1st prison visit
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Visited him first time since he was sentenced to 30 months may 16th
When he walked through the door with the other men I couldn't help but think he looked small and broken I felt for him
They are so short staffed in this scottish prison they only get out twice a day ..
I know what he has done is Horrendous and it is
But I feel shutting him away isn't addressing his issues it didn't help the first time so what's changed.. nothing
I know we are over but it will take time to get used to being on my own QUITE LITTERALY no family just me and the floof ..
I'm feeling very sorry for myself
Not just the financial side of things I'm not sure I'm going to cope on my own the house feels weird without him even though we'd been living in the same house for a year with all this hanging over us oh I don't know I'm a mess I'm confused hurt angry repeat
It's all too hard
When he walked through the door with the other men I couldn't help but think he looked small and broken I felt for him
They are so short staffed in this scottish prison they only get out twice a day ..
I know what he has done is Horrendous and it is
But I feel shutting him away isn't addressing his issues it didn't help the first time so what's changed.. nothing
I know we are over but it will take time to get used to being on my own QUITE LITTERALY no family just me and the floof ..
I'm feeling very sorry for myself
Not just the financial side of things I'm not sure I'm going to cope on my own the house feels weird without him even though we'd been living in the same house for a year with all this hanging over us oh I don't know I'm a mess I'm confused hurt angry repeat
It's all too hard
I hope your OK please try and be strong ...I go to the church every now and themn when I take the dog for a walk we go in I just sit at the back and say the lord's prayer ...I will pray for you tomorrow..all the very best
Sorry you've found it tough Susie.
no advice really as I don't know much about prisons but can he read / do puzzles / work anything he can do pass the time and get a routine and structure to his day.
may I ask what the charges were?
you look after yourself and the floof, lots of walks and keep busy yourself too. Hugs x
no advice really as I don't know much about prisons but can he read / do puzzles / work anything he can do pass the time and get a routine and structure to his day.
may I ask what the charges were?
you look after yourself and the floof, lots of walks and keep busy yourself too. Hugs x
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Hi Susie65
Good to get an update from you , I am so sorry to read how much you are struggling so wanted to send hugs xx
The first visit is the hardest and they all are but they become routine and the fact you are supporting him speaks volumes xx
I like many of us know what they have done is horrendous but honestly locking them up, confined to a small space for so long really does impact there mental health and not much support to address how they ended up inside!
The impact to us on the outside is astronomical x
Have you got something like the citizens advice in Scotland or something similar who you could speak to to find out what financial support there is for you xx
Good to get an update from you , I am so sorry to read how much you are struggling so wanted to send hugs xx
The first visit is the hardest and they all are but they become routine and the fact you are supporting him speaks volumes xx
I like many of us know what they have done is horrendous but honestly locking them up, confined to a small space for so long really does impact there mental health and not much support to address how they ended up inside!
The impact to us on the outside is astronomical x
Have you got something like the citizens advice in Scotland or something similar who you could speak to to find out what financial support there is for you xx
Thanks all .
He had been doing what he was doing fir over 2 years .. ages 1 to 14 .. I'm still in shock as I found out in the papers the same as everyone else as he wouldn't tell me anything
Where he is in Scotland they are so short staffed he gets out of the room twice a day .. he's on list fir wood work also fir courses and learning..
But it all takes time
There is no rehabilitation in there none ..
I know what he has done is Horrendous but he's got issues he needs help I'm.not condoning anything he has done but he needs help .. he didn't get help the first time around he got custodial then too ..
I work full time but not sure its going to be enough I feel like im drowning every day
I get up go to work luckily I work for myself ..
But it's like I've been bereaved I know I'm.repeating myself I've no family no one it's only me I can't deal with this
He had been doing what he was doing fir over 2 years .. ages 1 to 14 .. I'm still in shock as I found out in the papers the same as everyone else as he wouldn't tell me anything
Where he is in Scotland they are so short staffed he gets out of the room twice a day .. he's on list fir wood work also fir courses and learning..
But it all takes time
There is no rehabilitation in there none ..
I know what he has done is Horrendous but he's got issues he needs help I'm.not condoning anything he has done but he needs help .. he didn't get help the first time around he got custodial then too ..
I work full time but not sure its going to be enough I feel like im drowning every day
I get up go to work luckily I work for myself ..
But it's like I've been bereaved I know I'm.repeating myself I've no family no one it's only me I can't deal with this
Susie,
I desperately want to give you a hug! You're so strong and amazing to be carrying on and you can do this! You're clearly very compassionate to be considering how much he needs help whilst you are also struggling but I think right now you defo need to focus on you and your floof (who are a godsend in times like this as they're another reason to get out of bed in the morning). The money side of things is a tricky one but is there any way you can do overtime, cut expenses, etc to try and muddle through? Do you have friends who can help you through this? It's hard in situations like this because even when you do have friends you still feel alone but even just getting out for a meal or a coffee helps take your mind off things. Another option (and isn't for everyone) is getting a lodger or lodging with someone else, I've known a couple of friends to do this and after searching to find someone decent it's worked out well for them as they've made a really good friend as well as halving their bills. We all really want to help the people we love but ultimately our lives are for us to live and enjoy as much as possible, I love my partner to bits but if he gets a custodial I am not committing to stay as I've previously "wasted" years of my life trying to help an ex with addiction problems and sometimes the best thing to do is move on. There's a lot to consider and I really hope you figure out what's right for you and manage to get there and be happy. Sending lots of love xxx
I desperately want to give you a hug! You're so strong and amazing to be carrying on and you can do this! You're clearly very compassionate to be considering how much he needs help whilst you are also struggling but I think right now you defo need to focus on you and your floof (who are a godsend in times like this as they're another reason to get out of bed in the morning). The money side of things is a tricky one but is there any way you can do overtime, cut expenses, etc to try and muddle through? Do you have friends who can help you through this? It's hard in situations like this because even when you do have friends you still feel alone but even just getting out for a meal or a coffee helps take your mind off things. Another option (and isn't for everyone) is getting a lodger or lodging with someone else, I've known a couple of friends to do this and after searching to find someone decent it's worked out well for them as they've made a really good friend as well as halving their bills. We all really want to help the people we love but ultimately our lives are for us to live and enjoy as much as possible, I love my partner to bits but if he gets a custodial I am not committing to stay as I've previously "wasted" years of my life trying to help an ex with addiction problems and sometimes the best thing to do is move on. There's a lot to consider and I really hope you figure out what's right for you and manage to get there and be happy. Sending lots of love xxx
BaffledB thankyou for you r reply .
I work 6 days a week already .
I have a council house so not sure re lodger I will ask though
It's only be 3 weeks feels like forever
This is our 2nd time around he's had custodial before
I stayed but this time I can't I've been married before to an abusive man 22 yrs ..
I can't do this again
He knows I'm here to help him anyway I can but that's as far as it goes
Struggling daily but I've been here before I guess the older I get the more difficult it gets its just the knowing I've no one it scares me xx hope your OK xx thanks again
Susie
I work 6 days a week already .
I have a council house so not sure re lodger I will ask though
It's only be 3 weeks feels like forever
This is our 2nd time around he's had custodial before
I stayed but this time I can't I've been married before to an abusive man 22 yrs ..
I can't do this again
He knows I'm here to help him anyway I can but that's as far as it goes
Struggling daily but I've been here before I guess the older I get the more difficult it gets its just the knowing I've no one it scares me xx hope your OK xx thanks again
Susie
Bless you, it's hard work going through all this and having the burden of working excessively, I too work a lot and never seem to have anything left once all the bills are paid! I don't blame you for not wanting to do it again, you can support him still (if you choose) but from a distance. There's lots of decent men out there and I'm sure you'll find someone when you are ready and will live a happy and care free life with someone who appreciates how kind and caring you are. Keep trudging along through this dark time and you'll make it out the other side. We're all here for you. Xxx
BaffledB thankyou x
I've a new problem mu car has died .. to expensive to fix ..
Nothing to buy another car with ..
He used up our savings without me knowing
I think I must be so so stupid
So now no work as I drive alot to my many customers .,(I clean)
I've applied fir UVC that is a joke .. how anyone can live on what they say your entitled to is beyond me .. I've never claimed anything like this in my life
5 weeks before I receive payment
Crazy
So all this just ads insult to injury
I'm done
I've a new problem mu car has died .. to expensive to fix ..
Nothing to buy another car with ..
He used up our savings without me knowing
I think I must be so so stupid
So now no work as I drive alot to my many customers .,(I clean)
I've applied fir UVC that is a joke .. how anyone can live on what they say your entitled to is beyond me .. I've never claimed anything like this in my life
5 weeks before I receive payment
Crazy
So all this just ads insult to injury
I'm done
Hi Susie65
What a nightmare for you I'm sorry to hear things are really tough financially and now the car has packed up
I cant offer any advice unfortunately that will make anything better , do you know a mechanic who could perhaps get the car road worthy and would let you pay of bit by bit as you said you need transport to do your job x
What a nightmare for you I'm sorry to hear things are really tough financially and now the car has packed up
I cant offer any advice unfortunately that will make anything better , do you know a mechanic who could perhaps get the car road worthy and would let you pay of bit by bit as you said you need transport to do your job x
Oh Susie - I'm so sorry. This is horrendous.
The damage to your life is heart breaking. I just want to send love. I'm so sorry I can't actually help you physically but I'm wishing on better days for you soon.. xxxxxxz
The damage to your life is heart breaking. I just want to send love. I'm so sorry I can't actually help you physically but I'm wishing on better days for you soon.. xxxxxxz