" looks like is very different to different people.

What I have come to accept is that life won't be the same again so I need to grieve that loss and realistically I can't decide whether the new option is attractive enough without knowing what that is (similar to what BitterBean has said). I think accepting and grieving the loss of life before is a significant part of bring able to move forward.

I had a professional work mentor and she used an annology with me (not for this situation, but I think it's relevant) - You can't order what's not on the menu. You might what X, but if its not on the menu you can't have it, you have to decide if you want what's on the menu or move to a different restaurant that does / might have it on the menu.

Whether the difference is big or small, I'd say its fair to say life won't be exactly as it was before, but how vastly different that is will vary from person/situation to person/situation. Some aspects of life might be better though and some worse.

A common trait of happy people (when I'm feeling really crap I hate anyone saying anything like this to me so appreciate they eyerolling that might be happening) is being grateful and looking at the opportunity in situations. That might be hard to even imagine (I can often only see grey and dark), but I think an element of having a happy future is letting go of what might have been and look forward with a positive mindset. As I say, it's easier to write than do, I've been there seeing only darkness and everything that's been lost. On my better days I can see growth and opportunities.

You are in the limbo stage at the moment and had some really significant changes recently so it's completely understandable of you struggle to see positives in the future. Although it hits you hard when you get more details on the charges and likely sentencing, for me it came with an element of relief (and a lot of pain) because I had an idea of what we were working with (I felt the same about sentencing) and I could start visualising the impact on our lives. I truly hated the limbo stage and for ne it was very short lived.

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I relate to your sentiments Bitterbean.. I really want to make the most of this summer and have as much life as possible whilst we can..

This sounds ridiculous but I'm even enjoying and making the most out of opening my windows big and wide in the nice weather whilst I'm not worried about media backlash.. I'm seeking help for paranoia, I'm really struggling with it right now.

I guess this is just where I'm at, but I totally get what you mean in sense of making memories whilst we can.xx

I totally understand JayJay. We're nearly 3 months in and the despair is still the same if not worse than day 1, because I've had to accept it's not some horrendous nightmare and I won't wake up from it soon....

I had my worst day in several weeks, on Sunday, when I spent most of it crying and with suicidal thoughts, as well as the urge to run away. But it's Tuesday now and I'm still here and still getting through the days one at a time. Even nearly 3 months in I still can't believe this is happening and can't begin to imagine what the future holds. right now if I'm honest I really don't want that future, but it seems have no choice.

We are only 5 weeks in with potentially months until a court date. I know our lives won't be the same but in some ways things have changed for the better. We watch TV together, walk hand in hand down the road and OH no longer drinks alcohol.

Yes I wish it had never happened but as they say at AA , God give us the strength to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can control and the wisdom to know the difference.

Find something to do which will keep you busy and stop the thinking .

Take care of yourself, you are important