Family and Friends Forum

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Hello Nellie

I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place for support.

Please speak to the helpline, when you feel able to, for support/advice and for them to be a listening ear for you.

If you can try and look after yourself as you process the trauma/shock of it all.

Thinking of you and your son. x

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Hi Nellie. The first few weeks are very tough. Theres the shock and a million questions going through your mind. Then all the legal side. Just take things day by day. Talk to your son if he's being open about it. A lot of men can shut down. It's a very scary overwhelming time for everybody.

Only you know what is right for you to do and if that's to support your son then it's not anybody elses decision. YOU have to live with your decision, nobody else. Dont make any huge decisions, it's too raw xx

Hi Nellie

First of all take a deep breath, you will be feeling all sorts of emotions but this is normal honestly x

A lot of us are mums and are going through the same journey just different stages from where you are

Not a single one of us would ever tell you to stop loving your son you will only get some much needed support

Try not to let this drag you down no matter how hard it is keep posting on here

We know what you are feeling, and what you are going through

Sending hugs xx

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Hi Nellie

My daughter has been my rock from the onset of the knock, she has struggled with her emotions and for us it has brought them so much more closer, as hard as this journey is the road is an emotional rollercoaster

Just be kind to yourself

It may be worth your daughter reading some of the posts on here also and I would recommend you phone the help line they are so helpful even if you struggle to get any words out, the first time I phoned I could barely speak through the tears but again they are non judgemental xx

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I can't offer anything except from one mum to another I truly feel your utter pain and helplessness.

From the comments, you will see that you are not alone. Personally, my family has been blown apart with my sons not speaking to either their brother or me. I'm just devastated- it's so hard !

The thing that I always try and remember they are a good person who has done a bad thing, not that they are a bad person.

Xxx

How are you today Nellie? Xxx

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Hi Nellie

I hope you conversation went as well as it could do with your friend x

I really wouldn't worry about the media as yet you could drive yourself mad with worry just concentrate on each day and you will know when the time is right to tell people but if it is how you need to deal with it then of course that is your decision

Hugs sent xx

Hi hope the conversation with your friend went went and its given you a bit of relief to share this with her xx

Hi Nellie

He may just need time to absorb what you have told him and I hope he does reach out to you x

But you were incredibly strong taking the decision to disclose to him xx

How is your son doing ? and your daughter xx

Hi Nellie,

how utterly dreadful for you! Unfortunately as I've found out myself, there is no quick fix solution and the whole awful situation will just have to run its course. It's the loss of control and the sheer helplessness which can feel incapacitating.

I think we can only hope that the situation we find ourselves in will lose some of its intensity as the shock wears off a bit.

my son I think has completely cut himself off from me and his autistic half-brother who was hunted by vigilantes. It's tearing me apart really but again, out of my control.

I hope the sun will shine for us again one day soon, hang on in there Nellie xx

Evening Nellie x

Bless you I really do feel for you all x

Sorry to hear your daughter isn't well , that with what is happening to your son also

Have you spoke to the helpline? and your doctor

This journey is a rollercoaster of all sorts of emotions but please look after yourself x

Keep coming on here as we are all here for you xx

Sending strength and hugs xx

Just reading your post I know how your feeling my son has just done the same , my problem is my son has to stay with me as he has learning disabilities, I don't think he could survive on his own , struggling to stay in my house , house on red alert just font know what to do , I feel numb , crying all the time and feel like ending my life to get away from it all , not eating , l know how u feeling that u can't turn your back on him

Hi Dchick12

Honestly these emotions are normal especially as you are so early on in the horrendous journey

Please dont ever think you cannot cope and it would be easier to end your life you are an extremely strong person ( it may not seem like it at the moment) but you are

Have you spoke to a Dr, or called the helpline? Just having someone to listen can really help.off load the weight you are holding in

Just wanted to send a huge hug xx

Hi Nellie,

I know you don't feel like you're coping but you absolutely are. I used to dread leaving the house, I still have less of a desire to put myself in social situations that I wouldn't have thought twice about going to before all of this. I think some of that is due to lockdown too though, it has made me really look at how and who I spend my time with.
I got a dog to force myself out on walks, obviously you don't have to get a dog but perhaps getting out for a 5 minute walk each day would help you. If you felt comfortable enough to increase it after a week or two then go for it, if not then you're still doing 5 minutes outside that you weren't before.

Have you managed to have any therapy? This is a huge trauma and with your daughter being ill too I can imagine you're under immense stress. Has your son had any kind of counselling etc? As a mom all we want is for our children to have the best life possible so I can completely understand how your sons reclusiveness would impact your mental health too xxx